I hate myself.

April,don't beat yourself up,I did the same thing I tested the waters with soda too.i had to really sit down and tell myself  why am I sabotaging  my  surgery. No its not easy giving  up things I loved to eat but  it was a wake up call that I have an addiction FOOD.its Hella  worse than alcohol  or drugs ,a person  doesn't  have to drink or take drugs but we do have to eat.i went cold turkey  with the soda that's how I stopped, and you can to.i pray for your strength  but the others are right get help before you have serious  regain

Hi April.  I just wanted to chime in and say hang in there.  I have also felt like my loss has be slow compared to some others (even one of my close friends) but that's the thing, you can't compare yourself to others.  (Easier for me to tell you than to believe it myself) I am currently losing about 1-2 pounds a week.  I am also terrified that I am going to stop losing and start gaining.  I haven't had anything really make me sick.  I have done fine with everything that I have tried to eat.  One thing I do (I hear Grim's voice in my head if I try to skip it) is track in My Fitness Pal.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  I have found it to really make me much more accountable and help me move on from a bad decision and make better choices going forward.  I haven't posted on the menu thread but I do read it and get ideas.  We can do this! Hugs to you!

Thanks so much! I hear not only Grim, but Hala B and Audrey and many others I look up to, hehe. I started MFP again today, so far so good, but we will see if what I've been eating is too much or not right. I know some stuff want right, so MFP helps me be accountable. If I don't want to put it in, I can't have it! :)

Wow that was real. I think you have done amazingly and as someonewho is about to have surgery you are an inspiration. My mind talks to me like yours. Try not to look at it as losing everything your love and comforts you but find healthier things to take their places. I've started painting and even though I'm crap I really enjoy it. Thanks for being real....I don't feel so alone now.

jacquii

Aww Jacquii. It means so much to hear that. It will hold me even more accountable. I was very scared to post how I really felt, but I was at a point where I was scared if I didn't, that I was going to spiral alone into not caring enough about myself to change. And that is how I got into this mess in the first place! We have to care enough about ourselves to do what is right. Even if it means not giving in to ourselves' every want. We have to give ourselves tough love sometimes. And hearing it from others, mostly in a supportive way, some in a tough loving way, helps a lot. :)

Good luck on your journey, I can't wait to hear about it!

April,

First of all, what everybody else has said.  Get help if you need it, follow the rules, and stop beating yourself up.

It took a very long time after I had my surgery 16 years ago to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak.  I had lost thousands of pounds hundreds of times on any and every diet you could name, some of them more than once.  And it was always in a panic -- "OMG, I have to lose 50 pounds by the weekend, and it's already Thursday!!!!"

In our pre-surgery lives we were conditioned to failure, because we "failed" at dieting over and over and over and over and over again.  So I was waiting for everything to stop working and wake up having gained all of it back again for months -- for years -- after my surgery.  I couldn't be a success, went my fabulous reasoning, because how many other times had I blown it -- and blown it not only big, but to smithereens?

Surgery, as has been pointed out, fixes your stomach and not your head.  I bet serious money most of us here had, and have if we allow ourselves to, one seriously twisted relationship with food.  It's not the same, because we literally can't eat what we used to and cram it into a stomach the size of a large egg.  But it's complicated and it will take a while to sort it all out.

You're five months out.  You've lost 50 pounds.  That's fifty pounds more in five months than I bet you ever lost before and didn't go looking for again until you found it.  And several of its friends.

The journey after this surgery is a process.  It takes time and commitment, and it's not always easy and it's certainly not always fun.  That you recognize you are having difficulty is 2/3 of the battle, if you ask me.

But you got this.  You'll be just fine -- give your head time to catch up with your body, hon.

Cheryl, thanks for those wise words. Means a lot. I say "that means a lot" on here so many times, lol. I get so much good advice and encouragement! :)

Hi April I've been kind of having the same issues - and yes drinking with or directly after meals leads to weight gain. 

For me - I drink or ask for water with lemon in any restaurant and sip the whole glass down before the food comes out . It's a little more difficult in a buffet situation .. But it can be managed. 

For what it's worth I started drinking soda and a few months later my ( pretty and long before ) hair broke off . Now I have to cut it short or get extensions  ! It's killing me

I am so sorry you feel this way. I have been there, believe me. Comparing your weight loss to others is so bad and only makes you feel sad. Losing 50 pounds in 5 months is awesome, you should be proud of yourself! 

Do you need to change some habits? Definitely. But you know that already. We all had or have habits that we need to change and things we could/should do better. The fact that you acknowledge it is a good thing!

When I started I thought there would be no way I could eat a meal without a drink. It made no sense to me. I thought I would choke! I was wrong :) It can be done, and after you do it a few times, you forget what it use to be like to drink with your meal. 

Hang in there, keep posting, and never hate yourself! :)