The emotional aspects of weight loss

Hi all -

I'm 3 months post op and doing really well: down 2 dress sizes and 50 lbs lost, getting feedback from people, etc. and feel fine physically. I'm just now experiencing NSVs: easier to move around, better sleep, and getting reacquainted with parts of my body (I have a waist and wrist bones!!!)

But emotionally, there's part of me that is numb to the whole thing and it feels surreal. I'm also pretty freaked out by all the changes happening in my body. I'm 52 and am at the age where everything is starting to head south. Since the surgery, it's happening at a very rapid rate and is the thing I notice the most and I can't imagine what it will look like after another 50 lbs. I know it's shallow - I made this decision for my health - but is there all the same. I'm mourning the body of my youth and wishing I hadn't let myself get to this point. I'm also single and have avoided getting into the dating scene (due to my weight) but would love to get back out there at some point and hopefully meet someone special. I worry though about how my body will look to a potential partner.

Call it a mid-life crisis on steroids???

I'm not asking for answers but wanted to just share what I'm thinking and feeling. 

Thanks for "listening",

Lisa

This is VERY common! I spent months 3 - 6 very freaked out because I didn't recognize myself in the mirror, so I absolutely understand how you feel. It's a big change!!

A lot of people find it helpful to work with a therapist during this big transition, whether for a few sessions or longer term. Your surgeon may even have a list of counselors he/she refers to, since someone with experience in body issues can be very helpful.

I don't think you sound shallow. Sounds like your going through a lot of hormonal, physical, mental, and emotional changes that come from having a life altering surgery. I understand how you feel. Just try to remember , there is someone out there who will love you for you! You'll be gaining health and you'll be a better partner for someone.....but most importantly for yourself.....I'm sure they won't be perfect in every way ( none of us are ) so there's no need to feel inferior because your body doesn't fit societys air brushed view on what you should look like . I really do understand the feelings you are experiencing as... The things I'm telling you, is what I try telling myself on a daily basis. I'll borrow a tag line of someone very wise on this board that says "remember to love yourself first " 

I felt that way at 35.  Now I'm 46, 11 yrs post op and watching the once hard bodies also turn south and I'm finally a little more comfortable in my own skin...only out of comparison.  It's like they are finally catching up with me.  

Find some shaping undergarments to help boost your confidence as you're losing.  Get a size larger than you need so you don't feel like a sausage.  You want to smooth things out, not suppress them, necessarily.  Shoot, I still wear them to work every day, myself.

I had my WLS at 57.  The last time I was this this was in 1992 -25 years ago.  I was surprised (don't know why) that I didn't look like it did before.  Talk about self-delusion.  Anyway - savve your pennies and start checking out the Plast Surg forum.

Wait a while to figure out what you want.

Best of luck on your WL journey.

Plastic surgery.  I have them. Not for a potential partner but for me. After I lost the weighmy partners did not mind my skin - I did.  And "I fixed" myself for me. 

I plan to have a face lift in a couple of months.  My current BF does not think I need it - but he understand why I want it. And he is very supportive.  

Anyone I was with after I lost the weight - they liked ME... The rest is just packaging.  

Btw- some of my skin got better approximately 2 years post op - fat redistribution. 

In a meantime - botox for my face - to prevent deep lines, and exercise to build muscles helped with overall feeling good about myself. 

After 45-50 - no body is perfect. We have our battle scares... Some better than others. 

I'm 51... I totally understand. While I'm not seeing a ton of extra skin just yet (I still have another 50 lbs to go, I've lost 68), my neck is what really bothers me right now. It's all... shriveled! I see my grandmother's neck when I look in the mirror. My arms will be an issue pretty soon, as I can see a lot of extra skin still covered in a thick layer of fat just waiting to hang there looking all ICK.

But I think most of the posts here are right... we are in our 50's now! Even thin women our age have some kind of issue that maybe we just can't see because they have their clothes on...

I'll embrace the idea of plastics, although my hubs just had a tummy tuck, and I can tell you the recovery is slow, but steady. I think I'm most interested in the arms and possibly something to do with my neck... but I'll wait it out until I get to, or past goal, and then give it a year to do whatever it might do... then go from there.

I don't think it's shallow at all. I went through a weird phase where I felt much worse about my body than I did at my highest weight. But as Hala said, flesh redistributes around the 2-year mark for many of us.

I think plastics can be very helpful in helping us feel more comfortable with our bodies. Any quality potential partner will like you for you, not only for a perky bosom.

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments. Is helpful to know others have felt this way...especially those of you who are "women of a certain age". 

Bottom line is I'm feeling great and so happy I had this done. 

Love you all!!

One of the hazards women face when aging is getting their boobs caught in the zipper of their jeans . Men don't have that hazard, yet they have changes in aging as well. I've pretty much adjusted to the fact my body is not going ever going to be pretty again. I used to be able to do things that when done now has resulted in near falls. It's not just appearance that changes, but functions. Aging is not for sissies.

I think I understand where you're coming from. I've had the advantage of my husband see me go through these changes gradually. However, he has never loved me just for my appearance. Society is not that kind. There is too much emphasis on appearance. Unless you're planning on being a cougar, men your age will probably have the same concerns as you.

Yes, massive weight loss makes us face these changes sooner. Mourn for your losses. They are real. Just don't let that grief control you.