Did you tell?

I didn't tell anyone ....don't think I would do anything different. I was happy not to have anyone policing my weight loss. I showed up at a family reunion 200 lbs less....at that point, I didn't care if people "figured it out".

Scott

I bet they were amazed by how great you looked!! I can understand not wanting to be "policed" and also Im pretty sure there will be plenty of judgement about it either way. Thank you for sharing your perspective. Also its nice to see that losing 200 lbs is not impossible, maybe there is hope for me yet.

I lost 300 lbs in total and have kept it off for 11 years. It's not only possible- it can be a reality.

Since I had my surgery, I had several family members have the RNY (I had the DS), and I'm pretty sure that another one had the lap band (but no one is suppose to know). Of the 2 RNYers....one didn't lose any weight, the other followed the dietary guidelines really really closely and lost most of his excess weight, but he is now fighting regain. The "secret" Lap bander lost some weight and then regained it all.

I SAY ALL THAT to say that even at 11 years out my family "monitors" my weight loss...asking me constantly if I'm eating right...and if I am regaining. So I'm not sure you can avoid being policed all together...but I was sensitive about my weight when I first had surgery and didn't want people watching my every move.

Scott

I only told immediate family prior to surgery. After I had lost most of my excess weight I opened up about it to anyone who asked, especially those who say things like "You wouldn't know since you are so tiny" (LOL - "tiny" me????). I get a lot of positive feedback and questions from those who have contemplated WLS.  I also hear the stories about people they know who ate whatever they wanted and gained the weight back or how they could personally never do it because of the risks.  I use the weight gain stories as reasons to forever being vigilant about my eating and exercise plans (as the vets on OH have taught us so well). I sometimes (depending on who it is) point out that the risks of obesity are higher than the risks of surgery.

I told some people but for the most part I didnt say much. This was a highly personal choice, as truely I didnt want surgery, but I knew NOTHING I could do was going to control my bodys fat storage function. Lets just say this my body knew how to store fat on negative caloric intake (more calories out than in). (finally have knowlege of how now, only took 11 years post surgery to catch my bodies problem).

I still do not tell many, I didnt tell my bf of 5 years till about 2 years ago. People that have met me post WLS have not a clue and they dont need to know. 

If your friends will be judgy, they arent much of friends then. You can find better.

And truely tell mom to mind your wishes and tell no one. If she does tell her it will break your trust and will likely not talk to her about touchy subjects again. It usually works good. Just cause she is mom doesnt mean she has free rein to break your wishes. Its called common curtesy and respect.

There is no such thing as a secret. If you tell one person, you might as well tell everyone. And after you've lost enough weight, the rest will make the assumption anyway.

If you treat it like a secret, people will assume you are ashamed and they'll talk about you behind your back. There will be endless discussions. If you try to tell them something like you had a hernia operation, or you are just losing through diet and exercise, they'll figure it out, and call you a liar on top of everything else.

I just told everyone up front. And really, 98 percent of everyone was just great about it. They knew it was time. The other 2 percent, I just made it clear that I was not offering to debate or discuss the decision with them, and that would be the end of it.

And, seriously, if you don't tell people about it they'll STILL talk about you behind your back.  Better to have them gossip about the truth than gossip about crap they've speculated.  

Pre-op I only told the people in my life who actually needed to know and the people *****ally shouldn't find out that I was having surgery via a phone call to say that I'd died.  (Grim, sure, but that's the way my brain works.)  This means I told my parents, my partners, my brother, and my two best friends.  I told my medical providers, of course, my massage therapist, and my voice teacher.  I didn't tell anyone else pre-op.

Post-op... I really wrestled with telling people and keeping it to myself was driving me crazy.  About 6 months post-op I made a Facebook post and told everyone.  The response I got was overwhelmingly supportive and positive and my friends have been awesome about my weight loss and my fight for a healthy self ever since.  I've never regretted sharing this and I'm an open book about it all when asked.  

But pre-op?  Yeah.  I didn't want to deal with people trying to talk me out of it or telling me their urban legend horror stories or any crap like that.   

I didn't tell anybody except my husband and my best friend. I didn't care if people found out after but I didn't want to hear everybody's opinion before surgery. Everybody seems to know of a coworker's sister's ex-boyfriends cousins aunt's neighbor that died. People just don't understand and for some reason they only see it as a vanity thing. My kids don't even know. I had to have a hiatal hernia fixed along with wls so that's all anybody knows.   

The key to dealing with the negativity is to be confident enough in what you know and what you want. It will be impossible to hide your recovery from those in your household, and they would be hurt if you tried to.  Same goes with your friends in thinking you didn't trust them enough to share such a life-changing event.  You may be quite surprised with the amount of support you receive.  My dad, who I expected some negativity from, said he was proud of me for making such a move toward taking control over something I couldn't on my own. You may even be an inpspiration to others!  There will be at least one person against it, but they shouldn't sway you.  

Learn everything you can about the top 3 (RNY aka gastric bypass, DS aka Duodenal Switch, VSG aka sleeve).  They each work differently because wls isn't one-size-fits-all.  You need this for yourself as well as being able to address the questions about to come.