Mental/Emotional Advice

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted in a very long time, but I knew exactly where to come this morning because you all know the struggle. So, I have been on disability for over 5 years. I had gastric bypass in March 15 and have lost 190 lbs. 504 was my highest weight. So over the last six months I have been trying the trial work period to get back to work, but I have struggled so badly. Yesterday, I had a panic attack at work, and I actually cried on the phone with a client. Never in my life have I had trouble working, but in this 3 months I have had 3 different jobs. Yesterday, I just couldn't handle it, and for the first time ever in my life I walked out on my job. I am up this morning to call around to find a therapist, and to call my regular doctor to see if my medications should be upped or changed. I feel like such a failure because I never thought that this would be a struggle for me. I read an article yesterday (that I should have read before I tried to go back to work) that talked about how getting back to work after being on disability for an extended period of time is very difficult emotionally. I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced trouble going back to work after being off for an extended period of time. I cried myself to sleep last night, and my eyes feel like sandpaper this morning. I am just feeling so embarrassed, guilty, inadequate, you name it I'm feeling it. I look forward to hearing from you all. Thank you so much. Blessings, Sarah

My mother told me years ago not get emotional at work.  She said when you feel like you are getting out of control to just tell the boss you are sick and go home and calm down.

It is too late for that, but it is something to remember to your next job.  Working over the phone with clients can be very pleasant or extremely stressful. 

In addition to talking with your doctor and a therapist, look into career planning.  You need to find a career that you love, not just a job..  Your local college or employment bureau should be able to help you with testing and training.

I stayed home with my kids for 12 years before returning to the workforce. I wasn't on disability, but probably could have been given the depression and anxiety I experienced in those 12 years. When I did start working again, I was finally on the right medication and could function well. So do look into your medication. That could make all the difference. 

Seeking therapy is a good start. Don't beat yourself up about what happened yesterday you can 't change it so you have to move on.

Look at the good you have done in your life. See the changes that you have done since surgery. I know we can beat the crap out of ourselves and then we can lead ourselves back to old habits. 

Panic attacks suck. I had one once I ended up in the ER thinking I was having a stroke. 

I wish I had more to help. 

I really feel for you, and I wish I could reach out and give you a hug and say everything will be okay. I have emotional disabilities as well and I can sympathise, trying to find the right balance of medications can be a nightmare, especially if your body changes and they no longer work for you! I worked at a rather stressful job for 7 years before my meds stopped working and I had a major flip out at work. I quit that job and went back to school and it was the best thing I've ever done. Maybe it's time to find a new carreer, one that you can enjoy, going back to school can be a blast and very self-gratifying. 

I am a business woman. I have been working (or rather being employed) no stop since January 3rd 1990.. before taht I was a student and I had a few shorter jobs...

yet.. post op WLS- I deal with anxiety doing some part of my job. Job that I know so well, have been doing it for years - some tasks take so much effort.  Even traveling - that I love so much - I get major anxiety before every trip... I know RNY changed not only my physical size - but it affected my nerves and ability to deal with stress. 

You are dealing not only with that...but also with the longer break from work.. counseling should help =- but don't be surprise if you need more than that.... 

I used to take Lexapro - it really helped with taht part - but I could not tolerate the side effects..

I do agree a therapist is a good start, also someone to help with a little career planning.  Maybe a job with less people and maybe small kids, or pets, or a job that requires you to be a little less social might be helpful.  People just stress out people, its the way of it.  Take a little time and really think about the things at this job that caused the flare up, is the it drive in, the constant calls, no down time, being social with co-workers, having to "know" 500 things your not comfortable with?  Once you've taken time to narrow down some of the things that got you worked up, maybe you can think of a few jobs that are not as focused on those types of task.

Hang in there, medications can help.  I'm totally well adjusted at my job however I do still keep a bottle of Xanax in my drawer and so do about 4 of the 10 of us at this job.  It's not that it's stressful, it's that working with 1 million things coming at you each day can be a lot to keep on top of.  Phone calls, emails, responsibilities, paperwork, commutes, lunch times, and people in general are a lot and having something like medication may help for those times things get out of order.  

Trust me, we've all felt like walking out on work regardless of weightloss, re-entering the work force, or what not, you just happen to have several things going on at once.   

First, congratulations on the weight loss and the feeling like you can go back to work.  Reclaiming your ability to work and working with anxiety takes a lot of courage.  You are brave to get out of your comfort zone and attempt returning to work.  Medication management and therapy is very important for me.  I wish I had some better answers for you. Start out slow and work your way up to full speed.  Break tasks down into smaller units if possible so you can have frequent smaller victories. Don't expect too much out of yourself.  Everyone has to learn the job.  Starting any new job is stressful.  Hope this helps.