Gaining confidence - in a bad way?

I'd suggest checking with HR, sooner rather than later. It's possible that this person will complain to management, and you need to CYA. It could also help to get some feedback on being assertive in the workplace, especially in regard to this particular situation.

I totally get you on the "doormat" thing, I too was everyone's "doormat' "scapegoat" "oh daisy will do it" and I did, because I didn't have the confidence in myself to say no or stand up for myself.  

And just like you as the the weight came off my confidence and self awareness started to come back. I also started to say no to people at work, I actually had a long chat with my boss that I felt like I was being used and when I cited specific examples of other people who dumped their work on my boss realized I was being taken advantage of and she fully supported me when I said no.

I don't think you did anything wrong at all.  Why is it when a woman is confident and assertive she can't just be that, confident & assertive! I don't know you or your workplace but the lady who has treated you & others like crap for 15 years sounds like a bully to me.  And quite frankly looks like because you stood up to her she just can't handle that, most bullies can't handle being stood up to.  Its not nice to see someone cry because of what you said, but if what you said to her was the truth, was done in a professional manner and you were not mean and swearing at her and all you did was stand up for yourself then you did nothing wrong.  Her problem now that she needs to figure out how to deal with the new "no doormat" you 

Head up, keep bringing that confidence.  People just are not used to it and it will take a while to get used to the "new you".

And now, you a damn BOSS! An MC! 

Haha!  Thanks!

Thank you!  The feedback I got from some others at work supprts that.  She can't handle when someonestands up tk her.  She loves the whole "poor me" thing.  

I have always just ignored her but she has gotten really awful lately.  I should also mention I am not the first person to make her cry by standing up to her.  

I also don'tunderstand why anytime a woman stands up for herself she is a "*****".  

Good for you for losing the doormat disorder.  Now you can work on the superpower of tact with assertion.  

Heather,

Congratulations on finding your voice and your backbone -- as you can see from all the replies, it's something we all struggle with.

I think it's partly from always being the girl "with the nice personality" -- you know, the fat one that nobody wants to date or hear from or take into account.  We spend so much time while morbidly obese being so damned grateful that someone's paying attention to us that we don't see (or don't want to see) that they're actually being emotionally, verbally, and mentally abusive.

We take it because we think we're so fat and worthless and ugly and stupid we don't deserve better, and, actually, we probably deserve worse than we're getting.

Then we take control of ourselves, have the surgery, have several lifetimes' worth of estrogen dumped out of our fat cells into our systems all at once, and -- VOILA! -- we're suddenly being "*****y" because we begin to realize that we have value and that the person we thought was our friend (or a valued colleague) is a complete bullying asshat.

Your blubbering colleague will get over herself eventually.  When you took her one there was probably a silent round of applause going on all over your office.  It's very likely that management is aware of what this person is like because you're not the first that has caused her to turn on her waterworks.

If I can give you one piece of advice, it's stand your ground.  Be polite, but do not let anyone, anywhere, any time make you feel less than what you know you are.  The balance will come.

Thank you so much.   Sadly thi****s home with me.  I am going to keep standing up for myself - I just need to keep making sure I do it in a calm and professional way.  

I've got a feeling your supervisor know's this woman is a ***** and probably figures she got what she deserved finally. It's pretty 

hard to feel sorry for a bully when they're finally put in their place and laughable when they start crying because they feel they 

were feeling picked on. Bully's hate being treated the same way they've always treated other's.

It's great your becoming more assertive and outgoing. Obviously you have to use that filter to gauge each situation. It's kind of like

the old "pick your battles carefully" thing.

Use that new found confidence in positive ways and you'll no doubt see many good changes start to happen in your life.

Keep up the great work, Rich    

Thank you so much!