Shallow feelings

Background: hubby has never acknowledged or otherwise complimented my weight loss. I'd resigned myself to just build a support network around him. Weight is the elephant in the room with us. His obesity is there ignored, my loss is not acknowledged.

So the other day I looked at my hubby and thought to myself he looked slimmer- but kept it to myself. Last night he mentioned that someone at church said he looks like he lost weight. I asked if he'd weighed himself recently, and encouraged him to. Today he did and told me he is down some- maybe about 12#. Great, right??

nope- I suddenly felt like he was trampling in my world. Weight loss is supposed to  be my thing. I immediately felt like a child who didn't want to share their favorite toy. Heck one of my goals was to weigh less than him-- and despite the fact that I still do by over 100#, I didn't like that the gap between us narrowed ever so slightly.

So I should be happy- and hope that this loss motivates him to get healthy too. But I'm not totally there.  I guess part of me always knew how stubborn he is and wouldn't waiver in his ways, so this would be my thing. And to add insult to injury- he loses with no mentionable effort. That's just not fair! 

Ok- I'll work in getting over myself and figure out my 'new' place in all this. 

Your weight loss is phenomenal. Your effort is clearly paying off and your hubby's weight loss is a result of YOU.  Take those he pounds lost and add it to your total ha ha!! Realistically, your hubby is getting healthier with each pound gone.....be glad for it.  Don't stop believing in yourself.

Weight and our feelings about it can be so complicated. Be kind to yourself while you navigate this.

Shallow or not, the feelings are real.  It must have been painful to not have your tremendous accomplishments acknowledged or celebrated. And now he want his 12 pounds acknowledged? It's human to think, 'you've got some nerve, buddy.'

Once the sting dulls, think about how both of your lives could improve if he joins you in getting healthy. No more unspoken elephant in the room, praise for both of your efforts, fewer family health expenses, new shared healthy family adventures...

(But to soothe that inner child, remember, you always will have done it first )

My partner lost app 30 lbs ... I am happy for him.. because he likes that. He feels better. 

During us being together (6 years) I gained 20 lbs and lost 35...  He never commented on my weight, except recently... When I lost the last 8 lb without really wanting or trying... His comments were more of concern..Since  am now more "skin and bones" in some areas. 

I am happy he lost weight, because it makes him happy.  And I can feed him more stuff without worrying about him putting on weight. I cook a lot of food with butter, coconut oil, etc. I buy him "goodies" and I don't have to worry his health is badly affected. And yes - i asked him to have a complete physical to make sure that my full fat diet is not killings him slowly... What "made me mad " was that his heart health markers are even better than mine (cholesterol, sugar, calcium deposits..Etc). And he eats cakes, cookies, bread..drink soda... Though in moderation. And not every day..  

Your example and the changes you made in your life affect your family. I would be happy... 

Maybe this seems like a sappy reply, but in July it will be eight years since my husband died.

Human beings desire appreciation (not flattery) more than anything else.  A few since words of appreciation can make a person's heart sing for many years.

Be the bigger person and give him honest appreciation for his slimmer look.  Hopefully he will learn and start to give appreciation back to you. 

In the meantime, I admire everything about you.  You have been strong and successful, insightful and inspiring.  You are a beautiful woman, inside and out.

Relationships do not last forever.  Either you split up or one of you dies.  Make your time together as happy as possible.  Give love and appreciation, even when it is difficult.  Like every other muscle, the appreciation muscle gets stronger the more you use it.

"Relationships do not last forever.  Either you split up or one of you dies. Make your time together as happy as possible..."

This is a profound statement.  I remember when my father died, the realization that every person that I love -- every one -- would either attend my funeral or I theirs.  It gives perspective whenever times are difficult.

Love to you Dove.

I get it. And I think it's normal to feel more than one emotion about it.

Different situation, but In my case,  I've tried for years to find a physical activity my husband and I could enjoy together ( he loves team sports, I do not) I've taken a step back for a little while, and just enjoy my gym time. If a few months from now he started strength training on his own, I'd be happy for him sure, but also part of me would be annoyed. I'm sure I'd get over it, but I know I'd still feel it, and that's fine. I guess it's what we do with those feelings that matters.