Friends

Hi, I am pretty new around here and I haven't had surgery yet. I am planning on having the gastric sleeve and meet with a dr next week. Anyway, I have friends, mom friends, and we all have things in common, mainly we are a group of parents with autistic kids. Most of us are overweight, and I am one of the largest at 287 lbs and 5'3".

Well, I mentioned I was considering weight loss surgery and they lost it.

How could I do that to myself.

I'll never be able to eat good foods again.

Weight recommendations would have us looking like twigs.

What about pork chops and bacon?

I felt so horrible afterwards. Does anyone have experience losing friends because of surgery because you are suddenly not like the others? This makes me a bit apprehensive, especially since this is my support network for autism parents, and has been for years. Ultimately, I still want to have the gastric sleeve, but I need to be emotionally prepared for this, and I simply wasn't today.

Thanks.

That was rough.... part of it is stereotypes and fear of the unknown. I don't believe anyone who is significantly overweight in this day and age with the internet and so much information...hasn't considered Weight Loss Surgery... I never thought I'd be one of 'those people' to have it.

You will eat good foods again- just in smaller portions. And define 'good foods'??? We can eat it, but should we?

Pork Chops and Bacon? No problem...No reason you can't eat those.

There is some truth in the Weight recommendations- it may or may not be true as BMI charts are generic.... don't account for how much bone, muscle, skin, etc you personally have. You can worry about that when you get close to goal...

I have to say I've had a mix, those who were enthusiastically supportive, those who were nice about it, and one person who was vehemently against it, and it has put a wedge in our relationship.

Especially before surgery I had to be careful who I shared my doubts and some of the 'processing of thought' with....

They weren't prepared either today, and as I said may have reacted over their own fears.....

You need to do what is right for you and your health....

At my highest I was 288 and I'm 5'2". I had vsg surgery at 212. I'm now about 7 months post op and weigh 135.5. I feel like it's something I did for myself, not to myself. I'm off my high blood pressure meds. I'm no longer considered diabetic. I can climb stairs and not get out of breath. So full of energy, my house has never been so organized. I'm so glad I did it.

Do what you want, not what other people want. If they choose to stay unhealthy that's their business. I chose to have the surgery and to not tell the negative people in my life. I didn't need to hear all that garbage. I only told my family who had seen me fight this losing battle since I was very young. They have been so supportive and happy for me. and by the way, I still eat pork chops and bacon (Just not as much as before) Go to a seminar about the surgery and decide for yourself. 

Well I haven't lost friends because of the surgery, if they had a problem with it too bad that's their problem not mine. I had to do what was best for my health & wls was it. You have to decide what is best for you. Do your research go to seminars etc. You were thrown off balance but once you get more information about wls you'll have answers for your friends if they try to turn you away from surgery.

Yes you'll still eat bacon & pork chops just not as much & "good food"? What's that? The surgery is on our stomachs not our head. You might desire "good food" I'm thinking maybe you're thinking carby food. That desire will always be there but you might not give into it so much if you stay with a protein forward lifestyle which we all mostly follow.

The weight thing that varies. My Dr is fine where I'm at but I picked a number off the bmi chart & am wondering if I should still go for it since I'm kinda happy where I'm at too & very close to my goal. When you choose a goal you'll decide for yourself if you still want to go for it or not or pick a different one. You'll never know till you get there. 

So sorry you had this experience with your friends. As others have said you have to do what is best for you and your health long term. This isn't about being like a twig it is about being healthy (to care for your child). You don't have to lose any more weight than you are comfortable with. Hopefully as you go through the process your friends will be lucky enough to learn the truth about WLS. You may even be "their guiding light".

Perhaps someone in your group would be willing to go to informational meetings or a support group with you. A support group ahead of the surgery sounds as if it would be a helpful idea for you.

When you are under the stress you are as a mother of an autistic child it is easy to turn to food as comfort and it sounds as if your friends are in that mind set. You can actually learn to enjoy food more when small amounts of something like bacon are a slowly chewed treat. Hard to believe but true.

I wish you  good luck and do update us how things are going.

It is nothing wrong to be like "a twig". 

And pork chops and bacon? I eat that often. It is the ice cream and cookies I stay away from...

As for losing friends?  If they are real frinds - you will not lose them..

I had a few friends who did not like the idea of me having WLS - I told them that I decided to do it, and since they are my friends - I need their support, and help.  I only lost "one friend"; apparently our friendship was based on eating and drinking..and since I no longer choosed to do that - the friendship fizzled out... 

