reaching my wits end. HELP!

It may be depression...caused by vitamin - mineral deficiencies. 

When my iron and B12 tanked - I felt horrible. I was tired all the time. Out of breath, no energy , no motivation. 

Eating was a chore ...and even drinking a lot of coffee did not give me the energy to move. I often fell asleep sitting in a sofa after drinking my double espresso. 

I got detailed lab work - and my proteins, iron and ferritin, B12, B1 , all numbers were borderline low...theoretically normal - but just by 1 or 2 points. Even my thyroid was low. 

6 months later after I got my iron infusions (taking oral iron did not help) I started feeling like my old self. 

You are over 3 years post op - That's when my iron tanked.  

Get lab work done. Then correct the deficiencies. 

Not taking vitamins and minerals is very dangerous. Some deficiencies can cause permanent damage to nerves and body - and that can affect your ability to think and move - for life... 

I'm so sorry you are having such a struggle. You have gotten very sound advise from everyone that has responded. I work in mental health and talk to people every day regarding the exact symptoms you have voiced. Please take the advise you have been given, go to the doc, get some labs, go ahead and set up an initial Psych visit because it may take you longer to get into to see them. Many times when you are in this state of mind it is very difficult to make a decision and act on it. People tend to run the thoughts or choice over and over in their minds and end up not moving forward with a plan.  If I were speaking to you as a patient I would say " Pick up the phone right now and call , don't put it off or think about it another minute!" It can only help, you can't make a mistake by doing it. If you feel anxious abut going, take someone with you. Please keep us posted with your progress in this matter. You are not alone, many, many people struggle as you do.

please, Please PLEASE see the doc.  You need to get a full nutritional panel.  Fatigue can be from dehydration, low iron, B, you name it.  Depression from low D.  Some things can be fixed, while others reach a certain point of no return.  Do you want this to be your permanent self???  No???  Call the doc now!

You might need something for depression or anxiety, you could be anemic. Don't try to diagnose yourself. See a Dr.

Did you see the doctor yet? Let us know, I'm worried about you. I really hope you start to feel better soon. 

Now that you've reached out to strangers on the Internet, who don't even pretend to be doctors, go see one. Get any physical cause ruled out or diagnosed and treated. You've said enough that our anecdiotal evidence for depression is pretty spot on. There is no shame in having depression, says someone who once thought there was and has come to accept it's as real as diabetes. You may or may not need anti-dressants or some type of psychotropic. Yes, it is hard to move forward, but do it.

Start with the physical as others have said and get everything checked. As Hala mentioned low iron can make you feel terrible. Pre-WLS my iron got so low I needed blood transfusions....I had no idea. I used to come home from work everyday and sit on the couch and cry I was so tired...since you specifically are saying you don't take your vitamins as you should, start there.

Also are you getting your protein in? your fluids, eating enough calories? We don't get to take a vacation from this stuff....

Once you check that out...if things aren't changing then maybe you do need to see someone for depression....

You need to see your primary care physician or your surgeon. They will (or at least should) check your iron levels, vitamins D and B12. They should also do a full thyroid panel, which you may have to ask/insist that they do.  Low iron and low thyroid can both cause crushing fatigue that is not uncommonly blamed on depression. 

Take the extra step of checking your results against normal levels listed in a reputable online source. Labs can put in the wrong reference range (aka "normal" range), which means low results will not get highlighted as being off.  if you're ur doctor is not super vigilant, s/he may not notice this.

This actually happened to me when I complained to my PCP about horrible fatigue. She checked thyroid & iron, and when she looked at the lab report it said all was normal. So she put me on a heavier dose of antidepressant (which made me even more exhausted). Eventually I self-referred to an internist, who did a double take at the labs and exclaimed "you are extremely low in iron - the lab used the wrong reference range!"

Hope you feel better soon!

I hope you have taken everyone's advice and called your doctor. Your PCP should be able to refer you to a Psychologist/Psychiatrist if physical causes are ruled out.

As someone who has suffered with clinical depression all my life, I can tell you that what you describe is something I go through regularly. Personally, my depression usually doesn't feel like sadness. It most often manifests as a sort of numbness, not caring about anything, no motivation, lack of wanting to socialize, just wanting to stay in bed all the time, never wanting to leave the house or do any chores or even shower. 

Unfortunately, I also suffer from an anxiety disorder which becomes multiplied when my depression "acts up", so to speak. Sometimes I become so paralyzed by my anxiety in this state that I can't even make a phone call to my doctor or psychiatrist because its all so overwhelming. 

My point is, you're not alone and you're not broken. 

I truly hope you find the answers to help you through this!

Ask for help and don't let anyone say no