It's My Fault, I sabotage my weight loss..

Good morning,

I am back again asking for help, advice, I have been away from OH for a while, my Gastric Bypass was March, 2008 

Lost weight the first year ONLY, lots of health problems throughout these past years, vitamin deficiency, hormone imbalance which is the worst ever, struggled with bad depression; working on all my "issues" 

But I've lost focus on the losing weight part, I have been more in the trying to stay alive part, keep a job, being able to be OK for my family and put everything else aside,

I known I have been gaining weight and didn't even want to weight myself, refused to see myself in the mirror and ignored the clothes I've been shopping for 2x or 3x

Last Thursday I went to the ER yet again; (4th time this year) all my test inconclusive; my weight read 240 lbs

i know I am big. I can see it I can feel it, having a hard time walking long periods

Went for dinner yesterday: realized I finished all my food without any problems ( I know i should put a stop when I feel satisfied the thing is..the feeling never comes

any advice on how to start over? any of you on the same boat....

You have already taken the hardest step by saying enough is enough and now I want to get back on track.  Here are some steps I hope will help you. They helped me...  Also, be sure and join the Back On Track Together group. 

Planning/Preparing

Remember when we were preparing for surgery?  How many meetings, classes and such did we attend?  We were told the more prepared we were the better our chances were for success.  And they were right. Go through the house, car and work place and get rid of trigger foods.  Stock up on foods that will keep you on track. I removed every bad carb/sugar temptation and replaced it with lots of protein, veggies, grains and fruits.

Journaling

Get back to journaling.  This will help you identify when you feel like eating, stress factors and any triggers in your life.  Once you identify these factors, this will help you put tools in place to keep you from eating.  It became clear I was not taking time for me anymore. I worked my day job and then spent the rest of my time caring for my husband.  It was easy to reach for fast, prepackaged food.  Since I purged my home I have to eat clean as there are no other options LOL

Use a tool to track you're eating and exercise like Getting Started with Health Tracker.  Once I started to track ever bite and drink it became clear why I had gained.

Goals/Rewards

Make a list of goals for yourself.  Make them realistic and small.  Some of mine were move more, purge all junk from my home, eat more protein.

Food

In general, a long term post-weight loss surgery eating plan includes foods that are high in protein, and low in fat?, calories, and sugar. Important, vitamins and minerals are provided as supplements. (if you had a different surgery adjust this to your food plan).

Water

Water is our Best Friend. I have to say I never went back to pop or any bad drinks, however I was drinking tea like crazy. What is wrong with drinking tea?  I was either using sugar or 3 equals and 3 sweet n lows per 32 ounce glass.  So I was either pushing to be diabetic or get cancer.  I found once I started carrying a bottle of water around 24/7 (yes had one at my bedside) I lost the cravings for the sugar and I KNOW those artificial sweeteners are not good for me. Look I am old and if you add up all the artificial sweeteners I have consumed I am sure I am at the rat in the lab getting cancer threshold.

MOVE!

I can't say enough about how key this was for me. The reason I kept my weight off for almost 10 years was no matter what, I kept moving.  If I could not go to the gym I would walk. I loved Zumba, bootcamp workouts, lifting weights. When I stopped, the weight started coming back.  So for me I am starting slow to avoid injury by walking and using some of the workouts on my Demand TV.  Find something you love to do and it won't feel like a pain in the *** to do daily.

Support

If it's an option "run" don't walk to a support group.

Keep me posted on how you are doing

Thank You Kathy,

I love exercise but I haven't been able to get to it, I am trying to absorb all of this and take it one step at the time, 

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

Don't worry about exercise right now, at least in terms of weight loss.  Exercise will only help a tiny bit w/losing weight, whereas changing a few key eating habits can make a big difference.

That said, if you can fit in a few short walks (say, 2 or 3 10-minute walks a day), walking fast enough that you breath hard, it will help a lot with stress.  And it sounds like you've had a really stressful year.  Having a healthy way to reduce stress may help you turn less to food as a way to soothe/distract yourself.

Good luck.  You are worth it!

(edited for typos)

Thank you for the kind words, I will start walking the sooner the better, But I tell you the disappointment is just heavy

You took the biggest and hardest step by admitting you need help. It's easy to gain when we avoid the scale. I did that for years and ended up weighing 273 pounds. Now I weigh each and every morning and even post my actual weight here on the "what are you eating post". The accountability of posting my food helps too. I lost 155 pounds and have kept it off 3 years by tracking every bite I eat every day and weighing and measuring my portions. I don't even consider whether I feel full unless I get that feeling before I finish my 1 cup measured amount. I eat my one cup of food and stop. If I feel hungry later,I drink some water. Exercise helps me feel healthier and strong but I wouldn't worry about it right now. Make accountability for food choices your first priority and focus on dense protein and non starchy veggies. Steer clear of bread,sweets,potatoes,rice and pasta. Just focus on one meal and one choice at a time. You've got this!

How much does one cup of steak weigh?  Would that be 8ozs?  I can't get beyond 4.5ozs w/o feeling discomfort...but I weigh solids.  I'll have to try using a measuring cup.

you are so right about dense protein!

Thank you, for all the support I guess I had forgotten that there is hope and help 

Do one thing. When you get that down do another things.

Some one things....

Read OH every day

Eat only protein

track your food

don't drink for 30 minutes after you eat

eat no donuts

Just ONE thing.

I know that I cannot trust any sensation of satiety to tell me when to stop eating.

I have to eat a measured portion, even if that means just cutting something in half and not actually weighing/measuring it.

It is really that simple, and that hard ... My body is not a reliable indicator of fullness .... If I ever get to that point, I have eaten way too much.

If that worked for me, I would not have needed WLS ... Get back to basics.  Protein forward diet that is weighed, measured and eaten on a schedule with plenty of no-low calorie beverages between (at the suggested intervals).