So sorry you had this experience. The most frequent negative that I heard (and still hear from time to time) are stories of people who had the surgery and gained all their weight back plus some. I've not reached goal yet but I can see how old eating habits could come back to haunt you, especially with over-eating of carbs. But the procedure has saved my life and given me back the ability to move about and do things I love doing like gardening, boating, walking and most especially getting outside on nice days to paint. I just explain that everyone handles these things differently but most people do NOT gain the weight back.

I'm no longer afraid I'm going to break furniture or have nothing appropriate to wear to meetings.

I chose the middle of the BMI chart where it says "normal" as my goal. I'm sure I would be perfectly happy at 135 or so, I was there once, a long time ago, for about 6 months, and was very comfortable at that weight. My husband just doesn't want me to go much below that. My NUT advises that when I reach goal, there is normally a little bounce back while the maintenance calorie amount is worked out. So my "secret" goal is about 130... 5 pounds over current weight loss goal and I'll be happy with flexing 5 pounds on either side of that.

Remember your group have alot in common & have formed bonds over that common ground.  Now one of the tribe wants to break out a bit, this is going to instill negative reactions; natural group behaviour.  All the advice everyone has given you here will serve you well.  

You are the only one who can answer if the positives of having WLS are worth your stepping out of some of these group "norms". 

I also had friends that didn't agree with me having surgery, but they were not educated about WLS. You need to tell your friends that the only huge change is that you'll have a smaller stomach. After healing, you'll be able to eat whatever you want, but that you'll be making more healthier choices. After I continually educated all my friends and coworkers, they backed off. If you lose any friends because of your surgery, really they aren't true friends. Good luck. WLS was the BEST decision I ever made for myself.

People are kinda weird. Some lose their minds when they find out and that's usually because they are jealous your having it and they would love to but are too scared or they just plain don't understand it due to lack of research. I know by the time we get to the point of pursuing this we are studied experts. In my case it was two years of study. Of curse you'll get those who could care less one way or the other.

Real friends and good people in general will realize this is a good move for you and will be happy and supportive of you. If you have a friend that is also heavy and your social get together's were based on food (dinner's, lunches, etc) might end up pulling away. I myself didn't have that but I know someone who did have that. 

People who have never experienced being extremely overweight will always think you could just skip dessert and lose a 100 pounds. Nor would they understand the pain and discomfort associated with being extremely overweight. You owe them no explanation.

I was very private about my surgery which is my nature so everyone was "amazed" at my sudden weight loss and complimented me. I thanked them and those that were close to me and I did share what I had done and why I did it. I found everyone to be very accepting and happy for me especially when they saw how great my quality of life was as compared to before.

I had the RNY so I had no choice but to completely change my diet and eating habits. It's surprising how easy I found this to be. Of course my pouch and shortened intestine was very quick to remind me when I dropped the ball on occasion. You'll always find things to eat whatever your setting over time. I'm not familiar with the sleeve but assume it limits the amounts you can eat as opposed to what. If I am wrong on this I apologize. My point here is that I can eat pork chops, bacon, etc. as long as it's prepared right and of course I have to really watch my sugar and fat intake so I'm aware of how I mix foods and pass up things that I deem to be a waste of space or tolerances. 

These changes will be easy to make in most cases and the amounts etc you eat will be based on your body, how it responds, tolerates, etc. and you will bounce a little bit and settle in where your body wants to. 

The importance of watching what and how much you eat never goes away though. Always remember this surgery is ultimately a tool to reduce and maintain a good healthy weight and if taken care of, not eaten around, etc will keep us where we need to be and serve us well. I also suggest keeping a food log one month a year just so we can see what we are really eating and how much as this is a great reminder.

I believe what is most important is to follow up and find the root of what caused us to overeat to such a degree that we became so overweight. That issue is still there and resolving that will make your life even better. Lastly cross addition. We are addicted to food for whatever reason and if underlying issues aren't resolved I have seen people transfer that addiction into other unhealthy activities such as alcohol, sex, bulimia, etc.

I really hope all this is taken as a positive. God know us old WLS vets are a wealth of information and most of us really want to help not preach so everyone can be a success. Please Please always ask if you need anything.

I wish you the very best of luck on your journey to weight loss, better health and happiness. Life is very short. Never waste a minute. 

Rich