Comments making me uncomfortable

I work in an office and I started here in January. I've lost 70 pounds since then - so a lot but not the massive 200 pound total but still. I get that I look different. I don't hide my surgery. But I don't know people here really so the only people I've told are the 2 people who I work with regularly - my boss and my boss's boss.

There's this guy, Troy here. Every time he walks by my office he says hi. Nice, I say hi back. About 6 weeks ago he stopped when he walked by and asked if I was sick. Now, he didn't stop and ask with concern or anything, he said it off-handedly, and said you've lost weight, are you sick?

I weigh 170 - in no world is that too skinny. I didn't even look bad that day, believe me I checked lol! I just replied no. I'm fine.

Yesterday he stopped again and said do you feel good? I said yep. He said so how are you doing it? I said doing what? (Because it was out of the blue and I didn't know what he was talking about) and he said losing the weight. Diet? Exercise? I was like, oh, just you know, all of the above.

UGH. I dislike not saying the truth but also I don't care about lying to this guy. The issue here is he is making me so uncomfortable. I don't know what to do about it. I'm in HR too, and that makes it weirder. If it were a woman it would be less weird to me. He is definitely not hitting on me. But I really want him to back off and I know how to send serious back the F off vibes and I know I am - he is NOT getting it.

Advice?

From my perspective, you only have a couple options. 1) is to just ignore him and and his comments or 2) say something. I think for most of us we have a hard time speaking up when things make us uncomfortable but it's the only way he's going to know that his comments are welcome. He's probably totally clueless. Not everyone is raised with the same social etiquette. 

Ha - I came home that day and looked at my husband and said Don't you EVER ask a woman about her weight. EVER. He was like why would I ever do that??? I told him I just wanted to make sure lol.

See your husband is smart :)

I think I struggled for a short period of time with dealing with the comments. **** im 5 years out, still losing weight and still get comments regularly, from the cashier at the store to clients, co workers, and lots of other people. Even my boss couldn't help himself the other day and he's usually the most PC, uptight, follow all the rules kind of guy. its just human nature. We all have different ideas about weight loss and the meaning of it and what not - some people just make certain assumptions based on life experience....that's why comments will vary from person to person. I had to examine my own notions about my weight loss - for example, when I was closer to 400 lbs and losing and people would make comments, id be very sensitive about it because I was just embarrassed - embarrassed to be that big, embarrassed to be losing weight, embarrassed that people were focusing on me. I was really ashamed and that really came through when people would comment. I couldn't just be happy and accept it for what it is. (weight loss is just one of those things that as a society we tend to be obsessed with and it has nothing to do with me personally) When I worked through the embarrassment and shame around my weight, the comments started to bother me less. I heard it a million times before I finally accepted it - advice given to me was just nod, say thanks and forget it. For myself, I know I used to make jokes about it as a way to deflect any questions I didn't want to answer - like I would say things like "I have little aliens that suck my fat at night" - just stupid stuff that was crazy but make someone else laugh and usually they wouldn't push the issue.

I occasionally run in to people I haven't seen in years, and being 200 lbs down from my HW right now, I get comments like "what the **** happened to you" or just extreme shock from people. I now just embrace and am like "yep that's right, go me".

So my advice in a long winded way is just learn to accept it, or take some of the other suggestions if you really can't stand it - I like the idea of giving him a memo/copy of the rules or if you don't want to single him out, send out a memo to everyone reminding them of work place policies, highlighting the fact that comments on other people's body are unacceptable.

And finally - keep rocking it. Embrace your success and keep your head high despite all the weirdos out there :)

Seventy pounds is a big weight loss and the guy is lying awake and wondering whether you have cancer or HIV.  He is not your only co-worker who wonders.  You have no obligation to tell about your surgery but you cannot stop people from speculating.   I would just smile and "admit" to diet and exercise and eventually he will quit asking.

I just say, "Hard work - lots of hard work." That is usually the end of it unless I chose to divulge more.

I was amazed at how many people asked if I was sick? I answered with a standard - " I changed my lifestyle and eating/exercise habits, I am in the gym 5 days a week and do not eat processed/junk foods. I find that the further out I am the less questions, people assume that I am just following a healthy lifestyle. I feel at 21 months out that is what I am doing at this point.

I would continue with your standard answers.....

You are HR, so there is no other person than you adress the issue.  Next time he asks you - take him aside then give him a lecture about inappropriate questions in a work place. You may even print a memo..

After that you can soften the punch by telling him that even though you understand his concern could come from a good place - questions like that are inapropriate and are sort of too private for a work place.  

Handle it as an HR person... If you had to do that for someone else who was coming to you with the complain. 

I just don't want to go to an extreme of HR response because I don't think it's extreme. I think maybe it's that he's male and it's been more than once?

It seems more normal for a woman to comment on it to me than a man so that's part of it. And asking if I was sick just surprised the crap out of me lol.

I learned that not making a big deal out if that - and be almost impersonal towards him - no emotions- to tell him that questions like that are not ok in a work place. 

If he is asking you - he probably is asking other women /people inappropriate questions. 

Maybe he had no common sense, or he is just an ass. In either case - I would tell them not to do that.  

I learned over the years it is easier for me to addreas issue like that - and then watch if it would repeat..or if the grape vine will tell me he/she is still talking about that behind my back. IF that behavior stops - means he/she really did not know any better...but if it continues - you know he/she is an ass..