What were/are your biggest struggles? (Three Parter)

1) Prior to WLS

2) Right After your WLS

3) ...and if you are a vet (at least 3 years post op), what do you struggle with now?

 

My answers:

1) Mine was coming to terms that I could not do it (lose weight) without surgical intervention... that I would continue to be on a weight loss and gain roller coaster

2) It was difficult for me to be around others in social gatherings for a bit. but I got over it

3) Head hunger... oye ve!

1)  Realizing that 40+ years of dieting had gotten me the biggest of my life, and that my main problem was portion control.  I could eat the heck out of healthy food, but when you're eating enough for 4 people at one meal, doesn't matter how "healthy" it is.  I heard about VSG and knew it was right for me.  After 10 years of research and hem-hawing, I took the plunge.

2)  Immediately after, it was wondering what in the h-e-double hockey sticks I had done to myself.  Luckily that only lasted a moment.  Then it was wondering why in the h-e-double hockey sticks I waited so long!!! lol

Prior:   Fear that this wasn't going to work, or that I'd be in the low percentage with horrible complications

Right after:  this is now, I'm 3 weeks out.  While sweets don't appeal right now, I still feel like I've got some sort of food obsession going on and I worry about being able to make the right food choices long term to succeed at this.  I'm still very low energy both from the surgery and from being fat.  So I think Fear is still there, even though I do have hope to lose a bunch this weight, that I'll just regain it.

 

1) Mobility: I weighed 500 lbs and just walking 10 feet was a struggle. I hurt everywhere, and could barely move. I ruined a family vacation because I couldn't walk the amusement parks, I couldn't fit on the rides, and I really couldn't go to a "nice" restaurant because nothing besides sweat pants would fit me (even size 70+ men dress slacks look like sweat pants).


2) Recovery. It took me weeks and weeks to feel "back to normal". My energy levels took about.8 to 10 weeks to get back to normal...and then a few extra weeks after that to feel improvement.

3) Sometimes (not very often anymore...but it is certainly there...and still there when I look in the mirror at my skin in the mirror)...regret. Regret that being obese was such a large part of my life....from 7 to 33. I feel that it "stole" something from me that I can't get back, I couldn't participate in life like a person with a normal BMI. I spent a large part of my early adult years taking a back seat in my career to "thin people". Yes...obese people do get discriminated against. I think Oprah (when she turned 50) said something like that she regretted spending so much energy on trying to lose weight. I regret not spending more...and finding a solution to being just a bit overweight when I was younger.

HOWEVER, I have come to terms with it. You can't fix skin...even plastics do not do it all. You can't fix the past, but you can make the most of today!

1) My dad's cancer diagnosis.  Which is inextricably linked with my surgery as his diagnosis came at the same time I had started making doctor's appointments, having decided to pursue surgery.  Trying to juggle all of his appointments and all of mine was a big challenge.  

2) Probably just getting completely sick and tired of liquids.  I was so ready for pureed food.  When people complain about pureed food I always scratch my head since, after 24 days of liquids with the pre and post-op diets, pureed food was AMAZING and I savored every bite.  Plus it was the first time I'd been able to cook for and eat with my family in 24 days.  Pureed food was the big turning point for me post-op, when I really started to feel like myself again.  Well, my new self.  Like a real person instead of this liquid diet zombie person.  Hated liquids :P  (Amusingly enough, I have zero issues with having one shake a day for breakfast.)

3) I'm really close to being 3 years post-op, although I consider vet status to be five years post-op.  My biggest struggle recently was my dad's death which caused my previously undiagnosed binge eating disorder to spiral out of control.  Having to come to terms with that and then admit that I needed help... that was really, really hard.  The struggle is on going since my PCP currently manages my Vyvanse and has made grumbling noises about wanting me to get off it, so I plan to find a new PCP and work harder, again, to find a local psychiatrist to manage my medication.  I tried the psych route before with no luck - I hope it might be easier this time because I'm already on the medication so it won't be like I'm seeking a diagnosis this time.  But we'll see.  I've just been so freaking busy since this term started.  :/ 

1) Cookies.  Well all sugar.  I was and still am if I'd allow for it a total carb monster.  I had to have the come to jesus meeting with myself about tthe countless carbs going in my pie hole.  I was on a non-stop carb train starting in the morning with Starbucks drinks and pastry items, chips and fries at lunch, candy bars in the afternoon with sodas, and cookies and cakes after dinner.  Carbs for me start and never stop the craving machine, so I had to stop them pretty close to cold turkey.

2) I had some wicked rash and swelling around my incisions which made them not heal quickly.  They looked gross and prolonged my getting out and about longer than I wished.   I had a pretty extensive cleaning, and rotation of creams I had to put on them in order to keep them at bay.  I look back now and think it wasn't really all that bad, but when your trying to just get better it seemed like one.

3) I had a lapband for 8 years before I traded it in last year for VSG.  Any vet advice I can give based on that is this: I treat myself like I have an addiction issue.  I have to stay diligent every day about my feelings about food and keep it in its right place or I will end up where I was before. 

1.)  fear of failure one "last" time.

2.)  recovering from infection due to leaking during surgery

3.)  letting go of beating myself up for regaining after my husbands death. Once I did, I started losing again.

1) That NO ONE would listen to my mother or me, that food was not my problem. There was a deeper cause to my obesity. Its also why I have problems with Drs even now. 

2) holding myself back from doing to much too quick. I was extremely fit except for my fat suit. So recovery was a breeze.

3) 11.5 years later my struggle is with food. And it sucks. I litterally have to eat more now, then I ever had to before surgery. Its time consuming and bothersome. Yet if I dont my body freaks worse than it already does (yay rare genetic autoimmune reason for my obesity). Like its lunch time now, I dont feel like eating at all, but my whole GI tract is in an uproar right now. But I have to or things will progress away from the GI and take me down hard. UGH

I regret nothing about surgery, except damn I have to eat alot. If left to me Id eat no more than 1500cals a day, but noooo I have to devote time to eating. And I wont eat just to eat. Its horrible when I am in the mood for somethin.

1) I hated the way I over ate the way I looked and how lousy I felt ( was developing diabetes) I hated wasting my youth being fat and felt very unsuccessful. 

2) putting down the spoon ! Not snacking and grazing ! Not drinking with meals 

3) not stuffing my feelings by constantly ingesting 

i did realize pretty fast that overeating was just a symptom of something deeper being wrong . Obviously if I knew what it was I'd do my best to fix it ... in my case I think it's growing up with severe domestic violence perpetrated by my father and financial domestic violence ( again perpetrated by him but also others because I allowed the pattern not knowing any better) 

im also too used to relying only on myself - I had an untrustworthy uncaring mother and now basically trust nobody. It gets in the way because I allow very few friendships and they are usually with uncaring selfish people. 

I hope to dare make more real connections soon -for too long a time my only friend was food.