I hate myself.

First and foremost I want to thank you for having the courage to bring up this topic in the forum...You not only speak for yourself but also for myself and many others struggling with the same issues. I myself will be paying close attention to any suggestions on this matter..Please don't be discouraged, everyone loses weight at different rates and from the outside looking in I feel that you are doing really great!! No one is perfect on this journey and it by no means is it an easy journey...All we can do is our best and do our best to get back on track...Good luck

Hi April,

Ditto to what everyone has said!  50 pounds is amazing, get back to the basics and come here as often as you need. 

That little sticker that says "We care about you" means a lot. :) Thanks. 

I haven't read through everyone's replies to you or your replies. So forgive me if it's been covered.

Hugs. Failure is falling down and staying there... posting what you posted just shows you are not giving up... 

Remember your guts were operated on, not your head... so you brought up a lot of "stuff" that needs to be dealt with now. I think if you started that work... therapist/psychologist, maybe some group support, the rest would fall in line. Be open and honest with your Dr... it's hard I know... but flat out say "I need help." Obesity has so many components... and I find eating and moving is usually the ones that are the easiest (we know how to "diet") it's the psycho-social-emotional stuff that's the hardest work & often that is missing piece to the puzzle. Rarely do people need 5 day pouch tests... they usually need therapy ;) IMHO. 

Also... shame, regret, looking back, hate and anger at yourself... are a waste of that new found energy... making an appointment, continuing to post on OH, writing down a game plan with some action steps... much better use of it ;)

Sending you good vibes!! 

Thanks so much Eggface! I am calling tomorrow to schedule a psych appt at my surgeons office. This head stuff is really hard... I mean really.

"I literally think to myself, maybe it will wa**** out before it absorbs and I will lose more weight."

It doesn't work like that.  You absorb most of your nutrients in your intestines.  All your doing by drinking is rinsing out your stomach and pushing the contents through your pylorus into your intestines.  So what you end up with is partially undigested food in your intestines that it's now trying to break down.  Also when your rise out your stomach/pouch you then start again with trying to feel full, you can do this several times and just pack your intestines with undigested food and instead of eating your 4-6oz you can eat 3xs the amount.  

This is not a game to play if you want to loose weight. 

I know the truth, that is just a trick my brain uses to get me what I want. I know how it works, and that's the crazy thing. I STILL lie to myself to get what I want. :/ It's why I need therapy.

I am only two months out but I had a problem with sweet foods pre-surgery.  I have made several batches of protein "ice cream" or protein pudding to have when I absolutely crave something sweet.  As long as I use greek yogurt and unflavored protein powder, and always high protein milk if called for - I am getting protein in my day.  I use Syntrax protein powder (individual packs) that are sweet and kind of like a treat.  These are all slider foods, but if you have to break the sweet addiction they could help short term.

Good luck!  I am scared to death that I will go down that same road, so I post on the menu thread most days just to have accountability.  When I post something that is not the best idea, I usually get feedback (ie, 'ditch the protein bars...")

Let me recommend that you religiously journal every single bite.  I like My Fitness Pal, but you can use ay app you like.  I love my carbonated beverages, but instead of diet soda, I drink Topo Chico mineral water maybe once a week.  

Let me recommend that you religiously journal every single bite.  I like My Fitness Pal, but you can use ay app you like.  I love my carbonated beverages, but instead of diet soda, I drink Topo Chico mineral water maybe once a week.