I hate to say this, but I would stop confiding in your mother.  She had NO BUSINESS telling that other person that you had surgery planned, unless you told her to.  NO F%^&ING BUSINESS.   Your mother may not really be the supportive person that you need - not that she's a bad person, just that she may not be very helpful for you with this issue at this point in time.   So instead of talking about your positive points and getting him off of the your daughter is too big train, she agrees with this ass%^*$ and then tells him your personal medical information and the tells YOU ABOUT THE CONVERSATION - did she even apologize to you for handling the situation badly?  If it were me, it would a long time before I had anything other than a superficial conversation with my mother.

There is a real point to your post - this is the time - the few months before surgery - to get your support system in place. You need to know what you can expect and not expect from your family and  make plans to get support from people who have a deeper understanding of the issues impacting weight loss. 

Sharon005 is right, i.e. "this is the time - the few months before surgery - to get your support system in place. You need to know what you can expect and not expect from your family..."

I learned YEARS ago that my mom wasn't a hugs and kisses kind of a mom.  Further, she is a goal post mover!  For example, she was on my case for 10 YEARS to get weight loss surgery, I wasnt too convinced that it would work and waited and researched and watched my cousins. Now that I have had success with it, she feels "bad" that I had to do it, especially when I take my vitamins!

She also repetitvely encourages me not too get to think. Whatever, I am a 144 lbs as of 2 am this morning...

Notably, she is a member you would NOT want on your support team. She lives half a country away.

For me, my support team was my husband-to-be, my 2 closest friends, the managment at the gym i go to , the surgeons staff, and this site.

Just saying that those closest to you, may not be the best "support".

Hey, all -

Thanks for the replies. I should say that I was asking my mother to provide me more details about what said family member has said about me. She didn't really want to divulge too much information, but I made her tell me everything.

I think she felt that it was okay to tell him about my surgery because I have openly discussed it in the past, and it doesn't really bother me too much that she said something. I'm not really upset about that, but I have told her to keep the surgery on the DL for now. I don't want to tell many people until I have the actual date scheduled.  

My husband (bless his heart!)  was so protective of me when someone would give me sideways glances or say some snide comment behind my back.  He was almost too protective.  Most of the time I didn't even notice the comments or looks, but he sure did. (like we don't know how large we are and we need it pointed out to us!)  He gave the looks right back and would have gotten into fights to protect my feelings.  I had such blinders on for so long I didn't pay attention to others most of the time.  I would get more hurt when he would make his faces back at them and let them realize he was with me and they had no right to say/do those things to a complete stranger.  I'm so thankful that God gave me a man like that...  my ex was one of those verbal abusers and was part of the reason for my morbid obesity so to have someone protect me was something I wasn't used to.  He always told me he loved me just the way I was ~ he didn't care if I was heavy or skinny, he just wanted me healthy.  Now he has his healthy wife and still looks at me and says he still can't believe I'm so small.  (I still have a ways to go, but much closer than I was!)   Hang in there!  Before you know it, you will be losing pounds and inches and won't recognize yourself!  It's hands down the BEST thing I've ever done for myself!  You have support here!!

We are here to listen. Many of us have been in your position. and many of us have succeed following surgery.

It is NOT a quick fix, but hard work. Surgery is only one tool in our arsenal! 

Good luck & don't let the toads get to you.

Z_m14,

Well I have heard this before....

No one knows more than you about you than you. Having surgery is gaining control... you are taking the steps for yourself, and even though family is suppose to love, often the ones with the weight problems get poked at the most!!  Been there!!!  I know some in my family are just acting stupid! and do not know how painful it is to be over weight.  Good for you that you have the strength to speak about this, and will help someone else who is too ashamed to take up for themselves... I have been that person...

Wish you great success with your surgery, you will Win this fight! so stay in the Ring and Fight!!

Texas girl

You ought to do what you need and want to do for yourself. Noone lives in your shoes but you. There's always gonna be criticism from someone. It's what you think of yourself and no one else. I had gastric weightloss surgery one month ago and up until the end there were people criticizing me but I knew this was the right decision for me so I don't really care what others had to say. Even as sick as I've been since surgery this was absolutely the right decision for me and my family. So the only advise I can give you is to seek your heart and soul and make the decision for yourself and don't do it for someone else do it for yourself. Good luck and God Bless You!!!