A bit off topic: Relationships, romantic

wow, you are a piece of work.

I debated the wisdom of responding to you, but what the hell. Here goes.

First, whenever ANYONE posts, people respond. Some topics, such as this one that came across as a former fat person forgetting where she came from, touch lots of nerves, so lots of people respond. We aren't 'coming out of the woodwork' because we aren't termites or ****roaches. 

Second, not a man jack of us twisted anything or made her out to be vile. We did caution her she may miss out on someone awesome and warn her that she might be perpetrating the 'fat is lazy' trope. Did any of us name call or do anything else cruel? No.

Third, we do have a private group that is an outgrowth of an old board here. You really think we sit around all day bagging on people? You might consider we all have jobs and lives and **** You might also consider many of us have known each other here for awhile. Some of us are friends, but we're not exactly the Hell's Angels of OH.

Last, if you have a problem with someone, call them out directly. Ex:'HeyKate, you were a right ***** in that post. ' Not this blanket warning crap.

In reality not wanting to date someone just because they are obese. It could be maybe they are a person who is a major jerk. I have been in love with people male and female. Not because of the way they look. But who they are. 

I could so strut my ass down the street and get all kinds of attention. Then I look and would I really want them to like me since I have huge boobs and a big butt. Not really.

People are here to help you. They want to see you do well. No one comes here just to shame you with their response. There are a lot of people who's lives are very busy and they really don't have that much time on their hands. 

I mean read what you wrote out loud and think how it sounds. 

The internet is a huge place you can't hear  the tone in someones voice. 

I have put out my whole story about myself. I am 49 well almost. I have been married for 26 years. He has stuck by me through good times and bad. Obese or just overweight. Sober or drunk. 

You may miss meeting your true love.

Be careful what you wish for.

If you're more interested in the wrapping than what's inside the package, you're shallow.  But this is a great big world and you can date whomever you like.  

If I were you, I would keep in mind that WLS is no guarantee that you won't gain weight for the rest of your life.  I've read your prior comments about eating cupcakes and egg muffin sandwiches at three months out.  I would be concerned for you, but frankly, I don't care.

I guess I am a shallow ***** too.  I love attractive men.  I love to look at them, and for a time in my younger days, to **** them.  But I would hesitate to get involved emotionally to someone who only brought looks to the table.

You can't deny attraction, chemistry.  But you also can't control it.  The love of my life was not someone anyone would consider attractive.  At that time I was cute, young and people wondered what I saw in him.  What I saw was his soul, his heart.  That is who I fell in love with.  The pretty boys?  I saw their bodies.  And there is nothing wrong with that.

The problem is when I got lust confused with love.  That never ended well.  The good looking guys knew they were attractive and some of them didn't do much to develop other aspects of their personality.  Some of them weren't very deep. 

Now, there I go labeling all good looking people.  It is not true.  Some of the best looking people I know have no clue how attractive they are.

What I find attractive is intelligence and a sense of humor.  That is why I have a secret crush on Grim.  Well, not so secret any more.

My boyfriend of many years is not what most would consider attractive, at least physically.  But inside he is the most beautiful person around.  And it has been a long time since I even saw his physical self.  

It's like a new mommy who takes a look at their baby for the first time and all they see is the most beautiful baby in the world.  No one has the heart to tell them that their baby looks like Buddy Hackett.  Because we see with our hearts.  We might first notice with our eyes but love sees with our hearts.

I understand wanting a good looking guy.  I really do.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  But I have a feeling that when push comes to shove the person you fall in love with probably won't come with Brad Pitts looks.  To anyone but you, anyway.

When my son was born and my parents first got to see him (maybe 6 hours after he was born?), my dad told me-- "Your son looks like Winston Churchhill. And he's beautiful." And it's true :)

Ha that's so funny. When my twins were born my father came to the hospital and looked at them. Of course I was the proud first time mom. He looked at them and said, "ugly in the cradle, pretty at the table. There is still hope for them."?

I totally get it - I have been discriminated because of my size.  I have been in situations and had men tell me oh you are so pretty but I have issues with excess weight (by the way I was 5'3" and was 140 lbs at the time).  So this only got worst with time/years.  So I am in a relationship with someone now but not my ideal partner for life, he is not the best model when it comes to healthy lifestyles.  So I have decided to work really hard to change my life, lose weight.  Is he supportive of me doing this - my answer is NO.  I get the impression that he does not care.  So I am going to look after myself.  So when I achieve my goals - I will find someone that will care and appreciate me  So I will salute mr. wonderful bye bye.  We all deserve caring people in our lives.

I'm holding off on dating until I reach my goal weight, unless opportunities knock as it were.   The reason?

Because I need to work on myself. 

Here's a counseling secret: we attract the sort of people we are, ultimately.  Whether you are obese or not, you will attract like people.  True, we are attracted to also gorgeous people (well hi Tom Hiddleton), in the end, in real life, we will attract what we are in the end.  Just do your thing, and the rest will come.  If you want to purse love, do it when you are ready.

As for healthy, I mean, I weigh 290 pounds, have a cholesterol of 96, and have a fasting blood glucose of 75.  I'm healthy despite my weight, actually.  I also just turned 39.  As for how to tell people... I'm (unfortunately for my friends) very extroverted.  I simply tell them if they ask.  If they don't, I don't.  The truth is, I am not my surgery, I am my achievements, my clinical degree, my publication.  I am my kindness and compassion.  I am myself, in the end.  

I will always be an obese woman, even if I weigh 150 pounds some day.  I have severe binge eating disorder, and major depressive disorder, both in remission.

I simply am who I am.  I do my best to accept my faults and fix them.  I do my best to recognize them.  As a counselor, I admit them, embrace them, and share them (when appropriate) to show my clients we are not so different.

I am happy with my life.  If I find a partner again they may accentuate my life's meaning and work, but they won't make or break it.  I love the live I've made.  Find meaning in your own life, have faith in yourself, and the rest will follow.  That will guarantee success.  Losing weight is just a tool for self-development. :)

I think what you were trying to say is that you want to be with someone who lives a healthy lifestyle. I get it. Someone wise here once said, "A crack addict should not date another crack addict". I still remember that. It makes me laugh, but is so true!! I know if I were to date someone who eats crap and does not take care of himself, I could easily slip back into bad habits.

I think you should strive to find someone healthy in mind, body, and spirit. Someone who treats you kindly and who is a good person. Who we are attracted to is highly subjective. I know I am much more attracted to someone who makes me laugh. To me personality is a big part of the package.

Take this time to learn healthy habits and work on YOU. When you are ready, get back out there again. A good man will not care that you had weight loss surgery.