Head vs. Heart

Please keep posting, you can learn so much from the people here, keep in mind not everything you hear you have to take to heart, some things you just might not be ready to hear, not everything will apply to you. Listen, you can either take their advice or put it on the shelf to look at another day, or disregard it totally.

Yes it can be very lively in here, nothing wrong with hanging out in lurker mode till you get a lay of the land. 

Please keep coming back and contributing. You will hear all sorts of replies. Some short and to the point, in some you will find more emotional support. We need all types to keep us informed and growing in our knowledge base! If you step back and try to read objectively there is almost always something to be gained or learned. Try not to take it too personally. You are pre op and obviously trying to get your head in the game. Good for you. 

so you want to post what you want to post, but then get to tell everyone only what they can post? Hmmm something seems wrong about that. 

You are, unfortunately, appear to be in for more  struggles than you ever thought, with this attitude.

Ok! I have unblocked people who have upset me! I'll be a good girl now and read your advice. Now please STOP COMMENTING! I GOT THE POINT! YAAABOB!

In the future, you can click the button under a post and un-check the box that says "notify me when someone replies to my post." It's a feature that comes in handy sometimes. :)

Ok. You stop first.

Late to the race here but if I slow down and think about where this went wrong I just can't find it.  What you said about you in your original post is where you need to be.  You are thinking about how food and events will be in the future and that's VERY important.  I think too many people have WLS and then arrive at Thanksgiving only to feel sad, embarrassed, or just conflicted about food in a social setting where people are expected to eat grandma's apple pie on top of a couple pounds of food.  

I think your also seeing how your friend is "doing it wrong" from your new perspective on food and WLS afterlife.  Now I tend to agree with your perspective especially my first 6 months out.  I was militant 100% and never allowed one thing on my "demon food list" into my mouth.  However in months 6-8 I've let the leash out a bit, I looked back at my demon foods and realized that my very real desire to have ice cream wasn't the worst of my demon foods.  I've never kept ice cream in the house so I can easily control how much and when it happens, unlike when I used to bring home a box of cookies or bag of chips.  So in reevaluating my list of "I can't handle these foods" I let up on ice-cream and have allowed a couple trips to happen.  Call this a break in will power, or just learning to deal with life and making adjustments to my list.  Whatever it is I still feel like I'm in full control and am ok with the choice because things change over time. 

That brings me to the point others were making.  Life after WLS is an odd trip.  It's full of decisions and different paths.  I know this because 8 years ago I had WLS (lap band) and was successful at first.  I however did several things wrong from the start.  I didn't make a plan, I didn't think about how to deal with events, I didn't have a demon foods list, or how to deal with people at work.  I didn't know I needed to.  I'd been on this forum and read about needing to but I hadn't walked the walk. Things are really different when your walking this path every day.  You'll learn a lot about yourself if your willing to listen and you can then adjust your plan if your comfortable.

So I'm speaking to you as someone who had WLS 8 years ago and fell from grace over those years and lost and gained it all back.  I then had VSG 8 months ago but I entered in with so many more plans, a new set of skills, research, and feelings.  I was able to do this though because hindsight is 20/20 and I knew I needed to take advice from those more experience.  Advice from those who've walked the walk might be hard for a newbie to understand, the reason is that before WLS things haven't been experienced.  However the knowledge newbies can gain from those willing to share is the most important tool you'll have.  Anyone who's on here wants to help or be helped, it's important to listen and process any information that you can.  You can decide that it's important and it's likely to happen to you, or that it's not important and isn't an issue for your life situation.  

Now you get my advice: Make a plan, make a list of food you must give up for you to be successful, read posts on here and learn anything you can take from them.  Also understand that WLS can make you judgmental.  You can't be super sweet about food in your own life, you'll see people at the store and you'll judge them.  I do it all the time and I am not ashamed to mentally judge the fat lady rolling a basket of cookies, cakes, chips, and sodas.  In fact I judge her and I reaffirm that I was in her shoes, I did do that to myself, and I was that person.  The important thing is that I WAS that person, I am not now and I continue my shopping an I stick to my plan.  Judging others is an important tool and your seeing it already.  You made the judgement that your friend should roll past those FB post and not think about ice cream.  You didn't say it to her, you just thought it and reaffirmed to yourself that in the future you will choose to do that.  Now take that feeling of judging and think about how that turns into helping people.  

This is similar space where you had a few of the posts that ruffled your feathers.  People that have been on here can quickly judge a post and know if it's going to run down a path which might not result in the best outcome.  How do they know?  Because they've been on here for many years.  I can tell you that I see the same type/category of posts over and over and then you'll see that person over time fall into pitfalls that you warned them of 3 months ago.  If anyone on here points something out just listen and decide if it's important and likely to happen in your life, or if it's not important.  No hurt feelings, no being upset, people are on here to help or be helped and you decide what parts you take with you.  

Thank You Yellow TJ!  I accept your post and advise. You made your point clear and you did it with grace and kindness. I will continue to read posts.  I do need to gain knowledge of how to travel this road I'm on and I can't do it by myself. That's why I chose this forum. It's not the advise that upset me as much as in the way it was delivered. I now realize that there are people who will post and  be brutally bunt in your face. I have never reacted well to those type of people. With me you get a better acceptance with a little kindness than you do with in your face attitudes.

I'm old school! kindness begets kindness! in your face attitude gets you a whole lot of anger and hostility! Your advise was wise and I heard every word you wrote. I realize people aren't on here to make friends, but a little kindness to an unknown stranger sure makes taking there advise easier to swallow. I don't want to be babied, I just would like some considerate kindness.

As I said I will continue to read post and may even post a question or two as they arrive. 

Thank you!