Less tolerance for ass-holery?

I think it's a combination of things. I find that as I age, I have less tolerance for nitpicky bs and complaints out of proportion to the problem. I was crankier for a while during the delightful phase of having lots of hormones rushing into my system.

I am less cranky now, but I am quite happy to enforce my boundaries. To many people unused to me doing it, it looks like I am being a ***** It is the end of me being a doormat. I used to go out of my way for everyone, and I no longer have the inclination or the time. It's good for people to do stuff for themselves, especially if we've done it for them for years.

I think many of us spend years as apologists and people pleasers. When we shift our efforts to ourselves, the people around us often have a hard time adjusting. It took me a while to strike a balance between bending over backwards and being a ring-tailed *****

My DH once complained because a chicken dish I made with cumin 'smelled weird'. I opened the trash can, emptied the pan into it, put it in the sink, and walked away. I understand.

I agree on the loss of food as a coping mechanism.

For me, I know that in the past I have pushed my irritation/annoyance/anger/sadness down with food (because I am not a fan of confrontation), and added extra food on top to keep it there.  When I have dieted before and not had access to food as a strategy/mechanism, I've tried to find other ways to not explode or have an outburst.  Eventually I just begin expressing myself all over the place, much to the surprise of those around me.

On my pre-surgical diet -- last night I know I experienced sadness/anger/anxiety but did not express it.  I paced around the house for several hours trying to find a way to pu**** down.

I imagine it will be no different once I have had WLS and have been without my blocking mechanism for several months.  Eventually you gotta let it out.  Probably the sooner the better.

This is also the reason that I think WLS drives a lot of divorce.  If a passive spouse becomes a vocal/non-passive spouse, it can upset the marriage dynamic.

In the 16+ years since my surgery, I have fully embraced and now wear proudly my cranky pants.

As others have said, it's any number of things, including all that rampant estrogen running through your system.  It's also, or at least it was for me, rediscovering my personality and picking it up off the floor where everybody was using it as a doormat.

When we're overweight, we put up with crap from people that they wouldn't dare pull on anyone else in their life because nobody (but us) will put up with it.  We're just so damn grateful for any kind of attention it's actually kind of nauseating.  A lot of us become people pleasers on steroids.

So when you start to come back to yourself -- which for me was a process that has taken the better part of my post-op years -- it can get a little weird.  People will call you a ***** when all you're doing is (probably not very politely) saying "oh, I don't think so, sunshine," when before surgery all they had to do was ask and you were all over it like a fat kid on a peanut M&M. 

They'll get over it, or they won't.  You will get over it, or at least learn to temper your reaction over time. 

I'm also (as someone else noted) way too old for this now.  My tolerance for ass-hattery has dwindled to almost nothing.  I'm too old and too damn cranky to play along anymore.

I take comfort from knowing that the filter started coming off all the women in my family as they aged.  I want to be just like them when I grow up.

 

I can't agree with or like this post enough!! 

Well said. 

Yes, as I age, I have way less tolerance drama or the need for it..... I don't know if I have become cranky- or my attitude is "I don't need you to understand, it is my life" .... if they don't like it...oh, well

I experienced this too and if it were to for these two items I may have been on America's Most Wanted    I don't know why, but beating something really helped me  

 

I have zero patience for BS, annoying pickiness, or hubris.  I literally do not have the time for it.  I am done being passive.  I do try to accept people where they are at, but sometimes where they are at is a pain in my ass. ;)

I am struggling with the same thing--stress in light of being unable to eat.  It has been a very difficult two months of changes.  I have had to: deal with my mother 1400 miles away being hospitalized repeatedly, my own medical crap of which there is buckets, moving, job switching, licensure exam, etc.  Each of these on their own was hard.  I have not lost any weight, and only I am to blame, ultimately.  It's a sobering place to be.  However, it's also a good place to be, because rather than ignoring it, I am refusing to settle for defaulting to my former complacency.

Now I find I need more time to, well, live.  I just can't do my 80 hour weeks and eat constantly.  I have to set aside time to breathe and just simply be.  I can't just work and stay single.  Life is more than eating for comfort - it's admitting that I need space, and breathing, and fulfillment.  I need to get my revision and then my knee replacement.  I need to do more than survive - I need to live, and love living.  Being direct and on top of things accomplishes this.

In the end I think it goes back to one of my core issues: I am unaccustomed to taking care of myself because I feel I am not worthy of good things.  Being assertive and ambitious is self-care.  If we are doormats we do not get what we need in life.  Period.

I am not even remotely close to goal.  I imagine I'll get even more insufferable.  I may live near Chicago, but I'm originally a NYC/NJ metropolitan kinda girl.  Thankfully I got rid of the accent, but worry not, because the damn attitude remains.

 

Once a NYer always a NYer... as they say

My son lives in Chicago, although he is moving soon.... They think deep dish is pizza? A tasty Italian casserole...LOL

Take care of yourself one day at a time. You have a lot going on. Support is important.... get here get it where you can...

The deep dish "pizza" here is utterly awful, as is cracker pizza.  The cracker pizza is even worse!  Thank you for being sane.... lol

I will definitely check in for support.  I learned my lesson long ago by not asking!

Yes today my wife and I were looking around for the rats ass we didnt give...hahahaha!