So should it be a crime.....

Recently I said to my husband that I hadn't had a good jelly donut in years and not any since moving to San Diego.  It was 11 pm and he said he knew of the best donuts around and we should go try it.  I was game.  I can't eat a whole donut but I enjoy a few bites if it's good.  So we get there on a Thursday night and the lady in front of us is morbidly obese as is her 6 or 7 year old daughter.  The child was so obese in hampered her walking, she literally waddled.  I felt horrible for the poor little girl, and her mom was having her choose a dozen donuts for the family I assume.  It was just very sad.  To me this is abuse, this child is literally being murdered slowly by her weight.  At 6 or 7 she cannot make proper food choices on her own, her parents are providing the food.  So what should be done?  Obviously all I could do is smile at the sweet little girl, who probably weighed close to 200lbs.  I felt dreadful. I mean seriously,what is wrong with parents allowing their children to suffer such anguish.  I was a chunky kid, I know the pain, my grandmother fed me cookies because my parents got divorced and my father abandoned me. When my mother became diabetic when I was 7 everything changed, I was put on a perpetual diet to keep me from getting overweight.  I entered high school at 136lbs, and got engaged and married at 20 and over the course of that year gained up over 200.  I know the suffering of weight, I know my 20 years of being morbidly obese ruined my joints.  I knew when my son was born to never make food into the reward system, never make him eat past full or crave food.  I never made him sweets or cake or anything bad, he had the healthiest diet on earth while I hid my binging and purging and the reason I was morbidly obese.  I am ashamed of the role model I set for my son, he grew up with a mother with eating disorders who was trying anything to keep him away from obesity.  I made my son diet obsessed, thin obsessed, exercise obsessed, he hated fat as much as I hated being fat.  He once called his friend fat and I read him the riot act about bullying and fat shaming and treating people with respect and dignity, treat them like you want to be treated.  Funny none of it really clicked until he got a job as a busboy and he saw how ****ty people can be.  It made him humble and thankful and sincere.  He will never have a weight problem and probably all my trying to keep him from food was irrelevant because his father was naturally thin and my son is probably genetically engineered to be the same.  But I really only wanted him to be healthy and happy which is what I believe all parents want.  So honestly what can be done for this little girl I saw, morbidly obese so very young, arrest the parents? send the family to fat camp?  I know those things aren't possible or right but it just breaks my heart seeing this young life hampered so horrifically from such a young age.  What is the solution?

I think this is very sad. It is horrible to watch. You want to yell at the parents. This is their normal. 

Heidi all you can do now is live by example. I could beat the **** out of myself for becoming a food addict and an alcoholic and it won't change anything. So I just have to be the best now. 

I am in AA and the Serenity Prayer does help. Look it up. It does make sense. We can't change the past. 

I can honestly say I never got any donuts that night, I left after the lady and her daughter left, I couldn't eat, I just wanted to cry and scream and make this mother stop.  I had a friend who grew up in a morbidly obese family, everyone was big, it was her families normal and she was normal, never had any bad body image problems at all.  I was always so envious of her for that, she didn't let her 480lbs stop her.  She had wls several years before me, she did so very well, got down to size 4 clothes.  She wasn't able to remove the skin but she was happy and seemingly healthy.  She divorced her husband and got a new man and a new life that included drinking and smoking.  She moved away about 5 years ago and we had lost touch.  Last fall I got the most devastating news that she had gotten up in the middle of the night and her boyfriend found her dead on the floor.  She was 49.  Her father died at over 500lbs and even he lived into his 50's.  Life is a previous gift, seeing a child's life destroyed by bad choices is just heart wrenching.  If her parents were giving her crack the authorities would take her away, there has to be some line this level of morbid obesity crossed.  I don't have any answers but I wish I did.

It does break my heart for kids who's parents feel the need to feed them with junk. It can be very heartbreaking. I had a friend on the other end of it though where she wasn't allowed to eat any junk and ended up more obese than myself.

My parents eat like piggys sometimes. I can't eat with them. I love them and I except them. They are who they are. 

Seeing a child in a car where someone smoking is just as bad. But it is not our job to tell the mother or father that it's wrong. They might think this is the normal. Sad.

