Post op/ I have become very judgemental/critical of others eating habits.

I am at 20 months post VSG. I have become very critical of what my loved ones will choose to eat. When I go to a restaurant I am amazed at the portions people are eating. My reaction is surprising me. it really bothers me to see people over eat. Does it bother me because I am no longer doing it and subconsciously want too? anyone else become critical following WLS?

I don't think I judged anyone, but I was more amazed at how much people could eat.  And knowing that it used to be me.

I believe it's because we go through a reset process after WLS and our outlook on food quantity changes.  It's quite easy to become sanctimonious and self-righteous in our thinking, and we should avoid going down that road.  We have no control over other people.  

When I see obese people eating in restaurants, I feel more compassion than contempt because I've been there.  I know that there are plenty of people out there judging them and looking down on them, but I'd like to think that at least someone understands their pain.

I have a lot of anger, at myself. I realize now how much I missed out on. But, I can be thankful I have taken advantage of this second chance and never look back.

I need to get better with my oldest son, he is 20 and is a spitting image of me when I was his age. He was a star athlete in HS and was a big man on campus and now that is gone. He has gained more than the freshman 15 and it bothers him. I try to help him, but find it seems to really bother me as I do NOT want him to go through what I went through. I try to live by example and not get on his case....what to do?

He's a 20 year old man.  His life, his body, his choice.  

I know we would all like to save the world from obesity, but think about how reactive you would have been prior to surgery if someone was preaching to you.  We have to get there when we're ready to get there.  

Are you in a support group or therapy?  If you're dealing with a lot of anger, that might be one way to channel it in a more productive way.

I think the hardest part of parenting is allowing your kids to make the mistakes we have made. Is for me.....you are right , is his life. But, as his Dad I would love for him to head in a different direction than I did.

A parent of any person should realize what a kid is going through and be able to give advice, warning and encouragement. No matter the age. Sometimes it's our job to help stop them from making the mistakes we did. I have a 20 year old son who still has a lot to learn from me.

My mother is 78 and still gives unsolicited advice. Sometimes I listen, sometimes I don't. It shows me she cares. I say talk openly about your concerns with your son.

Guilty. I am guilty. I don't usually judge people that are obese. More so some of the thin people that can house a huge burger and fries and dessert. I know it is not right. Im working on that.

When it comes to your son. I would just lead by example. I look at both of my kids and I worry that they are like me. 

I felt a lot of guilt when it came to my kids with weight and the way they look at food. i get angry  at myself for getting to the point of WLS.

I am also an alcoholic so that scares me also. When it comes to my kids. One thing I do know is the media really does play a role in the way we look at food. 

Making changes and not judging people is easier now. I try to just focus on myself and my recovery. I know that sounds selfish. I do show them now that I have changed. I do have a personality that pops up once in a while and shows parts of me that I would like to get rid of. I have to except it and change it. 

One day at a time. I look at WLS as one meal at a time. 

Good luck. 

GeekMonster I feel the same way.  I assume they have an addiction and I don't make fun of addictions.  It's the same with smoking.......or not.  I quit 5+ years ago and can't stand the smell of it and don't want to be around it.  But if someone wants to smoke, that's their business just so it's not in my car or in my house.  And yes, I used to smell like an ashtray and I'm appalled.

Noticing how much people eat seems fairly common. Some people will judge, some will have empathy, some people will reflect and think "did I really eat that much food before?"

I think it's normal... but it's important to keep in mind that we were there once too and we could easily go back there again - especially the further out we are from our surgery date. So, observations are ok... judgment and taking a "I'm better than you stance" would never be good. I have seen this before.

I say that in a general sense, not implying that's what you were saying.

I know that I am guilty of attending functions and watching people eat and using it as a reminder to myself of what I never want to do/be again. It's another reason I still attend support groups when I can. Not only do I help answer questions for the pre-op patients... but I get a remind of their struggles - being a few years out from surgery, it is easy for me to forget how hard it was to put on my seatbelt, tie my shoes, stand for more than a few minutes, etc.

I visualize the size of their stomach compared to the size of my stomach.

One example I use in my mind is filling a two-liter bottle of soda for their stomach and the cap on that bottle for my stomach.  I then wonder how they can manage to be full on the plate of food that they are eating.

I am thankful that I have a tiny stomach and feel compassion for those that have to fill up their big original stomachs.