Part Vent/Part Psych Discourse

Past History:

1 year out from my surgery and down a total of 153 pounds from my highest weight. Yay me!

Not so yay---My worst bad habit crept into my life again big time over the last month and a half. I realized it and recognize it for what it is....

Running to food when I am stressed out.

I am a night binger. Sure, it's not the same amount of food that I used to binge on, but it's still the ACT of it that I need to quash. 

My aunt is dying, and creating as much chaos (if not more) when she was healthy. Sometimes I want to help her and the other moments I want to slap her for spending her entire life asking other people to take responsibility. She refuses to make decisions and the cries like a child when nothing goes her way. She's driving everyone nuts.  Including my 81 year old mother whom I care for. 

I continue to work out 4-5 nights a week, but I still find myself snacking an hour before bed. It ****** me off that even when I come home from my UJam class and I am NOT hungry, I still will nibble.  I didn't do it last night, but the urge was there. I didn't even allow myself to go the kitchen to get some ice water because I knew I'd automatically open the fridge to stare at the food.

I think it's time for Overeater's Anonymous. I've got to deal with these triggers now, because I can't ignore them. That's what I used to do and what did it get me--340 pounds. 

Thanks for letting me vent. 

I'm in a very similar place. I've made a resolution that I WILL NOT eat after 8pm. I can drink all the water I want, but no food. It doesn't fix the problem, but it's a start.

My boat looks pretty similar too, and I'm only 3 mo. post op.  Lots of stress and I'm trying my darnest to be 100% honest and accountable for what I eat.  Also, I've been slacking somewhat on getting to the gym.  I must commit to 5 days a week and stick to it!  OA has helped me so much, just be sure to try different meetings at different times - some will fit you better than others, and don't forget they have on-line meetings too - even late at night!

Take it easy on yourself.  Your plans are fine, but without the self-recriminations.  Good for you to build a new pattern last night. If there comes a time when you cannot maintain this new behavior, at least go for harm reduction - eat carrot not carrot cake. 

This is a time to build your own boundaries while your Aunt makes her transition.

Prayers are with you,

I also am starting to have issues at night- I look at my fitness pal at 7:30 and think- oh i have 200 caloires left so i eat both a 60 cal yogurt and a 70 protein ice cream

from now on it will just be a tiny snack- not 2

This is all a LONG journey ... putting down the worst addiction EVER ... to excess bites .

So... please take it easy on yourself  ... I personally don't believe in diets ... just moving towards healthier fresher better food choices .  Moving in My opinion ( not that I matter ... but I did make this journey ) ..moving daily  worked when I did it to ENJOY it and gave myself the permission to stop when I wasn't having fun after I got out there .

Sometimes all I did was walk a block ... more often I walked or rollerbladed or " ran " ( ran-walked or jogged SLOWLY ) miles ... but I always made sure I had a positive experience  which made me eager  to go again the next morning .  And yes, excercise was my number one priority every morning for a lot  of years .

And yes I did beat myself up for that ... why wasn't my priority my career .. creative projects ... making money ...

i'm glad I undertook this " frustrating " journey.  recovery took way too long and way too much effort but it did really happen... and now I have a second ( or twelfth ) chance to achieve  a great life