Transfer addiction - shopping

I'm coming at this from knowing you for a while, meeting you (liking you!) and reading your posts for as long as I've been here. 

You know this isn't ok. Which is why you posted it. I do that **** too. I'll post something thinking I'll get opinions but after the fact realize I just wanted someone to tell me it was ok to make the wrong choice. 

And the reason this isn't ok is because of the transfer addiction part. But also because of the finances as you've posted before about that. 

Youre in therapy which is so so awesome. You're doing exactly what you need to do - talk to her about it and come up with coping strategies for it. You can do this. DH and I are going to our first couples session tonight. Therapy is an amazing tool if you work it. 

I was always to broke to shop but have to confess I did spend more than I should once I reached goal....  Treat yourself you deserve it but be careful  

When I lost my weight in '08/'09, I spent easily over $1K on EBay on jeans.  I bought pairs that would cost upwards of $150/ea for $50/80, sometimes as low as $20.  Now, in the last few years, I have gotten into Renaissance and Pirate faires and I have TONS of corsets and skirts and full length pirate corset coats made just for me... 

I also want to mention that I've kinda always had this problem, so it's really not new.  It is a bit more extreme now than before. 

Deanna, I'm sorry if I made light of this.  I didn't understand that you truly meant you thought you had a transfer addiction - I thought you were just like feeling a little guilty for indulging.  I understand both personally.

Before WLS, I would overeat.  As a teenager and young adult, I would skip meals and then binge and purge.  I got past the bulimia but ended up around 260 lbs.  With WLS, I was able to focus on portion control.

However, I still felt like I was "missing" something.  I went from a normal drinker to a person drinking 2 bottles of wine most nights.  Because the onset happened pretty rapidly I recognized it and sought treatment.  As I posted earlier, I'm nearly 11 months sober.  That is going well but I often still feel I am "missing" something.

I have something in my personality that is compulsive.  I don't have any medical or psychiatric diagnosis or OCD or anything other than generalized anxiety disorder for which I now take Cymbalta, which helps.

This compulsive impulse expresses itself in different ways.  Sometimes I go overboard with exercise, sometimes with work and sometimes with shopping. It's almost like the same imouse that used to drive me to eat- even when I wasn't hungry.

I've also learned through therapy that because I'm prone to this and recognize it, sometimes I feel guilty for indulging in something - whether it be a small piece of desert or shopping. 

For me personally, it's OK to indulge sometimes (just not alcohol- I can never touch that again).  I work really hard and deserve some nice things.  As long as I'm not going overboard, paying cash, staying on budge****ching for the compulsive triggers, etc. I can treat myself.  

Lastly, I'm not perfect and no one is.  Trying to adhere 100% to being on plan to things that trigger you such as food or buying things is impossible.  It's not like alcohol- something you can stop altogether if it triggers you.  We have to have food and clothing.  If you indulge a little don't feel guilty about it.  If it's causing issues then do something about it.  Only you can know if it's an issue.  

Anyway, sorry for my ramblings, I just wanted to share my experience.  

P.S. I think you should keep both pairs and put one on display to remind yourself of how it made you feel when you bought it. Then you can evaluate in the future if it's worth it.

WARNING-- Possible Trigger ahead, I don't want anyone to get blindsided.  

Hi Heather, thanks for the post and don't you worry about it at all.  I always try to post in a lighthearted manner, it makes it easier to deal with. You had no way of knowing what was really going on.  

You and I seem to have similar personality traits, because I can tell you that I am exactly the same way.  I go in cycles through extremes with different things.  I've been like this for as long as I can remember, I don't do anything halfway, I'm all in or nothing.  It can be scary and seem obsessive, and it's just how I am.

I know, for me, it has to do with control issues and escapism.  I was sexually abused as a child, for the first 13 years of my life.  When I was 13, I told a teacher and the abuser (my father) was prosecuted and went to jail for 10 years.  I have been in and out of therapy my whole life, but it's so easy to just act like everything is fine and perfect.

Having weight loss surgery was the beginning of a journey for me.  Not only to losing weight, but also to healing myself.  I'm using this journey to step out of my comfort zone and to start talking about the things I have avoided dealing with for decades.  I have always been "open" about the abuse, I've talked about it, it wasn't a secret or hidden.  But I'm coming to realize that being open about it was, in a way, another way of not actually dealing with it.  It was dismissing it like old news, just something that happened and not a big deal...

I have been drinking more now after surgery than I ever did before.  I am not to the point that I'm drinking 2 bottles of wine a night, or blacking out or anything.  I do drink at least 1 glass a night, and occasionally 2.  I've actually lessened it a bit in the last few weeks because I'm losing interest in it, like I do with most of my "addictions".  

Therapy tomorrow, I'm glad because I have a lot on my mind this week.

Thank you for sharing, Deanna, it's not easy to put our pasts out there, but it may help others to know they are not alone in their experiences.

I admire your honesty and openness.  I hope this is okay, but I will add you to my prayers!! You are very brave in sharing your heartbreak in whatever manner you choose to cope!

I am trying to limit the shopping now.  Went overboard there for a while.  My biggest transfer addiction is COFFEE by a mile.  I crave it all day.  When I see coffee flavored things I salivate.  

Those shoes are great though!!  

You have to have fun in life ! THat doesn't mean I don't take the issue of transfer addiction and shopping addiction seriously . 

I myself have WAY too many clothes but most were collected pre-op because they made me feel pretty when I felt like damaged goods inside. 

Five years post op I'm finally getting regular one on one therapy and it's really helping me focus on and to make the necessary changes to vault to the next level of success. 

I see the fear now that holds me back and also the laziness - it's easier to watch tv and bit.. h and moan than to show up day after day and work hard and handle the pressure . 

But having successfully completed one big project this year and 95% completed another I dreamed of doing for a dozen years I can tell you it feels Great !! Empowering! And it wasn't that hard! 

Interestingly it also provided the impetus to finally end a destructive relationship because I could clearly see he had no qualms about sabotaging me, my work relationships and my projects .