Ugh, not a good day

Some of the vets might have more insight, but I wonder if it's partly due to figuring out maintenance. In weightloss mode, maybe you were so focused on losing, that the cookie was never an option? Now, it's a whole other ball game? trying to find that balance between losing mode, and everything that comes after.

Or I'm talking nonsense hahaha

I'm thinking it doesn't help that while I'm trying to be vigilant about not eating random stuff I'm also okay with being done with losing. So maybe having that be in the back of my mind isn't great for me...

It's tricky. I think it's important that you're at a weight you are happy with, so I wouldn't want to let that feeling go. I guess now you have to figure out what that means in practical terms.

I'm no where near maintenance, so I don't have any real insight,  but I think you can compare it to early post op days in the sense that you can't expect to be perfect every day, it's all new, how could you be perfect? You've never done this before.

But what you can expect is to get a bit better every day. And make more good choices than bad ones.

I have found that it isn't about not losing; that is REALLY dangerous thinking and can allow all kinds or excuses and bad behaviour to creep back.

It's about staying where you are which is the hardest part!  And it is a real head trip.  One cookie won't be the end of all that is awesome about your WL.  So shrug it off, just like the crap day and move forward.  You have lost 233 pounds!  That is freaking out there it's so amazing.  Give yourself a range of 5 or 10 pounds and work to stay there and don't accept any bull**** excuse for going outside of that box. 

You've got this!

Staying where I am is what I want and the +/- is what I want to be okay with too. My goal this holiday season has been to be +/- 1-2 pounds of 145 in January. 

It's just harder than I thought to figure out how to loosen the reins without being TOO loose. I'm not sure if I know what I'm doing at this point/ I either feel like I'm eating way too much or way too little. It's so confusing. I'm obviously weighing myself and keeping track of that closely but beyond that...I don't even know lol.

It takes time!  As long as you are aware and keeping a very close eye, you will eventually figure out where your personal flex is and where you still have to be vigilant.  For me there is no stopping, no loosening the reins.  There are mistakes or missteps, but nothing has changed from the 6 month post-op range until now. This isn't a diet, it's just how I live now. Having failed at my first WLS, I am very black and white about my upgrade to RNY.  So i know my way isn't the only way or the best way.  I am sure you will find yours - but it takes a few months, years to settle into the maintenance part.  

Thanks for the words - I needed to hear them. I now I need to find my happy medium and it's not going to be easy and it's not going to happen overnight. But it helps when I hear from people who know this and have experienced all this. 

Just having 2 days in a row of not being able to rein myself in was scary to me. And no one really gets that IRL. I vented to DH about work and then said 'and I stress ate x and y and I'm so mad at myself!' His response was It's not that big of deal, look at you! Which just made me mad because he can't get it. And it's not his responsibility. 

So thanks 

The Holidays put so much stuff right in front of us that normally wouldn't be put there.I have eaten a couple of small cookies too and felt like crap.. physically and emotionally.

We are going to get through this one day at time.

Just one cookie- don't beat yourself up about it- that is how I have felt with the lo carb fudge but it is better now that it is no longer within my reach.   BTW- did you know the molasses cookie is on the most hated cookie list? along with those stripe candy cane ones that taste like play doh, the jam thumbprint ones, and many others.

http://www.delish.com/food-news/g3785/holiday-cookies-everyone-secretly-hates/?slide=1

The cookie is gone so let it go. You are human. We don't have super powers. If we did this would be easy.