Would you have approached this person and told them about WLS?
I'm sure she's well aware, moreso than anyone else, that she is mo. That is probably the most offended I've ever been in my life is when someone commented on my weight. No one, but me, walked in my shoes. I had an aunt who made a comment to me ten years ago "you get bigger every time I see you. You need to go on a diet". To this day, I still want to punch her in the throat. I have very negative feelings toward her that has severed what I believe was a much closer relationship. Leave the woman alone. She knows, she carries that body around every day.
I'm MO. I have yet to get a date for my RNY...insurance approval is all I'm waiting on.
Both of my sisters had RNY over ten years ago. One sister moved back home about five months post-op. I was a stay-at-home mom, pregnant with my second child, so I kept my niece while my sister worked. One day, she comes to pick up my niece after work and goes off on me about how I should get WLS as soon after my daughter was born as possible. I was appalled and ate nearly a whole large pizza by myself that night. Her words and suggestions put me into a major depression while pregnant, and that didn't make having a growing baby belly any easier.
I understand that she was looking out for me, trying to save me from misery and pain. She's gained all of her weight back, and I have not once told her about how she should be eating protein forward, maybe not drinking so many calories, might look into a revision etc. Not once.
I put myself into the train lady's shoes, here. If my own sister, who should love me unconditionally, sent me spiraling into a deep dark depression over her words and suggestions, how do you think the lady on the train will feel hearing these well-intentioned thoughts from someone who is a complete stranger? I truly feel like you think you could save her some misery and pain, but how much will you actually inflict?
I don't judge people by their weight, height, wrinkles, sagging skin, etc. It's not your place to say anything. Best advice: mind your own biscuits and life will be gravy! Please Please Please don't come out of the blue telling this MO lady who eats chips on the train how much better her life would be if she had WLS. She'll make those decisions on her own, but thank you for thinking of her. You're showing a lot of compassion, and that is lacking in this world, but I just don't think she will take it lightly, and then you may have to switch trains after all.
You are right.
When my MO mom talked to me about WLS it made me even MORE resistant. For many reasons, I put off WLS for a decade.
When I look in the "rearview mirror" too long, I often think about what my life would have been like if I had had WLS In my 20s, early 30s. I think my regret/coulda-woulda-shoulda really colors my interactions with others...
RNY Surgery: 12/31/2013;
Current weight (2/27/2015) 139lbs, ~14% body fat
Three pounds below Goal!!! Yay !
on 10/20/16 3:34 pm
Okay this is another way of looking at this topic. I know I get on my own nerves talking about being an alcoholic. But this may be a way of looking at this topic.
In AA we are told to relate and not compare our stories when we have speaker meetings. So if you could relate to this person and not compare yourself to her. I mean think about how you were feeling before surgery. A lot of us were really scared. Depressed. Didn't want to live anymore. Feeling like I was a bad mother for teaching my children horrible eating habits. Scary thought. It was one thing to abuse ourselves with food. But to pass it on to my kids. That is one thing I deal with on a daily basis. I don't feel guilty for drinking in front of my kids. I feel more guilt the way I ate than the way I drank. I know that is screwed up. But we have to eat. We don't need to drink.
To compare we are judging the other person. Like think about it this way. I did this and look at me. Like look what I have done with my life. All of the things we can do now is amazing. I mean it feels great. Putting ourselves in the other persons place and remember what life was like.
I am not trying to be mean. When I read your post on the forum I really didn't put much thought in it. Till today. That woman I can only feel compassion for. I feel sad for her.
I think you did the right thing -- everyone has "their" moment -- if you can remember when "helpful" people would offer suggestions to you -- perhaps it came at a moment where you were ready, and perhaps it came at a moment where you were not. In my case when people were tring to be helpful it hurt my feelings and I just ate more. When I experenced my sucess with WLS (I had a RNY in 2001 and this was the 4th time I would have lost 100 pounds) I wanted to shout it from the rooftop, but DEEP inside I knew as a MO individual the time had to be right for everyone.
No. I am a HUGE advocate for talking to people and telling my story. But I ONLY do it after they bring up weight. Like if they say "I'm trying to loose weight" etc. Most people I know now don't know I was so large. They just know me now and when they say they "only" lost a pound and I tell them with huge congrats how great a pound is...how HARD a pound is to loose! They usually look at me with skepticism and say off hand "girl you just don't know!" Then I pull out the pictures and show them. I DO know, and at that point they begin to ask. They lead the convo. They open up. I don't approach people, I don't know where they are in their life. I don't know what part of their path they are on. At one point I was in a very dark place and if someone had tried to speak to me it would have been painful and I would have just felt shame.