The sad part is you know how mean other kids can be and the hateful comments she will endure, maybe her family can shroud her in love but at school and in the world with people who don't filter their comments it's just bad.  I just wanted to protect her and not let anyone hurt her feelings.  Maybe I am projecting all my childhood pain into this little girl, but when my husband asked after we left why had I changed my mind and got no donuts he agreed he also felt bad for the little girl.  So many little kids getting type 2 diabetes as young children, just because of their weight.  It's terrible.  I shouldn't of brought this up, as it's making me cry again for this poor young girl.

I just responded to a previous post similar to use about judging people.  I too feel so bad to be at the grocery store and see obese children and look to see what the parent has in their cart.  I'm sure if they take their children to the pediatrician, the doctor says something and I agree with you, I think it's child abuse.  And can you imagine the bullying they get at school.  Not sure of an answer.  Then we have shows like Honey  BooBoo.  Disgusting.

Regarding the Honey BooBoo show I'd like to add that it's sad.  The disgusting part is the mom for what she allowed.

How about you mind you own damn business and not ASSume anything about this family, or little girl.  your post pissed me off-- big time. Anything less then looking at this little girl with a genuine smile- and maybe an ecouraging comment to her best feature- does this family/girl no good.

Does this family need direction in how to address thier nutrition-- , probably. But just like every other obese person-- this is a personal journey. Suggesting this is abuse; or worse yet arresting them; to a parent who likely only believes they are loving thier child the best way they know how-- can have far more damaging results for the parent-child relationship.

Fat parents can raise healthy kids with healthy attitudes. Skinny parents can raise unheathy kids- and every combination inbetween. As parents we only do what we THINK best in guiding our children. 

Your struggle with your weight and its impact to your life and health is your and yours alone. Obesity does not have cookie cutter effects. Common- yes, but the same- nope.

i for one am not ashamed of the example I set for my kids- I'm proud of what I've been able to show them even when I was MO.

For your all your world travel adventures- your view is very, very narrow.

This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen here Peachpie. Brilliant.

Thank you!  Heidi, you don't have a clue what you are talking about.  Not all childhood obesity is due to poor eating habits.

I have a granddaughter who is morbidly obese.  Her parents and 4 siblings are all normal size.  They all eat the same food.  My daughter prepares healthy meals and keeps healthy snacks.  The other 4 are fine with that but my granddaughter is a compulsive overeater.  She did not make the choice to be obese any more then she made the choice to want to eat to deal with whatever pain she has to deal with.  And judgmental people like you contribute to her pain.

She sees other kids eating candy and junk with no consequences and yet for her even looking at a cookie is practically forbidden.  All she hears all day is "No, you can't have this, no, you can't have that".  The other siblings are treated the same and guess what?  They resent her because of her they can't eat what they want even though they aren't the ones with problems.

For your information my daughter has taken her to many doctors and specialists.  There is nothing wrong with her physically.  Her problems have to do with addiction.  Ever try to find an addiction specialist who will help a 7 year old?

I looked all over the country and could not find one pediatric obesity specialist.  There are endocrinologists galore but there is nothing wrong with her so they can't help.  When I attempted to help her find a counselor who could address her issues all I was pointed to was nutrition classes.  Everyone in the family knows how they should eat.  What they don't know is how to make her want to eat that way.  Sound familiar?

My daughter's heart breaks for her daughter.  She has done everything in her power to help her.  And the worse part is the more she tries to limit her eating or choices the more she wants to eat those forbidden things.  Sound familiar?  My daughter would give her life for her child.  She is not guilty of child abuse.  Her child suffers from a problem for which there is little, if any, help available.

What is your solution?  Remove her from her home?  I guarantee you that no matter when she lived she would find a way to get her found even if she had to steal it.  And if she was forced to diet I can promise you that the end result would be more wanting of the forbidden food and when she is able to make choices that she wants the weight would come flying back, with friends.  Sound familiar?

Face it.  You would still be morbidly obese if you didn't have WLS.  You didn't beat your food problems alone.  And you are a goddam adult for god's sake!  You expect a little child to be able to live on a restricted diet when you couldn't even manage to do it without surgical intervention.

Before you go around making judgments on other people's parenting skills you should take a look at your own life.  When you can proclaim yourself a perfect parent then you can judge other parents.  In the meantime keep your prejudice judgments to your self and practice some compassion.