If the person cared about her "dropping dead from her weight", they would've spoken to her about, in person, not gossip behind her back. Saying negative things about a persons weight never really works in a positive way for the person needing to lose the weight & only makes that person feel worse.

Turning a frown upside down is a nice sentiment but it doesn't usually work in the way people would like it too.

:(

I have a few of those in my family. What makes it worse is, my whole family on that side is obese. :/ And they still talk! Every time I see them, "My you have put on a few pounds huh?" And they have the nerve to make it into a joke. I don't let them know it bothers me at all, which is part of my passive personality. But eventually I get fed up, and avoid everyone. Which is where I am at now. Plus that's not the only stressful topic in my family right now. So, yeah. I get it. It sucks. You would think they would know it hurts. But they claim they are saying it because they are concerned. I only think "Well be concerned about yourself then, and you wouldn't be obese either." but I just act like it doesn't bother me and stress about it internally. I internalize everything anyway, why not add a few more things to stress over, lol. 

But Yeah its totally rude and uncalled for. We need to look them straight in the eye and tell them its not right. But I don't. I probably won't. So I understand. *hugs*

I just love how people think if your obese that means your life is out of control.  When I was obese I was a single mother and worked two jobs.  I was an accountant and a home health aide.  I had a nice clean home and a car that was paid for.  My daughter was a straight "A" student on her way to college.  In no way was my life out of control.  My weight was the only thing in my life that gave me trouble.  I still consider it a point of contention!!!!  LOL!!! 

People need to wake up and realize obese people CAN be fully capable, contributing members of society.  No out of control person here!!! 

Oh, honey, oh, yes, a thousand times.

We've all been exactly where you are.  People think they're being so damned helpful and supportive, and what they're doing is driving a stake through your heart.  

When I was big, it seemed like there was nothing else anybody could talk about with regard to me.  I know that my mother (who was my biggest supporter, even as she was driving me completely up a wall about my weight) had my back, but there was still the "oh, but dear, you have such a pretty face" -- which was true; when your face is the size and shape of a basketball, there's not much chance for wrinkles and **** -- and the subtle little digs.

It drives us, in my opinion, further back into the shell we live in as obese people.  For myself, I just wanted people to pretend I wasn't there.  I wore shapeless black, gray, navy or dark brown clothes several sizes too large (which, towards the end there, were getting harder and harder to find even in fat people stores, because I was quite the size) so I could blend into the background.  I'm sure there are people I came across during that time who figured I was likely deaf and mute because I never said anything.  

Now I wear bright red that actually touches something on my body other than my shoulders, and I never shut up, but that's a story for another day.

Of course it hurts.  And of course it makes us think that people only see our size and don't see our real selves.  It was ever thus for many people -- for people of colour, or of certain religious persuasions, or sexual orientations -- and for obese people as well.  It's all about assumptions.

My eldest son is one of the nicest, kindest, funniest people I know.  He is also 6'5", with hair shaved almost down to the wood, full chest, back, and arm sleeve tattoos.  Even he admits that he "looks like he commits hate crimes on the weekend."  He's met many people who are initially scared to death of him, and then get to know him for the compassionate little weirdo he is.

People make assumptions about him because of what he looks like.  People make assumptions about the obese because of what we look(ed) like -- lazy, stupid, weak.

The key is to remember that whatever people think of us is none of our business.  Others can't help their ignorance, and we don't have to take it on.

Courage, my dear -- this too shall pass.

Please take your SPAM and sell your product elsewhere.  This is not the place.

I think using someone else negative comments to influence change in the op reinforces the negative behavior of her family members. It's almost like giving a pass to the family member to be an asshole if it gets her to get healthy, lose weight or whatever, not good in my opinion.

Also know that OH extremely frowns upon members using their site to sell/promote your products. You have to go thru OH for that., or if you want there's a product link at the top of the page if you want to leave a review on a product you liked.

Realize when you start to successfully lose weight, they will talk about that too.

After a while when you get maybe 70 lbs within goal, they will be "concerned" say you look "too thin", maybe even "sick" or "frail". They will be "concerned".

Make a list of these Negative folks now. It will serve you well in the future.

Just saying...

OMG - you are so right. 

Your family members are gossiping about you & yeah, it sucks, apparently they don't have anything else to do with their day., with their lives & health being all perfect n all. Your moms relaying that gossip doesn't do anything for you other than to make you feel bad. I'd talk to her & ask her what does she say in your defense when family members start gossiping about you.

Really I think she needs to check them & put them in their place., & you should do the same. If they were that concerned about you, they'd tell it to you, in person.

I am sorry you had to deal with. Some people are just mean to be mean. All you can do is focus on yourself, because a year from now, when you have lost a bunch of weight, he will still be a jerk.