Mourning and Rage

All I can offer is hugs, and the wish that you find peace and joy in your life once more. 

Sometimes life is cruel.

Again, I recommend a therapist.  It'll take work, but you can find new things in life that can be important to you.  For me, that knowledge is empowering - I hope that it is for you as well.  

Thank you to all *****sponded or stopped in their day to give a thought to me.  At some point I'm sure that I'll be looking into therapy.  Again, thank you.

I also recommend a grief group. It was invaluable to me after my son died. It helped to be in the company of others who understood.

Regarding your clothing, have you thought of accepting commissions? My bff is a costumer, and she is busy throughout the year with it, which she does as a second job. 

Weight loss brings a whole host of changes, and not all of them are physical. It can be difficult to adapt to our new life when we have used food to cope. 

I am sorry for your loss and hope you are able to gain a measure of peace.

First and foremost, HUGS to you.  I can't imagine losing one of my children and it sounds like your niece was really one of yours.  I can't imagine the devastation and heartbreak you and your family are experiencing.

Get some help.  Seriously.  You need someone who can talk to you about your loss as well as your feelings about your own person and especially your self worth.  You are SO much more important than chicken wings and a fancy wardrobe.  PTSD sucks the life out of you and perhaps when you work through that, along with your grief, you will be able to find joy in new experiences.

I still love food, but now I enjoy creating beautiful dishes for my family and friends.  I take a nibble or two, but I'm all about the company over the calories.

I lost a fabulous wardrobe(and a shoe size!), so I feel your pain as far as finances!  My wardrobe was mostly business clothes and I didn't put in the blood, sweat and tears you did, for sure.  I do find pleasure in searching consignment now.  I love seeing my new body in clothes I never imagined fitting into again.  And high heels?  ALL DAY NO PAIN.  WOOOT!

My new hobbies include mud runs with my kids, I obtained my second degree black belt and became a certified Martial Arts Instructor, I Zumba (poorly, but I do it), I go to plays and concerts and actually fit into the seats.  I no longer feel self conscious on bus tours or walking through a farmer's market sampling cheese (this former fatty rarely ate in public cuz you know, that fooled the public).  I love going grocery shopping and discovering new meats and veggies.  AND CHEESE.  (I really like cheese.)

My outlook on life is increasingly better as I am now freed from the chains of all that weight.  You are still so newly out, you've not gotten to the elation stage of totally fading into a crowd as no longer the fattest one around.  It's absolutely amazing.

Talk to someone.  Reach out.  Mourn.  Heal.  And then figure out a way to enjoy who you are becoming.   You are worth it.

Hi taffySal****er,

As someone that recently lost her husband of 39 years the day after our anniversary, I understand.  You are going to have to just go through it like you have everything else sad, bad that has happened in your life.  It can be a very dark lonely place. Let family, friends and loved ones help when you are ready.  When the time is right you will start to see things differently.  It's like someone slowly opens the blinds and lets the light in.  Step by step you will start living again and view things differently.  

Sending you a big hug 

Thank you for your kind words.  I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you continue to find the strength you so generously give to others.