OT - Really trying not to lose it

I'm so sorry, Deanna. That's awful. :(  I would absolutely be upset, too.  

Definitely take care of yourself right now.  Get the support you need while your husband is traveling.  Please hang in there!

I have some experience with crazy work schedules, and it can be difficult. Sainted Husband had had to be on call in his career for 15 years, and before that he was a long-haul trucker for a couple of years, so he would be on the road 30 days and home for 3 at most. He used to only be on call one 24-hour period a week, but now he is on call a full week out of every five. In addition to that, he is a foreman, so if one of his guys is on call or just needs an extra set of hands, he goes out. Because most buildings cannot be withou****er during business hours, it's not uncommon for him to work at night. In short, his schedule is all over the place. He also has a minimum of an hour-plus commute each way and teaches an apprentice class at least once a month.

Sainted Husband loves his job, he is very passionate about it, and he is really good at it. I get tired of his schedule, and dog knows he does (who the hell wants to go inspect a grease trap at 5am?), but it's just part and parcel of life. I decided I would just roll with it, even when he has to work all day, come home and sleep for three hours and then go back out.

Until last spring, I have always worked full-time. I found organization and preplanning really helped take the stress level down. Example: I used to cook ahead and freeze things so I could thaw and serve as well as avoid take out food, I used to hang a week's worth of outfits up in the closet, ironed and with accessories so all I had to do was grab one and put it on, I used to make coffee the night before so all I had to do in the morning was press a button, I would menu plan and grocery shop on the weekend to avoid mid-week stops at the store, etc. Most importantly, though, I scaled back some of my activities and enlisted help. I realized I simply did not have time to do every single thing I wanted to, so I prioritized what was most important to me. I cut a lot of casual hobbies because they were a time sink. I also had both kids do chores to help, ie, loading and unloading the dishwasher, swishing out the toilet, folding laundry (didn't have to be perfect), sweeping, taking out the trash. Your little guy is young for most of that stuff, but my kids loved pairing socks at any age.

You have taken on a lot over the past few months. A puppy in particular is a lot of work. I know you love the little guy, but as busy as you are, would it be better to rehome him through his breeder or a reputable rescue? Does your older son drive? Could he or someone else pick up your younger son at least a couple of days a week? Can you trade off pick up and drop off with another parent? The travel is hard, but what I think is harder on you is all the things you have committed yourself to and all the major changes of the past year.

Thanks for all of the ideas on how to lighten the load.  At this point my oldest isnt driving, but he does have his permit and I want him to get his license this summer.  

I'm not willing to give up the puppy.  I had to fight tooth and nail to get that little guy, and hubby really isn't a dog person, so now that he's with us he's not going anywhere.  Soon enough he'll be trained and it will get easier.

The unfortunate thing (and fortunate) is that my mother is watching my youngest and she lives 25 miles from my house.  It is on the way home for me when I leave work and it's on the way to work for me, so it's not totally inconvenient, but it's not convenient to ask anyone else to get him for me.  Even when my hubby does pick him up for me, it's out of his way and he just does it because he wants to make it less stressful on me.  

I think that what I'm going to have to do is just bide my time, like I've been doing for the last couple of years.  Most of the time I can deal with it, it's just every once in a while that it gets overwhelming for me.  The last few weeks have been super stressful.  I think I need to get a massage or something.

Perhaps a daycare closer to your house so if your son does start driving he could pick up his brother and your husband could pick up your son more easily when he does have the chance?

I know with my dogs it took a full six months with the pug (they tend to be slow to potty train and she loved to chew on the coffee table) and my doxie took several months, too. My other doxie was adopted as a adult, so he came (luckily) with beautiful manners. My boys are three and a half and still very puppy-like and energetic. Power pug is almost eight, so she is a little slower these days.

Gosh, I feel like I'm making excuses here, and I don't want it to come across that way.  I appreciate the advice.

My mom watching my son is helpful in two ways.  The first is that she's pretty cheap, in comparison to a traditional daycare.  I do pay her, but overall it's a pittance compared to what I would have to pay even an in home daycare.  The second is that my mom is struggling financially and lost her job last year.  She's unable to work the kinds of jobs that she has for her whole life, and is currently not working at all.  She has COPD and kidney disease.  She's been off of work for a year, and they've been living on my stepdad's social security and his full time job.  Mom is only 63, so isn't ready to draw social security just yet.  She'd have to take it at a drastic cut if she started now, and she's not eligible for full SS until she's 66 years old.  Since I do pay her, and provide food for my kiddo, this helps her immensely.  as much as it's a burden on me in a way, it's helpful in so many other ways that it's worth it.  I'm also glad for the opportunity for the two of them to have a relationship.  My mom spent a lot of time with my oldest son when he was young, and it makes me smile to see her with my youngest.  With all of her health issues, I worry she's not going to be around to see my youngest grow up.  

My mother in law used to watch my little one for free, and she lives around the block from me.  She watched him from the time he was 7 weeks old until last summer, when she had a mild heart attack.  She was watching him part time, and my mom and sister in law were filling in the rest until a couple of months ago she had an episode of horrible sciatic pain that landed her in the ER.  She's got something going on with her back and is in PT, so she's not able to commit to watching Kal for any length of time.  She desperately misses him, since they spent the first 3 years of his life together 40+ hours a week.  

My job is at a standstill today while I wait for the IT department to restore the corrupted database that I'm working on.  Don't mind the rambling, lol.

Some great advice in here for ya sweetie 

I don't have anything to add, except support for you! Vent away whenever you need! I'll always listen!

You will get through this... and there's always that age old adage... "That which does not kill us... makes us bat **** crazy at times, but we do get through!"

Find time for yourself when you can, try to get enough sleep while he's gone, and be selfish when you can!

This sounds like a "I want my cake but I don't want the calories that come with it issue" type problem.  If your family loves the lifestyle his job provides then it stays, if you can do without some of the extras then drop the job and enjoy less things but more time with him, if you need the money then you'll have to help make the difference up somehow if you want him home more such as you picking up a higher paying job.

Also talk to him about it when your not in a combative mood.  He might not like traveling so much.  I'm sure he feels bad sitting in a hotel while his boys grow up.  He misses their games, family dinners, your time, and so on too.  If you can find a way to budget him out of having to work that job then maybe he'd be game.

You have gotten good advice.

I have been a single mom my whole parenting life. If I had a loving husband that works hard and provides for us, I would be grateful even if I rarely saw him. I know so many people out of work and struggling to get by. 

It will be much easier when your younger son is older. Your older son definitely needs his driver's license.

I'm sorry that you've had to do it alone.  I have much respect for moms. During my first marriage,  my husband worked a swing shift and i was basically a single mom for 5 years.

Then i left him and was a single mom for 3 more years until i married my current husband. 

Don't get me wrong,  i am grateful for my husband and how hard he works. But I am very unhappy with the way things are.  I keep going and working and supporting my hubby,  but I don't like it.  I don't choose this for my life.  I love my kids and I love my husband,  and struggling with this doesn't change how i feel for them.  But when I'm in a situation that makes me so very unhappy,  i feel the need to get it out.  

I'm so excited my son is going to be driving soon. He already has a car in the driveway!