Yes, there are several forums on this site.  They are "Private", so you must sign up to be able to even see them, as there are a lot of vindictive people in this same situation, but once you do you can read and post on the forums.  It is amazing how similar so many people's stories are.  It's like there's a "Rulebook for Cheaters" and all the members of this site compare notes and OMG!!  It's so nice to know that YOU aren't the idiot in this situation.

First Rule:  Get yourself together, get all financial records in hand, file and then get a counselor.  (Sounds like you've done that if you're getting some Xanax.)

Second Rule:  NO CONTACT.  If they can't talk to you they can't confuse you or obfuscate the situation. 

Third Rule:  If you have children with the Cheater, establish a way of communication that doesn't require you to speak to them and can be used as documentation for custody, etc. If no children, then any communications can be done with email and you don't have to deal with hatefulness.  You'll be astounded at how much stress this will take off you.

Hang in there, Kiddo.

Skinny, so sorry about this. But you are right. Nobody can FULLY trust anyone. Even if you trust someone with your life, you can be surprised at what that person could do to you if put in a certain situation. I trust only generally. Never fully. My mother, who I was close with, took my son from me because she didn't want my ex getting him. She could have warned me, or waited until we got a divorce so I was separated from the main problem. Speaking of said ex, he had many problems, but nobody really knew how bad until the end of our relationship. One can hide things very well. And they will to save themselves. It is always themselves they put first. That is why I never trust fully. I have learned the hard way. These two examples are just the first of many I'm afraid.

You will be stronger for this someday. For instance, I have been through so much that people can hardly get by on me. I know what to look for in people, and have great intuition because of what I have been through. It made me who I am, but it still hurt.

Your husband should have been honest with you. Likely he was just embarrassed. Not that it makes it right, though! He was very wrong. There are ways he could have explored that side of him with YOU. What did he say when you confronted him? (If I may ask. If you don't feel comfy sharing, I understand.) 

I am so sorry to hear this.  I've heard about more and more situations like this in recent years - but like Pammieannie said, cheating is cheating.  I'm so sorry you're going through this.  Talk about your life being turned upside down.  I hope you're holding up OK.

Half of all marriages end in divorce and that is only because so many people just live together.  There are good, honest, non-cheating men out there and the same with women. 

I am so sorry that you are going through this pain.  Please take care of yourself during this ordeal.  You will be dealing with legal and with emotional issues.  A support group can be very helpful.  Talking with a therapist is probably a necessity. 

I believe in happy endings and I believe you will be free and then find someone that will deserve you and make your life happier than it ever was with your current husband.

I'm so sorry to hear about this- agree that cheating is cheating and in my world it is just a deal breaker. im sure the next months will stink like the high heavens but you will find someone who will sweep you off your ice skating a$$ and be wonderful to you! please let us know how you are, we are here for you.

:)

ice skating a$$....

It is time to get that a$$ back to the rink!

That sounds like a great plan Skinny!

Hugs. Sorry to hear you are dealing with personal issues. 

It sucks.  Please take care of yourself. 

I'm proud of you.  Hopefully your strength will inspire others to make necessary changes!

I am so sorry this happened to you... stay strong, this is the rough part...it will get better.