As a currently MO person getting ready for my surgery, I would say a hard "no".  I took the plunge because I was finally ready.  I asked my ex girlfriend about it of my own volition.  She never brought it up.  I would have felt humiliated if she or anyone else initiated a conversation, but ESPECIALLY if it was someone I had never met.  Humiliated and/or furious.  People have to reach this decision and place on their own.  You can't shove someone down the path.

Nope - no way. 

It is your issue (the trigger food etc., not hers).  You can't possibly make it her issue by speaking to her for the first time about something so incredibly personal.  You may feel like you are close to her in some way as a formerly MO person, but she doesn't feel that way about you, I am certain.  I get that you want to offer help, advice and share your story in the hopes of helping her, but it isn't appropriate in this situation IMO.

I am still shocked that random people whom I cross in my daily life think it is OK to comment on my weight loss and ask how much I lost etc.  I am speechless every time this happens.  I can not imagine the humiliation, pain and angst it would have caused me if someone randomly came up to me to offer me advice or comments on my obesity.  I think you know this and that is why you didn't approach her.  

I understand wanting to help - I have felt that way sometimes, but WLS isn't a secret and when someone is ready they will find a way to make it happen if that is what they should do.  

You can't possibly make it her issue by speaking to her for the first time about something so incredibly personal.  You may feel like you are close to her in some way as a formerly MO person

-OH ****! I DO!  I DO feel like we are in some sort of mutual sorority/prison. I found the way out and now, I want to tell her. 

Thank you for pointing out, that my feelings of kinship/sisterhood/war-buddies, probably wouldnt have been recipocated [sic].

Time to start taking a different train. Don't even think about going there.

I concur. 

O.M.G. No. Seriously all the no. I was SMO and if someone had approached me in that kind of situation even if in the nicest of ways and the kindest of terms I would have been hysterical afterwards and it would DEFINITELY have sent me into a severe depression. I'm not exaggerating about that. It would have been the most triggering thing ever.

I can't stress how much I think this is a bad idea. Please just know even if you have the best of intentions that person would need to be in the exact right place to hear this but it also needs to come from the exact right person and I highly doubt that person is you. Even more likely this person on the train needs to come to the realization herself.

No way - this person is not ready to hear that.  She's a grownup and knows how she "should" be eating.  

I would only bring up WLS if someone mentioned their own struggles with weight.

I'll make it unanimous.  Absolutely, positively, unequivocally no.

I had a lot of people try to "talk to me" about my weight as I was slowly but surely eating my way towards 400 pounds.  My parents.  My sister.  My husband.  If looks and words could kill they'dve all been dead, and it damaged my relationships with them for years afterward.

We all have to come to our own realization that surgery is our very best and very last hope for any kind of a normal life.  It's like any kind of addiction -- you got to give it up for yourself, and only for yourself, and you'll know when that is.  Those of us who have had this surgery all got there, eventually.

Some people, unfortunately, never get there, and pay the price for it.  But that doesn't give us the right to talk to them about it.  They have eyes.  They have mirrors.  They can see.  They know.  They most likely hear it from the significant ones in their life every single day.  They don't need strangers on a train or in a grocery line or at a bus stop to tell them their life's **** and they're killing themselves.

As my sainted grandmother used to say, tend to your own knitting, dear.

beautifully said, Cheryl

If looks and words could kill they'dve all been dead, and it damaged my relationships with them for years afterward.

• Me too! 
• Great post!