When I was 18 I started dating a boy, I "fell in love" and we were good together.  Over time, we started hanging out in the local gay scene, and eventually, after 2 years of dating, he left me for a male friend of ours.  I was devastated.  It was a huge hit to my ego, and I was shocked.  No one else was shocked when they found out he was gay, though.  

Anyway, it was different, because he didn't cheat on me.  He told me straight out and we broke up.  I can't really speak to the betrayal part of your situation, because I don't have experience with that, but I can speak to the person leaving for someone of the same sex.

It's so not about you at all.  His behavior and choices are all about him.  You have no failings that have caused him to choose to want a man.  You can never be physically what he needs.  I really had to come to terms with that to get over my heartbreak.  I ended up staying friends with my ex for many years, though we lost touch about 15 years ago and I haven't heard from him.  Last I heard, he was still with the same man that he left me for.  

Good luck, and remember, it's never about you.  

So his choices are on him but effect you and that is unfair, but a lot of things are in life on so many topics.  You don't need to feel bad, there's nothing you could have done.  Some cheaters just cheat and that's it, if that's his case then F him.  

However to lend just one spot of sympathy in his direction: Gay people are often not told as kids that they can be gay, I'm 40 and I know it was not an option for me.  I was told I'd grow up get married and have kids.  I always ran away from that idea in my head and yet, life kept passing by and people kept telling me that.  I'd say no, they'd say you'll get over it.  The TV said I'd do it, the movies said I'd do it, and friends and family were doing it.  I didn't know any lesbians or gay couples, all I knew was straight people. 

I think what I'm getting at, is growing up gay you think somethings weird about you and everyone around you keeps telling you that you will just grow up and do the normal thing.  It feels weird but you try and just convince yourself that they are ALL correct.  He might have tried really hard to marry you, make you happy, and be that normal guy that everyone wanted.  You might have been his beard, or you might have been his chance at a normal life that his friends and family understand and wanted him to be.  

Now that's about the sympathy I have for him.  Everyone is right, cheating is cheating, and it's wrong and hurtful.  He might have hoped he'd do it and hate it then he could go back the the life he was "supposed to be living".  That's all a recipe for therapy right there.  

Anyway I'm sorry about this, give it time.  Maybe there is still a friendship you can build later.  Time does heal almost anything and in time you'll have this put in it's proper place and move along accordingly.  

This is so sad to read.  I am so sorry you are going through this.  I remember when you were trying on your wedding dress!  

It seems so many others here are sharing stories of heartbreak too.  

I have been going through my own heartbreak over a few years.  Different story then yours, but some real devastation and having to come to terms with some things.  There are definitely different stages to it.  

I would say that finding a therapist is a must.  You are such a scientist, but in my experience, the feelings are hard to analyze--they just come at you so fast.  So a therapist, who can help you process things, will really help, IMO.

I love the stories of resilience in the posts on this thread.  I trust that you, too, will be resilient.  You are so tenacious.  You will find your feet again.

"I love the stories of resilience in the posts on this thread."

-I do too!  All of these people are accomplished, successful, generous with their time and help (as evidenced by their posts on these boards) and really believe and want the best for others. They may present some hard truths, but they are here to help and stop the self-delusions of people *****ally need to to be honest with themselves. 

I am encouraged. I look at the avatars and they have maintained their weightloss.  When I get upset I like to eat...part of my food addiction. And I look at them and think "I don't HAVE to eat and drink myself to numbness to get through this. Others have gotten through ok. I will be ok".

I still have gone through more Angry Orchard than what I would have liked. Not buying more. This home is OUT of alcohol for a long long time.

The people here are amazing and I am starting to learn, "I am not alone in this!"  Not in the cheating aspect, and NOT being used by another person to create a particular "image".

Happy Thanksgiving!

(((()))) it's great that you found out and are not wasting another moment on this worthless lying guy. Gosh you deserve so much better... You're beautiful educated self confident... The whole world is open to you n:) of course we're here for support! 

Love ya! 

I am so sorry. Hugs!

You've gotten great advice, the one thing I haven't seen and would strongly suggest is don't even think about another serious relationship for at least 2 yrs. Spend that time getting used to the new you since you will never be the person you once were.  You can't go back to who you were before your weight loss and this unhappy time. You have to learn who the new you is, the strong one who lost all that weight and is going to keep it off during this transition period. The strong survivor who is going to get thru this situation and come out for the better on the other side. You will learn from taking some time to just date casually and how to read people better.

Maybe even do what I did, I made a list of what I must have in a man and what were deal breakers. That way I had the strength to say ya know we just aren't working out so I think we need to see others and end this. By the time I met my hubby I knew exactly what worked for me and what I flat would not deal with. Gladly he fit the bill and we've been together 26 yrs. (I didn't get married until I was 35) and at my age now I don't have the energy to train anybody new so only dying is gonna split us up now!

Once the pain starts healing just try to stay optimistic so when the real right guy comes along you will be ready for an honest to goodness relationship! This too will pass I promise!  

This is awesome advice.  Even when I was skinny the first time, I was always the "pickee" never the "picker".  The list of qualities would at least make me PICKY !

"would strongly suggest is don't even think about another serious relationship for at least 2 yrs."

-Yes. I need STD and STI testing for at least two years per my OBGYN. My sense of honor demands that I DON'T do to others what was done to me.

Thank you!

Get a good lawyer and get the process started as soon as you are ready.  You lost a bunch of weight already and you thought you were in maintenance - well, you were wrong, you've got another 200 pounds (or however much he weighs) to drop.

People lie to themselves as much as they lie to others, he may have lied to himself when he married you.  (Don't know if this fits for you - but either way - this is about him more than about you.

How do you find a good lawyer?  Can I PM you later.  Right now I got some quotas due for work..but later this week I would like to speak with you..