How to feel satisfied...

So, I have lost 130 pounds.  I am in a good place.  I wear a size 8, I look good.  I have a decent figure, and I feel so much better than I have in decades.  

How can I feel satisfied with my body and my progress? I still feel like I'm struggling with being happy with myself.  I've done well.  I weigh 160 pounds, I did get down to 154, but I honestly don't feel the difference in the 6 pounds.  

I am struggling to get to the place where I can be be satisfied with myself and my body.  I have decided, after being at my weight, that my high weight limit should be 160, but I'd really like to get down to 150 pounds. My original goal weight is 140lbs, because that would give me a a BMI of 24.9, which would put me into a normal BMI range.  I know that my body type is a little bit more "sturdy" so the BMI chart isn't always realistic.  I'm mostly happy with where I am, though I'd like some buffer so I can go on a maintenance diet, but I don't think that as it stands I feel comfortable with that.

It's such a terrible mind game.  I like where I am, but i don't know if I want to keep up the struggle that I'm at, so I know I need a little buffer to be happy, but getting lower seems so hard and I really want to just go into maintenance.  uggh, what can I do to just stop fighting and be happy?

Is the answer lose another 10 pounds?  My therapist says I need to be a little kinder to myself.  I tend to be really hard on myself when I struggle.  

I worry that I'll never be satisfied.  I worry that I will never be in a space that makes me feel like I did it.  Will I get to a place where I feel like I can lighten up and go into maintenance?  

I'm only 18 months post-op. Should I even be worrying about it yet?  should I give myself more time?  Should I push myself harder to get the buffer that I need, or should I lighten up and just try to be happy with my journey so far?  It's so frustrating to be so unsure of myself and what I want.  

I am in therapy, and I'm working on it, but it's so hard.

When I get in this similar place of am I on the right  path-- I remind myself that there are no wrong decisions.. they are choices that will either get me where I want to be quickly, or over more time. Not making a conscious choice to work towards something is apathy towards life-IMO. Lead life-- don't let life lead you. 

I try and reset my mind to the basics of WLS. 70% of excess weight lost is a success. I tell myself I am a succes! I force the self deprecating thoughts of 'but I haven't made it to goal' down deep. Sometimes that means not reading other stories/successes cause it leads me to want to compare myself to them. 

Keep working on the you you want to be, while honoring the you you are! 

Is there a particular part that you are unhappy with? It seems most people have one area they wish was different, be it a smaller waist or less floppy arms.

If it isn't a particular area and more a general dissatisfaction, then it's something to explore. Do you have a specific size you are going for, or did you have a picture of how you would look post WLS and feel you are not there? 

The following observation may not apply. I have seen some here feel unhappy with themselves because of not having met a perceived but unspoken goal or size of the WLS community at large, a sort of Good Housekeeping seal of approval. 

My weight loss coasted to a stop and I was in maintenance. I didn't do it purposely. 

I think the maintenance and the dissatisfaction are separate issues. 

Edited for spelling

I've been thinking about it and I am unhappy with the belly fat and small apron of skin that I have.  I don't have a specific size, I'm currently wearing a size 8, and that feels amazing to me.  

This whole thing is just such a mind ****  Going back to therapy has me reevaluating my goals and the way I'm working towards them.  I will definitely be bringing this up with my therapist at the next meeting.

Okay, I see what you're saying. It is hard sometimes to have come so far and then have something that is bothersome. 

I know you went for bodyfat scanning at one point, have you lost much weight since then? Maybe you should go again. It might give you a more accurate picture of where you are at than BMI. I know the first time I went I was told I had higher than average muscle mass...which made sense because it takes a lot of muscle to carry around all that weight.

Another thought is to go for a plastic surgery consult...even if you aren't ready for it. Plastic Surgeons can see through the rolls of skin and fat and tell you what the real deal is. I had 5 consults and not one of them said I wasn't ready....Visually to me it looked like I needed to lose at least another 30 or more pounds... when I had the LBL it actually weighed 4 1/2lbs. Small in weight, huge in volume.

Would the Rolling Stones help?

Lol, I'm going to try it out! LOL

You are not alone in your thoughts.  It is like being back in grade school where you might be in the middle of the class marks wise but get it into your head that you want to be near the top.  That's all well and good but it is a rat race at the top and then there's recess.  Have some fun...only compete with yourself... or not. Also like Peachpie says maybe select the threads you click on to read.  There can be a downside to this site, there will always be people who are the racehorses - but it doesn't mean a good ol donkey can't be even more valuable in the long run.

It's all about the long run, and your own head.

I can gain or lose 3 lbs almost overnight. I have a weight goal range. Anything above the high limit makes me cringe. Anything below the limit - and I know I am either dehydrated or I lost all my reserves (glycogen, fat, etc,) and that is also very dangerous for me since I may experience severe RH to a point of passing out. Not cool. 

This is my maintenance. 

What is your current body fat,%?  I would invest in real DEXA scan to see what it is. Body fat% above  30% is unhealthy. 25-30- ok, but you should be careful not to gain. 20-25... Is nice lean... Under 20 - you need to watch for for things like low BP, more stress on the the body. Hormonal imbalances...Etc. 

For women - we need app 15% essential body fat. The extra 10% is our buffer... So if we get sick, or have a day that you just can't eat much - your body had enough storage to sustain itself without compromising the health. 

The test can be as little as $50 or up to $200.  Check it out.