True friends are very hard to find.  Co-overeaters ... sure are legion. Stop going to buffets - see how fast they find other excess food addicts to overeat with.

 Jealous so called same-sex  friends who give you bad advice and glory in your failures ... way too many. 

I am learning how to be a better friend to myself.. and be far more choosy regarding romantic entanglements and even female confidantes .

Sounds like you've experienced some of this. I know I have many acquaintance and  very few close friends. If I've let you into my life you must be a good person then and there are a few out there. Just go out with a "buffet buddy" after surgery. Order a grilled chicken salad with the balsamic vinaigrette on the side. Take 3/4 of it home with you and then have the audacity to not only ask for a booth but also fit in it with the ability to breath. They'll probably not call you again for a while. Funny but very sad.

Congrats by the way on your incredible results. This definitely worked for you and hopefully opened up a new and happier life. Rich  

All of the other posters have written very good things.

i only told a few people before hand and those are the ones that either needed to know (immediate family) or I trusted enough to tell and they wouldn't judge me.

If you want the surgery, do it. I had been heavy all my life and was constantly dieting with no results.

My heath was an issue and I was at risk for dying early. I wanted more from life...

I have had a few negative comments about how I 'don't' need to be a size 6 when I'm currently in a 10. WHAAT? Don't get too thin, comments like that. I've ignored them, I am not to my goal and I will likely get below goal for some wiggle room.

I also would not make these ladies your sounding board about what you ate today, how much weight you have lost, etc. they may start to resent you. Get a support person either in your family or a close friend and make sure they understand what being a support person is.

Hi, I am pretty new around here and I haven't had surgery yet. I am planning on having the gastric sleeve and meet with a dr next week. Anyway, I have friends, mom friends, and we all have things in common, mainly we are a group of parents with autistic kids. Most of us are overweight, and I am one of the largest at 287 lbs and 5'3".

Well, I mentioned I was considering weight loss surgery and they lost it.

How could I do that to myself.

I'll never be able to eat good foods again.

Weight recommendations would have us looking like twigs.

What about pork chops and bacon?

I felt so horrible afterwards. Does anyone have experience losing friends because of surgery because you are suddenly not like the others? This makes me a bit apprehensive, especially since this is my support network for autism parents, and has been for years. Ultimately, I still want to have the gastric sleeve, but I need to be emotionally prepared for this, and I simply wasn't today.

Thanks.

wonder why they think looking like a twig is worse than looking like a fat cow? 

I love my friends and would never call them a fat cow.  That is pushing it.

I didn't say you should call them a fat cow.  They didn't seem to. Have any problem telling you you would be a "twig", which,apparently, to them is a terrible thing to be. 

I was just wondering why they thought it was ok/ better to be morbidly obese.

Hi!

I have never met HollyKim in person, but what I found is that she "doesn't pull punches".  Sometimes, I think my thoughts/assessments on something are "spot on"/justified. She weighs in with her perspective (same with SparkleKitty/Julie) and I have to say "Wait!  Pause!" and re-assess things because I hadn't thought of it in that way.

I like her perspective.  Haven't you noticed, there is "fat-shaming"? Maybe you have been a victim?  I know I WAS back in the past. But then, I discovered there was THIN shaming too!!! Seriously!  AS you can see from my pics, I am not twiggy/scarily thin, but people I dont know try to give me cookies and chips along with my subway sandwich ALL THE TIME [i discount cute little kids on marathon race routes that offer cookies, they want the runners to make it to the finish and they also tell you "you can do it!" with utter sincerity when you eat their cookies].  They dont even CHARGE ME FOR THEM [i.e. the subway people].  I have yet to have someone offer to buy me a burger...but...I am sure it is coming...  

Haters are going to hate and whine no matter WHAT you do. They are going to hate, regardless, because that is what THEY DO.

The issue is: you will be damned if you do and damned if you dont. And dont be surprised if in 2 years these naysayers dont say something like "I wish you had the surgery" 3 or 4 years from now if you DONT have it and get sicker.

Someday, I will tell you about my "goal post mover" Mom who wanted me to have teh surgery and whined about it for 10 years. Now I am at my healthy weight range, she worries that I am too skinny, and feels bad that I have to take VITAMINS!  Like really? She has weird issues about VITAMINS?

So, in summary, you will be damned if you do and damned if you dont. You cant make all the people happy all the time. So just make yourself happy AND HEALTHY ALL of the time and proceed from there. 

Be there AS LONG AS YOU CAN for the child that NEEDS you!  

One of the best things I did for myself. No regrets. 

Ugh, blah blah blah, what a bunch of crabs in a bucket.  You are the brave crab, working to escape the bucket and they are trying to pull you back in.  People these days have a very distorted view of what "normal" looks like.  Do not believe a single thing they say.  You will be able to eat whatever you want, but in smaller portions.  As there is now, there will definitely be "sometimes" foods and you might find your tolerances and tastes for certain things have changed.  

I had my RNY in October of 2013 and I've lost 163 lbs.  I eat pretty much whatever I want.  There are things I avoid because they don't make me feel so great, but if I want a pancake, I have a little bit and that's that.  

They are threatened because you are taking control of something they feel they do not have any control over.  As you go on, you will find people will be super eager to tell you about their friend that had the surgery and either died on the table, got some horrible disease or gained all the weight back.  Do not listen to them.  Get in front of the mirror and start practicing your "I give a ****" face because you are going to be using it A LOT.

You are doing this for you and your family--not them.  Keep that in mind and keep reaching for the lip of that bucket!

Jen