Shallow feelings

Oh, Darling, your answer seems right there.  The little girl within wants to be praised and fussed over and have her sweet head patted.  There's nothing wrong with that when the issue is of such great magnitude.  There' s also the sibling rivalry thing going on.  My take on it is that your husband withheld by saying nothing all along the way.  Maybe if he had acknowledged your achievement, you wouldn't be feeling this resentment.  His weight loss would be something you'd share just as you'd shared yours.  Have you told him how you feel about his silence?  The elephant in the room may be easier to sweep out than you think.

It also occurs to me that, if you've never told him your 'observation' -- the one you wrote about some time back in the other website and for which you'll always be #1 in my heart (sorry, folks, but if you don't know, you probably shouldn't ask) -- it might be an important one for the two of you to share, kind of a happy replacement for the elephant.

I did tell him about that 'observation' shortly after it happened. His response was, 'what I do is an art, worthy of an audience'. Can we say ego?!

i have not asked him why he doesn't comment on my weight loss-- I just decided that when I got a milestone, NSV, etc I'm super excited about- I tell him about it rather ham hoping he'll recognize it to. 

That's a very funny response.

To the point, though ---- If I were you, I'd let him know that I was disappointed and that I would have expected more from him.  Very recently I told my closest friend, a man, how hurt I was that I hadn't heard from him in over a week when he knew I was undergoing major medical tests. It's not like him not to stay in close touch.  It turns out that he's been in a funk in general (which I knew) and his mind wasn't focusing on anything.  He felt terrible and was glad I told him how I felt.  Do what makes sense for you, but please do give some thought to speaking up.  It doesn't have to be an angry discussion.

Edited to add:  It's possible that your great weight loss is threatening to him, as though he fears you'll move on to greener pastures.  If that of something similar is the case, both of you would benefit from a good talk.

Aww Peach. I can understand why you would feel that way. Especially since he never acknowledges your loss. (Maybe he is too worried if he acknowledges it, you will say to him that he needs to lose? Maybe he is jealous? But you know him and I don't so it may not be that at all.)

Maybe have a sit-down and work together.  If he is in need of losing weight and you feel a part of helping make that happen for him you'll feel included and you can celebrate the losses for you both?  Last March when I went for my WLS I was 5 9" at 280 and my husband was 6 2" at 260.  So he was also obese but a bit more reasonably so.  We both lost very quickly at first and his manly genetics kept him ahead of me for the first 4 months, I then caught up and past him.  Never was a day that I felt so good.  We are both about a 29/30 BMI right now but I'm in smaller jeans and weigh less regardless of his height LOL.  It matters to me, it shouldn't or I should play fair and base it on BMI or something but when I past him it felt really good no matter that it really makes no sense. 

Anyway me and my husband banded together on this weight loss gig and it really helped us both.  If you can find a way to reach out to yours and see if you can both work together I think you'd both benefit.  We decided that we both were unhealthy, and unable to do all the things we wanted.  One day we were sitting on a boat heading back to shore after a dive and it stuck me... all the older people in their 50s+ were not fat. I had the sudden realization that while I was fat and diving that day that my days were going to be quickly numbered if I didn't get fit.  I talked to him about it and the next day he saw it too.  We both realized our weight now would not serve us well later and would hinder our ability to do the things important to us.  

If you want your husband around for the long haul then kick his butt in gear and work with him to loose the weight.  You can always keep the knowledge that you did it first, you rocked that **** and your the example in your hat while helping him :-)

So my hubby doesn't realize he's unhealthy- he 'just' thinks he's overweight. This won't be a get him on board   Event either, despite my desire. He just views couples that go to the gym together or meal plan together as over the top. I call it practical He's stubborn. 

What you said about not seeing 50+ people that were overweight is just what I worry about. Financially we'll enjoy our 50's better than now... and i know how much age and obesity can impact those 'golden' years. 

My boyfriend felt the same way (he did not think he was unhealthy, just overweight****il he had a stroke at the age of 46. By the grace of God, he recovered 100%. He just admitted to me this past week that his blood pressure was so high for so long, the doctors did not hold out any hope of a full recovery for him. I feel badly that I did not tell him his choices were unhealthy and that his life (and quite honestly our future) was at stake BEFORE he had the stroke. Now we talk about it all the time. I have told him it is not fair to ME and US for him to not take care of his health. I want us to be active and busy in our retirement someday and that cannot happen if he is DEAD. I told him I was doing my part and for our relationship to work it had to be a partnership and he had to do his part, too. People think I am harsh, but I am being truthful to him about my feelings. Thankfully he is taking care of his health now. He works out everyday, gets his 10,000 steps in (I stalk him on fitbit and taunt him when he is not getting his steps in), he has lost 40 pounds, makes healthier choices most of the time, and takes his blood pressure medicine daily. I hope it does not take a stroke to get your husband on board fully. He may not be as lucky as my boyfriend.

I so agree with you on this Laura.  My husband has Type 2 diabetes and struggles with his blood sugar and triglycerides.  I really wanted him to consider surgery, but he really wanted to try to get his **** together on his own first.  I had surgery, so our lives had changed, so there was a chance that he could make the changes on his own.  Initially he lost over 30 pounds and was doing well, but could only maintain that so long before he gained it all back.  But it really came down to money with him.  One of his big issues was the cost of surgery, because while we have insurance, we always have to hit our maximum out of pocket, so we will have bills to pay.  When I pointed out that he's paying well over $100 a month for diabetes medication and that we could likely reroute most of that money to the bill for the surgery, he really started thinking about it.

He's now decided that he's going to have surgery.  He wants to be around for our son, who will be graduating high school when we're nearing retirement age. 

Awe. I am so happy your husband decided to get his health under control and have surgery. I know this has been weighing heavy on your mind. Hugs!! 

I'm sorry he won't see the light especially when it may mess up those golden years being as good as they could be.  I think men get off easier for being overweight and sometimes that's nice because they arn't as hammered by it.  But I can see in this case where it's a bad thing, he might not feel society's burden weighing on him that he's in need of weight loss.  I work with men primarily and most of them could loose some weight but none of them see their extra 20-50lbs as an issue.  It's not for some of them but the ones at 100 over somehow only see themselves as 50lbs over because all of them are fat, one is just more fat and needs to loose to get back in shape which is still fat.  /sigh

Anyway Peach keep your head up, maybe he'll have that moment of clarity and see the people over 50 one day doing something he loves and can still do but it'll occur to him that he might not be if he keeps this up.