"Daddy, why do people cry?"

As we left the house for our weekly "date" to some new restaurant she finds online. My daughter asked me that question. She's 17 and has never cried in her life. She's autistic and struggles with things we do easily. It makes our weekly outings all the better when we end up at a corner table, she's will only then summon the courage to ask me things about life.

"What's it like to kiss a boy?" "I don't know sweetheart." I say. "Do fish have husbands?" "Yes" I say. "Why do people cry Daddy? I try and I can't". I see you cry sometimes Daddy". 

As we left the golf course from our weekly 18 holes, my son asked me who God was. He is 14, and an honor student. Varsity golfer, national honor society etc. He is very confused about things right now and he struggles to talk about it. So, he talks to me when we are golfing. He feels different from others because people pick on his older sister (his best friend) and it's making him question life itself.

"What's it like to shoot someone Daddy?" He asks. "I don't know" I say. But we have several shotguns, you've never shot anyone?" "I want to shoot someone Daddy"."When they call Morgan names, I want to hurt them.""Is that okay?" I say nothing to him. I feel his angst. A tear forms in my eye.

I have been sober for 8 years, today I decided I will begin drinking alcohol again. I was looking a various Brandies in the store. I bought a cigar. I think I'm heading for a ditch. I need help.

A lot of people here hate me because I'm an ass. I'm sorry. Please help me.

I'm sorry you are in a dark place right now, Gary. Does your wife know?

I never try and show her I'm weakened in any way. She needs to focus on things besides me. That thinking is flawed, but the only reason I can think of that makes me clam up the way I do.

Thank you for your concern. I did not drink.

get yourself to the nearest and soonest AA meeting. They will know how to help you help yourself.

Thank you Holly. I got up this morning sobriety intact.

Www.aa.org or www.therecoveryroom.org until you can get to a meeting, don't drink just for this hour, repeat every hour.

I am saying a prayer for you .... There is hope, hang on until the good comes.

Thank you Kathkeb.

Hey Gary, I'm so sorry for you.  You are a dad and the worse thing you can do is drink it will not hurt you, it will hurt your children.  I'm ex is an alcoholic and I also have a son with Asperger's (form of autism).  Life was hard for him in high school.  He use to ask me how to make friends.  It can break your heart.  My son is now 27, owns his own home, works, drives and is doing good.  He still suffers from depression and still has no friends, he really wants a girlfriend.  You have to be whole in order to take care of your child that needs you.  You are her protector, her friend, her teacher, her advisor and her DAD!  Why would you even consider drinking when your kids need you.  I'm sorry you are going through this but I know exactly how you feel.  You tell that precious son of yours that it is wonderful that he loves his sister so much and it will hurt when he hears bad things about her.  But let him know that God makes NO mistakes and that he made his sister perfect.  When he hears the bad things you have to tell him that is what makes us stronger and hurting someone will only hurt his sister and himself.  He has to learn to over look the idiots and to cherish his sister and not waste his time on vicious people.  Kids you to call my son gay and the unibomber just because he was carrying duct tape around.  But the thing was in 2006 the kids at school were all making duct tape wallets, purses, notebooks, etc.  He was just trying to fit it.  I know where your son is coming from, I wanted to hurt people myself, how dare they talk about my son.  It will come back to them.  Maybe you all should try a community church, start slow, just go to service on Sunday morning then go get a nice lunch.  Spend extra time with your son he really needs you. 

I also want to tell you that me and my husband were married for 24 years and divorced about 6 years ago.  He was sober for 18 years and when we split up he started drinking, he said it was to hurt me but all he did was hurt his children.  I have three boys and the youngest, 19 doesn't hardly speak to him and the oldest with autism tries not to be around him.  Please don't start drinking.

Your responsibility is to your family, not the bottle.  Please go to AA.  You may also want to try counseling.  I have been where you are at and I have had to get a lot of help.  It is out there, but you have to seek it.  Best of luck to you and your precious children. 

Thank you for this post.

  I just want to hug you.