Praying I will find a way to get WLS!

I guess I'm just a little bummed and looking for some positive vibes.  I want so badly to be able to have WLS, but my health insurance doesn't cover any form of WLS whatsoever.  I'm pretty much living paycheck to paycheck as it is so self pay just isn't an option right now.  I'm still searching for jobs with better health insurance that DOES cover it.  In the meantime it's just hard.  I'll get in the habit of choosing healthier food options for a bit, bu*****pically only lasts for about a week before I revert back to old habits. For a couple months I got into the habit of walking on my treadmill daily, but got frustrated fast because I was seeing zero results and I could only tolerate so much before my back started bothering me.  

I've just been in this slump for awhile now.  My self esteem has dropped dramatically.  I just want to be normal and healthy.  I'll always recall shopping with my older cousin as a teenager.  I was probably a size 22 then.  I remember her finding a size 16 in a pair of pants and saying "oh my god, I'd kill myself if I ever got to that size."  I don't think she was trying to be mean when she said it.  That has just always stuck with me.  I no longer try to dress up, wear makeup or even style my hair when I go to work.  I probably look like a big frumpy pig, but I've stopped caring about my appearance a long time ago.  My motto is "no matter how hard you try, you can't make fat look pretty."  

Anyway, I guess I'm just venting.  I'm still determined to get the surgery.  Just may take a little longer.  Anyone else in a similar situation?  

Sending you tons of positive vibes that you find a way... till then a few things came to mind as I was reading... see if your insurance covers therapy working on getting in a better frame of mind will help for sure, self esteem, body image, ditching the old script that is playing in your head... an awesome therapist I know calls them Falsely Acquired Thoughts (F.A.T. Thoughts) and those need to go : https://youtu.be/aaROJGASe_Q?t=50s because while WLS is an awesome helping hand to getting healthy in body... the neck up stuff is still on us and that is the most important part IMHO.

As for surgery... check for loopholes like "unless deemed medically necessary" in your insurance policy which may just require some documented comorbidities.  

Ask about purchasing an additional rider to your policy. 

Carecredit.com is a medical loan option.

Wlsfa.org does weight loss surgery grants (not too many a year) but worth a shot.

Medical tourism (out of the country) self pay is considerably lower in cost and many here at OH have done it for wls and post-wls plastics (myself included)

Best to you!! 

I appreciate that so much!  Thank you for the tips and positive vibes.  I will definitely look into those options.  I agree that my self esteem needs to be worked on first.  It's been crap long before I got to this size.  So yeah, that needs to be taken care of or I won't succeed at weight loss or pretty much anything else in life.  Surgery abroad kinda freaks me out, but it's worth looking into I suppose.  I know it's way cheaper.  

Thanks again for the awesome advice.  I'll be doing some more research tonight.  

I can understand your frustration and hope you either find a job with a plan that covers surgery or that one of Eggface's suggestions leads you toward the OR.

One thing stands out in your opening note that I think needs to be addressed.  You said that you'll eat well for several days and then revert to bad habits.  It's imperative that anyone wanting surgery know that it will not end bad habits.  Habits are a matter of choices and behavior.  There is no magic in surgery.  It's an aid to an end.  It's up to the person who has surgery to make use of it.  It's also up to that person to be vigilant ever after so that she doesn't regain weight.  Too many people expect surgery to deliver something it cannot.  It's not my intention to dissuade you, but to help you understand that a commitment is necessary for long-term or, even better, permanent success.

See, that's what I'm afraid of. What if I have the surgery, but then go back to my bad habit of eating unhealthy?  What if I don't have the willpower to fight the food cravings?  Several years ago I managed to lose 50 pounds from eating better and daily exercise.  I kept it up for a year until I lost my then job and had to move.  The exercising stopped and I went back to eating unhealthy.  Gained all my weight back and then some.  That is my worst fear.  Everyone that I know who has had WLS has done very well.  Lost a ton of weight and have kept it off.  I honestly don't know how they do it.  I know the surgery isn't a magic fix all....just a step to helping you achieve your weight loss goal.  I'd like to think I'd be successful, but I honestly don't know.

It is a lot easier for me now because I never get hungry and can eat so little when I do eat.  As long as I stick to solid protein, over-eating for me would be impossible.

If I allow bread, rice, potatoes, cereal, sugar, pasta or pastries, then I can get hungry and overeat.

Surgery is just a tool, but it is a great tool when used correctly.

Thank you for the awesome advice!  It's great to hear that you have been successful.  Gives me hope. 

Don't despair.  Very few who've had surgery and succeeded do not have history of losing and regaining many times.  We know that success is within grasp because of all those who succeed and stay successful.  You have it within you.  The first step to discovering it is to stop doubting yourself.  It helps always to keep in mind the "why's" that go into choosing surgery and following the smart path. It also helps to think of other things you've accomplished and that make you proud.  You got there through passion, desire and commitment.  You got there because you either had faith in yourself or you were un-self conscious enough not to get in your own way.

It isn't enough to think "I want to lose weight." Start a list of all your reasons.  No reason is vain or silly.  Each is important because it's what you want for yourself.  Keep the items on your list specific and narrow in focus so that they're absolutely clear and so that your list is long as possible.  Instead of "To wear a smaller size," make it something like "To wear a size 10 dress."  A separate item would be "To wear a size M sweater."  And so on.  "To have my rings spin around so that they need to be resized."   "To walk without huffing and puffing."  "To walk faster so that I can sleep later and still get to work on time."  Anything and everything belongs on your list.  Get a pretty, little notebook for the purpose.  Add new reasons and goals as they occur to you -- and they will endlessly occur to you.  Then, when you're really underway, you'll find yourself checking off entries as you achieve them -- more reasons to take pride.  (Health is a big area to mine.)

There are lots of resources, including therapists (CBT is probably the way to go)  and books to help you change your thinking and behavior.  One good book, by the way, is by a CBT practitioner.  "The Beck Diet Solution," Judith S. Beck, PhD.  (She has a later book with a similar title that includes a food plan --that's not the one to get.)  The book is best used by starting at page one rather than skipping around.  Doing the exercises and tasks adds to the effectiveness.

What makes the greatest difference is discovering your true desire.  It's easy to say "I want to lose weight" without conviction because society says we should want to lose weight. No one loses weight for others or, if she does, it doesn't stick. Ptooey on societal demands.  I'll go off on a bit of a tangent because it applies anyway.  All those brides-to-be who say they want to lose weight so that they look great at the wedding?  They do it, but regain because they did it for one day out of a lifetime, not for life. 

You can do this.  It helps to know why.

I love your advice!!  You are awesome!

The problem probably isn't your insurance company, it's your policy.

Ask your employer to upgrade the a policy that covers WLS.  If there are other people at your job who also want it you can negotiate to pay the difference in cost. For some plans this is low as insurance companies know that paying for WLS saves them money in the long run.