a weight off my shoulders. cats out of the bag

I had previously said on here how my family doesnt know about my surgery. Over time, I have told a few people. My mom, my two sisters (my 3rd found out on instagram) and thats it. My two brothers nor my dad know. 

I was told by a highschool friend that I'm being deceitful and am a liar, and a bad Christian by not posting on facebook that I've had it when people comment on my weight loss. In part, I agree. She didnt know my reasons for keeping it mum, but I had them. Anyway, I work with my father and today had customers in for meetings. I was cleaning up the conference room after they left and he was with me, so I told him. I could see a bit of disappointment in his eyes, as thats how my brother his oldest son died (after his open RNY), but its done and over and his boy is safe.

Now I can tell everyone and anyone. I have wanted to, but not until I told him. It was hard to build up the courage, but finally I decided I just had to no matter the outcome.

 

Anyway, I posted on FB a status for people to read, figure I'll share over here as well.

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This will be a little bit of a read, but I ask and encourage you to do so as it is about my recent weight loss. 

For me weight has been a constant struggle since I was young. Its no ones fault but my own. My desire to snack and graze, my enjoyment for food and to overeat knowing I was doing so. I have a love for food and all aspects of it... to cook, to grow, to eat. I may even enjoy the cleaning after cooking a meal. I have issues with food and eating when I am bored, when I am upset, or when I am happy. It is no doubt my mistress. I found myself time and time again battling my weight gain by trying diets or supplements. Fat burners... Atkins... Paleo... South Beach... Weigh****chers... Nutrisystem... Phentermine... You name it, I probably tried it. In the end, my mistress always got the better of me. 

For those that know me pretty well know the story of my oldest brother CJ. My junior year of high school we finally reconnected after many years apart due to family issues, and was super excited about it. I was supposed to go see him after Thanksgiving in Florida. One morning, I woke up to my AOL Instant Messenger with an unexpected message from him: "I'm having surgery today. I love you." That was the last thing he ever said to me, as a few days after his Open RNY (gastric bypass) weight loss surgery he passed away in the hospital due to cardiac arrest. I never got to see my big brother again. I never got to give him a hug after so many years apart. It was even this life event that caused me to give up on my faith of God for many years.

Years went by and I continued to have my own battles with weight, just like my brother before me. I went to my father and discussed my own interest in weight loss surgery and understandably was told to pursue other methods, so I did. I did Nutrisystem and lost 100 pounds. I gained them back. 

Life went on with my gains and losses. Finally, after having done phentermine for my wedding and getting to my lowest adult weight of 235 pounds, I gained back most of my weight to 315 pounds. My heaviest ever was 345. Discouraged and disgusted seeing myself in the gym, I decided to again look into weight loss surgery. I decided that I would have surgery, and I would pay out of my pocket to do so as it was not covered under my insurance. 

That brings us to today. On May 26, 2016 I drove down south to Margate, Florida and checked in to the hospital. I had Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. I had 90% of my stomach removed. No one knew it but my wife and me. Not a single person in my family. Not a single friend. Consider this... my brother died having a similar surgery, and I had decided to go about it in privacy with no support or discouragement from my family. I was doing it alone. 

Since then it has been an incredible experience. My weight has fallen off, but I've had to keep my mouth shut. I could post pictures... I could post statuses... But I could not share my story with anyone. Not until I talked to particular people about it. Slowly, I let my one sister know. Then my other. Then my mother. It was not until today that I told my father, and now you all. 

The surgery is a tool and nothing more. I still have to make smart choices with my food. I still have to exercise, work out, build muscle mass to stay in shape and healthy. It is not an easy fix. Its not the easy way out. Its an emotional roller coaster for me. I physically cannot find comfort in ways that I could before. It is still possible for me to gain back every single pound I have and will lose if I make poor decisions.

I want to apologize for being deceitful to you all. For not giving you the entire story or truth. I also ask that you consider my reasons. I did not want my own family to find out at the water cooler of my surgery, rather than from me. It would not be right nor fair.

From now on, my story is an open book. My family knows and you all as well. I have had some conversations with people who have figured it out (thanks a lot, Instagram for selling me out under "people you should follow"! lol). I have a blog you can read. I have a Youtube channel you can view. I have an instagram with photos/videos you can check out. 

If you are struggling, talk to me. I am happy to help and talk, but I will not tell you to have weight loss surgery. I will tell you to explore it. Explore every method. Explore other options. For me, based on my abilities, I felt this was my best change to become healthy. Some will not agree with it or me, but that's fine. Those individuals have never had the battle with morbid obesity that I have more than likely.

Thanks for your understanding.

Chris

Blog: http://www.thickto.fit
YouTube: http://youtube.thickto.fit
Instagram: thickto.fit or https://www.instagram.com/thickto.fit/

Good for you.  I was so relieved when I shared my VSG on Facebook.  It's made life easier for me, since everyone knows.  

Congratulations!

I have to say, any friend who would criticize you for keeping your decision personal, especially knowing your story, isn't someone I'd want in my life. Ain't nobody got time for that!

We all struggle with coming to terms with the decision to have surgery. You had to a whole other layer to work through, and wanted to protect your family.  I am sure once you father processes his worry and fears, he'll see how this was your decision, and you are doing well.

I'm glad this weight has been lifted from your shoulders! (pun intended)

 

AGREED!! Not a good friend it seems 

I third the not a good friend thing. 

"and a bad Christian by not posting on facebook" seriously- a bad Christian? Her judgment makes her a good Christian I guess.

 

I so agree. What does posting on Facebook have to do with being a Christian? Given your cir****tance with your brother, one can certainly understand your hesitancy to tell your family.  They would have worried to no end.  Hopefully now that a few months have passed and you're doing well they will adjust to your decision and be happy for your new healthier life.  Your story is great, but it's such a personal decision of who/when to share the story.  I only told a few people, but I work at the health system where I had my surgery and seems like HIPPA doesn't apply to employees around here  Plus, the few friends I told apparently don't understand the statement "I don't want to share my decision with others at this point."  Anyhow, seems like most people in my life now know that I had WLS without me telling them.

It's so wonderful of you to share your story on FB. I will never do that myself. I am not ashamed of having the gastric sleeve, but I don't feel it's anyone's business how I lose the weight. I have told  close friends and my family knows and if someone came to ask me I would tell them and have. I do not agree with the person that told you it isn't christian of you not to let people know the truth. I feel it's not christian of people to ask. Weight is a very personal thing and it's a burden we have all carried.

I love reading your posts and you have inspired me. Congratulations on your weight loss thus far and I will enjoy watching you reach your goal.

 

 

I don't think your father was disappointed in you. I think he is just scared. Fear can lead to so many things. Anger is one of them.

I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. I'm also sorry your friend called you a liar and bad Christian.  Your life is exactly that: your life. If anyone asked you directly if you had WLS and you said , "No.", that is a lie. Choosing when and to whom to disclose such personal information doesn't sound like much of a sin*. Considering the loss of your brother, I imagine it was difficult to tell your family. However, you did and with great care and respect for them.

 

* I'm not a theologian and I'm not sure what all sins exist. I do know, however, that they are between me and God. His opinion of me is the only one besides my own that I care about.

I think it was brave for you to post it on FB. I am open with people who ask me, and at this point even acquaintances are asking--I just don't feel like I can say "diet and exercise" and be completely truthful. 

As as to the "good Christian" piece, I would say it's your personal information and you do not owe it to anyone. However, I understand that withholding feels a bit like lying. It does to me also. 

Im sure getting it all in the open was a huge relief!