Am I totally awful? 18+ only please. TY

Hi my name is Jamie. I'm 33 yrs old  and I'm kinda in a situation similar to yours. The difference is...ok my boyfriend of 4 yrs wants me to lose weight bad but not rushing me. Told me is I just loss 50 lbs he'll put a ring on my finger. I ask him why he want me to loss weight, an I no longer attractive. He said no that's not it at all, I just want you to loss weight so we can grow old together, live longer to travel when the kids grow up. I feel that's an honest answer not a deman. If he wanted he could of been left me, my kids aren't his biologic kids but he claims them as his. He can up and leave and never look back. But he hasn't. I was recently hospitalized because my sleep apnea wasn't taken seriously. Now I have to loss weight no options. He is so supportive of me and I love it. I guess what I'm getting at is if he isn't man enough to encourage you to do what's best for you then he need to go. Support is needed when it comes to making a step like surgery. He got to have your back not looking at other women behind it. To what you want It's your body not his. You have to see you everyday. And you have to see you that way unless you want better for you. Good luck. I'm currently in process of going to a seminar. Haven't seen a doctor yet but Im getting the ball rolling. 

To both of the ladies here, please please run. To the opening poster, run before he destroys any sense of self worth and confidence you have. Mr. 'Stillliveswithhismotherthathetreatslikecrap' thinks you're just not good enough for marriage material, maybe when you lose enough weight to suit him and if you don't have too much loose skin?! Screw that, it's the other way round, he's not good enough for you and no matter how much you try, people like that won't see and appreciate you for you. To the woman who has the boyfriend who was in jail, run and run now while you still can. This is controlling abusive behavior, and can escalate, quickly with little notice to physical abuse. You are already changing things in order to keep him from getting upset. (Straight home from work so you can't go to the gym, trying not to talk to other males so as not to set him off, etc.) please get out while your sense of self and physical safety are still intact. 

You are not conceited what you are feeling are RED FLAGS.  I met my first husband when I was 17 and then married at 20.  During those 3 years I ignored and was too young to pay attention to the red flags.  Very soon after marriage the emotional abuse started then it later turned to physical.  3 kids and 15 years later I finally got the guts to get out.  Even after I was out the stalking and attempts at my life continued.  This all lead to depression, increased weight gain and in the end health problems.  I'm not saying your situation will turn out this way but don't be like me and ignore those little thoughts in your head.  They don't go away.  Marriage is a lot of work and add a few kids and everything that was a little problem in the beginning gets magnified 100%.  Also, even if you're sure he'll never hit you I feel that emotional abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse.  

Personally, I think you should have dumped him the first time he said "I would never marry a fat person".

Though that opportunity has passed, you've got the chance now.  "Better late than never!"

Seriously though, it is never conceited to look out for your own mental and physical health.  By reconsidering whether you want to marry someone who shamed you when you most needed his unconditional love, you are taking care of yourself.  As fat people, especially women, we have been socialized to think that we should put all our energy into taking care of others, so it can feel "selfish" to start looking out for ourselves in a healthy way.  But learning to do that is critical to your overall health and to your long-term weight loss.

YOU ARE WORTH IT. 

What I love about my husband is that he has stuck with me through thick and thin. It doesn't sound like your guy would. Think long and hard about this , I wouldn't want someone who is going to run at the first sign of illness, weight gain or other problem. I admire you for sticking to your guns about your purity. Bless you

You deserve better. True love is not based on the number on the scale. It's in the heart. Dump him and take your new skinny self out and find someone who likes you just the way you are!

Great job on your weight loss!

Sorry to be blunt, but if he didn't accept you then he doesn't deserve you now! What if you gain some weight back? You will be back to square one!

Find someone who will love you no matter what! He doesn't deserve you, sorry.

Wishing you continued success and true love in your future relationship?

Hello,

I agree with PatM.  When I was overweight, some of the handsome men never noticed me or spoke to me; however, after I lost weight and started looking good, they started really paying attention.  My attitude by the time I got to goal was "if you don't like me when I'm fat, what makes you think I'm going to like you when I'm thin" - men like that are very shallow and will only make women feel bad about themselves if they gain a few lbs.  Find someone that likes you for who you are at this very moment and you will have a best friend and great marriage.  

Betty 

I was in a similar situation...not comparing our relationship but after 3 years of dating and him always encouraging me to loose weight I found out he was sleeping with other woman and to my surprise they were all bigger than me. I was heartbroken yet he was my best friend and it was hard to stop all contact. One day I asked why things happen the way they did and he said It was because I never lost the weight he expected me to loose. I met him at 24 years old and I am now 31 and wish I would've had more confidence to leave someone who didn't appreciate me for who I was. 

You're 23, like everyone else says, take your time and don't rush into marriage simply because he's been there. You're confidence and self worth will only continue to improve. 

I personally would have kicked him to the curb a long time ago!! You are worth much better! You are a beautiful lady regardless of the exterior shell! I would feel the same way that you do about him talking about marriage now. He doesn't deserve you! Let him see that the thinner women don't want him either! I don't mean to sound so negative but you deserve so much better!! So glad you saved your V for the marriage night! That is rare in this day and time but very respectable! May you find a better man not that immature boy! Sincerely, April