A bit off topic: Relationships, romantic

I've recently come to the conclusion that I will have to hold off on dating until I reach my goal weight. Why?

Because I want a man who takes care of his body. I don't want an obese man since I am working to not be obese. Therefore, I'd be a hypocrite if I'm obese looking for a slim man, who probably wouldn't want an obese woman in the first place.

I've been single for literally 12 years. As in, not in a serious relationship. I've had sex plenty of times (you can always find sex if you know where to look) but it's hard to find a guy who wants to date the fat, introverted, girl. Yes, I know that fat people get married and fall in love all the time; it's just not been my experience.

I just turned 39. I'd love to start dating again but I'm nervous to because how do you bring up to a potential partner that you've had surgery? How do you know you're not going to be judged?

I'm just rambling and ranting. Thanks for reading.

To be honest, I don't know how to answer most of the questions you have posed here. I am recently separated from my husband and we have been together for almost 12 years (and I'm only 31). I don't even really know how to go about "dating" and it's a scary time. One thing I AM smart enough to recognize is that there is a LOT of work I have to do on myself that isn't physical before I am ready to put myself out there for someone else to love.

I'm not saying you need to do the same. I haven't been on these boards in awhile and so I don't know a lot of the newer people here. But, I do know that getting thinner/more attractive didn't save my relationship and the baggage I carry with me from having been 450 lbs and going through a difficult last few years of marriage have made me not the highest relationship material. 

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are very focused on the physical when it comes to finding your match, but don't lose sight of the other stuff too.... because this physical journey takes quite an emotional toll on most of us as well. A lot of people get into a relationship with a good looking and fit partner after losing weight but then (unfairly, in my opinion) get resentful of them because "You never would have loved me when I was heavy!" It's a lot to work through, so make sure you work through it properly.

Oh I'm in therapy and working on the emotional too :) Ultimately I'd like someone who's loving and has a great personality, the whole package.

I'm 3 1/2 months out from surgery (feels like so much longer) and it's been surreal losing all this weight (67 lbs. so far). I know it's going to take a lot for me to finally have a positive body image again, so I'm aiming towards that.

why would you have to tell them you have had surgery,if they never knew you fat?

First, I wouldn't say that slim men don't want an obese woman in the first place.  My BF was a marathon runner, in fantastic shape, when we met.  True, I wasn't morbidly obese just yet, but I was definitely overweight.  Second, I wouldn't put so much in to physical appearance if you want a loving, caring, long term relationship.  We're all gonna get old, get wrinkles, saggy, whatever...what happens then?  

Wow.

Wow what?

I second your Wow.

I apologize to start off with because this will probably sound harsh to you. Not for nothing you were single for 12 years, not because you were obese but because you are shallow & you're looking for someone else who is also shallow. You can run into a really nice guy with a great personality & treat you like a queen, but shut him out because of his looks, is this the way you want to be treated?

If you're not in therapy, start looking into it, you need to start loving yourself b4 you can start loving anyone else, much less date.

I am NOT shallow. I am a good person. I was just venting my feelings, and I thought this was a safeplace to do that. You all can hate me if you want but if you want me to go away, just say so.

I don't know how to delete this post but if someone could help me do that, if you will lower yourself to help a shallow ***** like me, please let me know.