I love the crabs in a bucket analogy !

I told my Best Friend that I was getting WLS for my health and at first she was supportive, saying she was going to do the liquid diet with me and she would bring her lunch so we could still have lunch together (we work together) and how excited she was for me. Once my surgery was sheduled and I put in my time off request she started acting a bit distant. She started making comments like "what am I gonna do when you're skinny and I'm still fat?" and "I guess I need to lose weight now too because you're gonna be all cute and skinny". Then when the liquid diet started a week ago she suddenly couldn't do lunch because she had "errands" to run everyday and would come back with Subway or tacos, etc. I told her she didn't need to do the liquid diet and I was fine with going out to lunch with her and I would just bring my broth. She said that it made her uncomfortable and now she is avoiding me as much as possible. So I'm not sure where this is going to lead us. I need to do this for myself and my health. I'm dying in this broken body I created for myself so, as sad as it may be, I'm willing to lose my Best Friend if it comes to that.

I am sorry you have to deal with all of that. I am also willing to lose friends. However, considering they are my support group for our Autistic children, it is more than friends. It is losing the people that understand what you are dealing with. I am not going to change my mind. I need to do this. My kids need me around much longer than I will be if I don't change something. I need to have more energy. I feel like my life is slowly falling apart, partly because of the weight. I am just looking for ideas and I have received a few on this post. Thank you for your insight.

I don't think you'll lose your support group for autistic children because you are all there for each other for the sake of the children. You all put the children first & hopefully they'll keep that in mind & put their own fears/hangups behind them, at least I hope so. Good Luck either way. 

Let me start by saying I'm an autism mum.  My son is almost 13 and non verbal.

Lots of autism mums live our lives on strict rules and routines and I'm sure the thought of this massive change you are making may well instill some anxiety because they foresee that YOU will change.

Bring your weightloss (boring) self  here for support.  We all becoming really boring for a year or two - food, exercise, protein, calories etc become overriding conversation.  (SOUND FAMILIAR?)   Don't "burden" your friends with it - you have an interested vested audience right here.

Be your normal autism mum self with them and they'll barely notice you dropping 100lbs.

HI  Friend!  

I noticed your "name"?  Do you like scrapbooking?  Me too!  I LOVE TO CROP TOO! Unfortunately, I am not every creative and just kind of copy the layouts that creative memories puts out.

On your question....

You aren't going to end up like "a twig" unless you have/develop an eating disorder along the way. The psych evaluations are SUPPOSED to detect tendencies toward that.

Here is why you probably WONT end up like a twig.

1) On AVERAGE, MOST patients only lose 80% of their excess weight. Yep, that is right. MOST patients are still 20% away from their "healthy weight range" per medical tables.  For me, that left me still in THE OBESE RANGE!    I thought, " I did not get my stomach hacked up and get my innards surgically re-routed to still be OBESE" so I ate low/no carb and when I did eat carbs they were low GI. I exercised 2 hours a day, running, lifting weights, tae bo, body pump and ice skating.  At the end of the year, I had lost 143 lbs. I really had to work for those last 20 lbs. My body seemed to want to hang out at 160-180 lbs. But like I said, my mindset was "like hell". When I hit the operating table I was 275 lbs. My highest weight was approaching 300 lbs.

2) You wont look like a twig if you lift weights, eat protein forward, and take your vitamins as you will be living a HEALTHY livestyle. You wont be frail, PROMISE. I am going to try to attach some pics below. They have been taken over the last year (i.e. November 2015 to last week). My weight ranges in them from 139-144.6 lbs. The one of me in the black dress was from 1.5 years ago at 142 lbs (for reference).  I have included pics with other half marathon and full marathon runners so you get an idea of the variation in body mass/size of people who can run and complete half marathons that ARE FASTER THAN ME. Interestingly, some of the "bigger looking people" are faster that me. But I in no way look frail/twigy next to them and they dont look "heavy set either".

So good luck to you and wish me luck on uploading these pics!  I am the chick that looks like Velma from Scooby Do in most of the pics.  Some of us occasionally make unfortunately eyeglass and hair style decisions.... [i.e. I am the orange and blue shirt]. And the white shirt in teh middle for the 3 runners...

Love to scrapbook, but it has been awhile since I have put any time into it.

I am preparing to change that as well.

Hi. I am adding this before shot, just to show you that you can start out pretty heavy and be normal looking after. I am about 300 lbs in this pic. This pic made me put off my wedding (for 2 years!) cuz I just couldnt stand having wedding pics that looked like this.

I wish your friends would support your decision to become more healthy.

My quality of life and the stuff that I can DO is so much better/more than I can describe. I am infinitely happier and more successful in other areas of my life. Success/happiness in one area often begets success/happiness in another.

Please don't let your friends dissuade you. They are probably afraid of change. But this will be change for the better, I PROMISE.

Hi having a good support group for a special needs child is really important, I understand that, I have a special needs son also who has multiple special needs. And it sounds like you have a tightknit group enough that you had felt comfortable and proud to share with them that you have made the decision to have weight loss surgery. I am sorry they gave you such negative feedback. It would be so nice to be able to turn back the hands of time and not tell them, but that isn't possible and you may hear more negative feedback before you have the surgery.

You might need to do what I had to do (and this was with my husband as he was not a supporter of weight loss surgery). Keep focused on what you are doing is for your own health, for the well being of you and your family. Talk to your closest friends or supporters here. Don't let anyone change your mind. If you could have lost all the excess weight you needed to, you would have already done so. Insurance companies don't pay for "voluntary" surgeries, they pay for medical necessary surgeries (means that this is something that will make your quality of life improve). If anyone from your autism support group gives you trouble, makes you feel bad about your decision, etc. - it might help with you telling them "I need your support for this" and give the reasons mentioned above. But sometimes just telling someone "I need..." puts a different perspective on a issue. Possibly some of the group may want to be your champion and support your need, if you don't get that or worse you get resistance, you may have to say, "I am sorry I brought this up, I don't want to discuss it" and leave it at that. Don't alienate anyone, no need to make anyone feel bad. You are all in this autistic group for support of each other about your kids. I do agree with others, once your group sees you losing, some of the other members may decide that this is a choice they may need to make as well.

Hugs, and lots of love and support to you

"Don't let anyone change your mind. If you could have lost all the excess weight you needed to, you would have already done so."

-You are speaking THE TRUTH sister! If it were "do-able" without medical intervention, it would have been done.  The majority of the American/Western world public is educated, can read, and follow directions. If diets REALLY worked, we would all be normal/thin...