Need a butt kickin'!!

I'm pre-op, and going through the process to get approval for RNY.  My surgeon will not operate on anyone that is not losing weight.  I had an appointment about a month ago and had lost 3 pounds, I think.  Since then, I was sent to a psychiatrist to get my stress and anxiety under control, in order to 'pass' the psych eval, and I had a sleep study on 3/23.  The results of the sleep study distressed me, and I'm fighting the stress and anxiety.  I don't know when my next appointment is, but will probably find out sometime next week.  I've not eaten well.... I can say that I've gotten my protein and liquids in, but as far as watching carbs and eating healthy, I haven't.  I got on the scale and have gained about 9 pounds... NOT GOOD.   I need some words of encouragement, and a swift kick in the butt to get back in gear! Thank you so much in advance.

~Helen

You are always going to have stress in your life.  I am pretty sure that "normies" (meaning normal-weighted people) have stress and anxiety in their lives all the time.  The difference is that they usually don't use food as their coping device.  

My strongest recommendation to you is to begin changing your relationship with food now -- during this time of preparing for surgery.  I used an eating disorder counselor, this site and several books to help guide me -- and I cannot stress enough how important it is to find the support you need sooner rather than later when it comes to weight loss surgery.  So many people go into surgery believing that it will "cure" them and make them "normal" -- but it doesn't.  All those feelings you have now, all those stresses and the anxiety -- and your way of coping with them will still exist after surgery just as they do now ... unless you do something to change them.  That's where the real work comes in.  

In the meantime, try to stop self-sabatoging yourself.  You are worth the effort.  

I sincerely hope that you will consider finding someone to talk to who is experienced with emotional/disordered eating.  It has been key to my success thus far.

Would you mind sharing what books you read?

Not at all -- with the disclaimer that what spurs my eating may be entirely different from you.  In full disclosure:  I am a food addict.  I am prone to emotional eating/binging -- I ate to celebrate, to solve boredom, alleviate depression/sadness, --- really for everything.  Breads, starches, carbs and sugars are definitely my triggers.  I have had to eliminate these foods completely from my life.  I cannot do moderation -- they trigger me and put me right back in binge mode. 

I got all my books via the public library, but I am linking them via Amazon to make it easier.  Hope this helps.

Good Calories, Bad Calories

Breaking Free from Emotional Eating

Stop Eating Your Heart Out

The Binge Eating and Compulsive Overeating Workbook

50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food

The Good Girl's Drug: How to Stop Using Food to Control Your Feelings

Thank you very much!! I truly appreciate you sharing!

Your surgeon is doing you a huge favor by not giving you a procedure that will react very badly to your eating right now. I would do this if I could prepare myself again for my RNY. I would stop drinking anything with calories or carbs. And I would stop all white foods immediately. That change would have made it easier for me to begin losing.

And telling on yourself is not going to do it. No one will come on here and start "kicking your butt" with anything but support and encouragement. You might try therapy. I hurt for you because I was there. I want to somehow with words on a screen, help you understand that this will require willpower unlike you're used to having towards food consumption.

Your surgeon is right to have a program that demands you change how/what you eat. Otherwise he would be setting you up to fail. If you can lose this weight and get the procedure, it will change your life. I honest to God hope you realize your own fate rests in your hands now. Best Wishes Helen.

If you can't find a way to deal with the stress and anxiety preop, the surgery will be a waste. Hope that's not too blunt, but I had the surgery before I figured out how to deal with life and ended up with a 90 lb regain in a very short period of time. Thank heavens I was able to figure out my problems and develop a solution and get the regain off but it's takes A LOT of soul searching, hard work, commitment and determination. Obesity is not the problem and WLS is not the answer. The problem lies in our heads and the solution has to come from the angle. Surgery is simply one tool among many that has to be used to be successful at losing weight and keeping it off. 

Everyone has given you great advice so I will give you the kick in the butt you asked for.  YOU CAN DO IT!

Thank you all so very much for taking the time to care, and share 'real' support. Your words mean more to me than you'll know. I'm taking them to heart and turning things around TODAY. I guess I just needed some encouragement and a boost. You guys are wonderful, and your words of wisdom are much appreciated.

Butt-kicking? Is that what you really want? 

How about a fraternal hug and some words of experience instead? Wink.

Forgive yourself and start over again. we've all done it or else we wouldn't have needed the surgery.  

Trust me, 14 years from now, you will see that patience and forgiveness of self and others actually works faster.  you will do great! 

Hugs, Christian