I'm just upset

Hey, all -

I was having a conversation with my mother this evening. She was telling me how a family member noticed that I've gained weight. This family member, mind you, is a pain in the @ss. I knew where this conversation was going. She told me that this person said that I am too big and need to get my life under control.

I really hate conversations like these. Whenever I hear someone make comments about my weight, my stomach just drops, and I immediately feel sick and upset. It also makes me think about what other people think about me. I know I'm big. I know I'm obese. I'm tired of people just seeing me for my weight. I'm mostly nice and friendly to everyone, and I just hate when my weight gets thrown back in my face.

My mother told him about my surgery this summer, and he said that he hopes it all works out. 

There's no real point to this post - just looking to express my feelings in a forum where I'm sure many of you have experienced this same situation. 

It is tough when people talk about your weight. Try and ignore it and do what you have to do for yourself, it is not for them. Keep coming back, learn as much as you can and you will be successful.

I hate that for you, and I doubt anyone here hasn't gone thru it and experienced the suckage at the hands of our own idiots... It always bites.

One of my grandmothers has been throwing barbs at me about my weight since elementary school, but she thinks she's being loving and helpful, not hateful. 

Since I started my surgery journey, including the months pre-op, she's been so over the top excited when she sees I've lost weight that it's become inappropriate. The only point it drives home for me is how exceptionally unacceptable I've been to her my whole life. She's a peach...

I saw her for Mother's Day and she was SUPER HAPPY.... and wanted to know where the surgeon 'cut the fat off me'. I explained they hadn't... Then was grumping to my aunt later about my explaining that my weight loss surgery type was not a Fat-ectomy... And she said she had to have the same conversation with her about my surgery.

Which just perfectly illustrated to me how little conversations with goobers actually accompli****'s easier to scrape it off when you acknowledge everyone has idiots in their family tree, and there's no arguing with idiocy.

Hang in there.

xx

Hmmm.  I think I would tell my mother that I've noticed that said family member is quite rude and disrespectful speaking about me to my mother behind my back about something that is none of their business.  That person should really get their life under control and learn not to be an asshat.

Additionally, your mother doesn't need to tell you every hurtful comment made about you when you aren't around.  She also doesn't need to share your medical information (surgery) with someone.  That's for you to share or not.  

It's okay to set a boundaries.  Being obese doesn't mean that people have a right to treat you disrespectfully.  

Very well said Kat!

exactly my thoughts Kat!

Perfect. My first thought was "Thanks a LOT, Mom!" I'd have been really angry with her, but of course I wouldn't have said anything to her, I'd have just gone home and eaten a box of crackers. I've since learned how to stand up for myself, yes, even to my mother!

It's funny -- we often think that our food habits come from our "lack of self-control" -- but as we grow and change, we may find that we had self control -- it kept us from hauling off and punching people in the throats!! -- what we lacked were better coping strategies.  

The reality is being morbidly obese is extremely unhealthy and as much as none of us ever wanted to be made the topic conversation it's the truth.  The person is concerned for you dropping dead from your weight.  I was M.O. For 20 years and was mortified by people talking about my weight.  I wanted to just disappear, but that's because I lived in denial over how big I had really become.  I became a prison in my own head and body and hid because of shame.  But after wls gave me a second chance I swore I would never be the topic of anyone's weight conversations ever again, 11 years and still going strong weighing in the 130's instead of 283.5.

It sucks I know, people talking about you.  It totally sucks, but use it to get healthy and stay healthy and never return to these dark days.

Good Luck.

While I agree with some of your sentiment -- having been 347 pounds and now weighing in the 130's after WLS and a lot of consistent work, I have to heartfully disagree that all conversations about someone's body size are motivated by the person's health.  Indeed, under the guise of "health,"  - it has often become acceptable to simply be an asshat.  If that family member was truly concerned about her health, he/she would speak to her directly and compassionately.  Snarking to someone's mother about someone isn't motivated by concern, but likely just being a jackass.

She's having surgery -- so obviously she is planning on doing something about it.

Being obese isn't a license for people to discuss a person's body.  One can be thin as a rail and still not be healthy. Moreover, a person's body shouldn't have to be socially acceptable in order for people to simply be polite.   

Frankly, I think that the relative's need to gossip and the mother's compulsion to tell her something hurtful said about her -- does absolutely nothing to aid in her journey towards better health -- shows signs of bad mental health on their part.  Jeez, don't these people have better things to do or talk about?

I know if some relative decided to bad-mouth my son, they'd be lucky to walk out of the room with their teeth still in their head.  Of course, that's hyperbole -- I wouldn't actually hit anyone -- but I can promise you I would tell them in no uncertain terms that they were out of line and not feel compelled to compound the insult by relaying it to my son.