This afternoon, I battled the BEAST BURGER and lost :(

So, I was at Publix (grocery store) a month or so ago and saw these in the healthy frozen section. The packaging caught my eye immediately. I looked them over but put them back.

I ended up at Publix again later and decided to buy and stash in freezer at work for a post workout lunch... Today, I decided was the day, to indulge myself and my Beast Burger.

How could I NOT be interested in this? Its lustrous black satin finish box.... A burnt orange emblem emblazed with a stilouette of a fork. A chargrilled patty of delicious (not)meat, glistening with its (not)juices over an open flame. Beyond nutrition! I dont even know what that means, but I felt like I was Neil Armstrong about to set foot in the beyond!

23 grams of protein screaming in my face!!!  

The beast in me agreed and said YES LORD! to the Beast Burger.

I got to the office... excited tore open the box of beastly burgers and proceeded to RTFM in anticipation of how long to slam electromagnetic waves into my food, eagerly anticipating my juicy burger to be in my tummy. 

.....however, it even states "DO NOT MICROWAVE!" ...I knew I was heading down a bad road.

I fired up our toaster oven to 500 degrees to as best match my trusty stainless steel Weber grill at home. I set it on some foil in a pan and headed off to my office to sit and devilishly tap my fingers together as I waited 6:00. I get a call... YOUR BURGER IS SMOKING OUT THE KITCHEN! I TURNED IT OFF!!!

I agreed. I thought this could be nothing but great, as its my (non)juices finding their way out in the scorching heat! 

My phone timer then went off as I hung up, so I jumped up from my seat and ran down to the kitchen! I grabbed my plate and trusty clear plastic fork! I quickly moved my beast burger growling from the oven, poured some spicy/sweet Sriracha Trader Joes sauce to adorn my beast meal, and headed off to my office to manly eat my beast burger.

.... and then the wheels came off the track. 

I am not a foe of vegan or vegetarians. I have, unfortunately, met a nemesis that has been so falsely advertised and catered to me as a meat eater, though. I knew this beast was not that of flesh and blood, just flesh and ... legume. 

I had such high expectations.... so I forewarn any other men looking to tackle the beasts. Avoid this, should you ever see it. I mean, unless you are already down with vegan burgers.

Hahahaha it certainly looks yummy on the package...as I'm sitting here eating soup! Did you manage to get any of it down or was it a one bite show stopper?

As my kids would tell me...Cool story bruh!!

I got down maybe 1/4 lol

I'd have gotten more, but I got full... 

I text cool story bruh to people all the time, unfortunately, my phone when I text it autocorrects it into "cool story brush"

   It does it to me too!!!

Feel free to save that meme, just made it. Already sent it out once via text, too ;)

Thanks! I will definitely use it!

I have never tried a veggie burger of any type/brand. Thank you for the warning...LOL

I know, right? The still have real burgers. There's just no point. The labels on "hwalthy" veggie burgers are just a long list of chemicals.

I figure some day I'll just be forced to go right from real meat to soylent green.

but SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!

People are meat.