Hi all,

I'm new here so not sure where to post.  I'm just frustrated tonight thinking about so many things, but mainly obesity and discrimination.  I'm quite overweight.  BMI is probably way up there, at least 40.  Besides feeling crappy most of the time, I feel discriminated against and disrespected at work, at school and just in general.  I've been thin before.  Very thin and very beautiful and always got what I wanted.  Not saying I took advantage but you notice a big difference in the way people treat you! Lol. Even at school other students and teachers I feel are disrespectful and often cunning where they wouldn't be if I was thin.

 I've been denied from a jobs time after time.  I would send in my resume and the employer would call so excited to have such a qualified candidate. Show up for the interview and the look on their face was one of disgust.  After a few years of that, I went back to school hoping that I could find the respect I deserve.  While most days are great, sometimes I feel that people treat me differently than they would if I was thin.  Maybe it's just all in my head.  Times are tough and people are competitive wherever you go.  It's hard to find friendly people too. 

Does anyone else out there feel like this at times?  If you do, how does it effect you?  Really, I have nobody to talk to about this and often feel depressed. 

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I have been thin several periods of my life...and I have been MO. When I was MO I could work, work, work, and work and get no awards at posters sessions...etc.  I get thin...WHAM.. awards. The study population/scientific question didnt change, the presenters analysis (there are specific statistical tests one does with varying population sizes)...only the physique of the presenter.

When I was MO...I was invisible. Now people hold doors for me. When I was MO, no one would approach me to talk to me, and now at the gym I got 4 people approaching me to run or workout with me (half are men...and I did disclose that I was married to them).

The one thing that hasnt changed is my husband. He loved me and put up with my crap MO. He loves me and puts up with my crap thin.

I try to minimize "my crap" for his sake and blood pressure!  :)

But you are so right and it is so wrong. Now, I kind of reverse discriminate. I pick the heavier person out in the room and if they are alone, I go sit with them and talk with them. I feel they are an untapped/over-looked resource that needs to be brought into the foreground.

Now if I only had enough power/influence to make a difference...

Best wishes,

SkinnyScientist 

Who thinks you are about to be REALLY amazed at post op life and the way society treats you. You KNOW already..but now you will be able to KNOW in the way a sociologist KNOWS and maybe you can allow yourself to have some fun with it. Me? I am like an incognito spy. I reintroduce my self to people I like, fly under the radar of people I dont like cuz they dont recognize me, and when one of them introduces themselves to me..I smile and say "Yes we met back at.... when..." The bewilderment is secretly entertaining. ...

During my life I was skinny and I was heavier, and I was MO..

When I am close to my normal weight - not only my body changes but also my attitude, and the way I see others. When I am me now - I am less tired, have more confidence, smile more and I have no problem approaching people and starting conversation... I walk faster, I can wear heels... Etc etc... I no longer try to make my body invisible...I go out and have "look at me, I am amazing" attitude... I am happier and I look happy. Happy attracts people.  

People pick on that. If you feel crappy - it will show... No matter how much you try to hide it... 

There was time when I was heavier - app BMI 36-38, but I had a great attitude. I hiked, I was very active, and I was happy about myself and people.  I was single but I had not problem with dating, or socializing, or traveling etc... I liked myself as a person... My body image was great. I felt powerful and sexy.. I did not need to be thin... 

I know a lot of rather overweight people who have great carier, position and lots of friends. Do the wish they were skinny? Probably.. But that does not stop them having a great life. 

One day in yoga I saw rather heavy girl... Let me tell you - nobody felt sorry for her or pity her - she could do more stuff and with much more grace - the poses - that the rest of us in that class... She was graceful and very beautiful.. Weight did not define her... 

I agree with Hala. Life is what you make it. I never felt discriminated against when I was over 300 pounds. I always got the jobs I wanted. I do think my attitude has everything to do with how much attention I get.

Sadly some people believe that losing weight will solve all of their problems and then are deeply disappointed when that does not happen.

I was never thin by any stretch.  Even in childhood I was obese, then moved up in the world to SMO as time went on.  I am 8 months out and currently a size 7/8 without too much extra skin, so clothed I look "normal." 

I see exactly what you're describing (in reverse) and it REALLY irritates me and makes me sort of disgusted in people for being so shallow.  After all,  despite my smaller dress size,  I am the same person!  

BUT,  I think hala is also correct.  Being MO takes its toll on you and generally (there are exceptions) we become less animated and happy.  It shows and it does push people away.  Being happy and confident in our new, thinner bodies changes the way we carry ourselves and we get a happy glow surrounding us that others want to be a part of.  Everyone wants to be happy,  so when you are emanating it,  people are drawn to you.  "If you build it,  they will come." This works in reverse as well,  which is probably what you are experiencing. 

That said,  there really are some people that are just plain shallow.  There are people that discriminate against obese people.  There are people that are disgusted by obese bodies and don't want to be around any or be seen with any.  I don't think it's as widespread as it seems,  though,  I think it's the happiness factor in many cases.  

It's a very noticeable and seldom discussed change that happens to most of us on this journey.  

Keep your head up and stay positive.  Don't walk into a room bracing yourself for discrimination and disgust,  walk in like you own the place with your head held high and I sincere smile on your face! Your body language should announce "I have arrived!" Not "I know I'm big,  go ahead and judge me."

One of my NSV's is getting a job!  I've been having a hard time finding a job myself.  Sometimes I can't climb the stairs to deliver the mail, or I can't run around the building as much as I would need to.  Or I couldn't sit in the waiting room chairs just waiting for the interview.  One time I got stuck in a chair - UGH!  Humiliating.  I'm an Admin. Assistant with a stellar resume, and I used to always get the job.  However, that's changed and it's my job now to change that back.

When you think through the problems that are facing you, you are taking the first step in finding resolutions for those problems.

I write down what is bothering me.  Then I write down the steps I can take to improve the problem and I always add a date for when each step will be started, completed when the problem will be fixed.

That is how to set goals.  Without a plan, it is just a complaint.  Without a plan and a date it is just a wish.

  Without a plan, it is just a complaint.  Without a plan and a date it is just a wish

Love this!  Thanks White Dove!  =)

I agree with pretty much all of the above comments.  It is true that I feel better and no doubt that comes thru in a positive manner that helps me in my interactions with others. 

But!  I, too, have gotten awards and have been chosen to represent the company in ways that were never offered to me 2 years ago.  I am not THAT different in my job performance.  I have always been considered a "top performer" and good to work with.  

People do judge, people do discriminate.  Most do it behind a pleasant facade so that you never see it.  So, I do wonder a bit when I see your comments about disrespect and cunning as a negative judgement of your weight.  Maybe part of it is in your head -- of course I have no way to know but I think it is good that you threw it out there for consideration.

How did I deal with it?  I worked to do a good job, always. I didn't dwell on my weight. (I barely acknowledged my weight but that isn't healthy, either!)  Everyone, EVERYONE, has something that they are dealing with it, even if they aren't wearing it on the outside like those of us who are/were MO.  

Best wishes,  Shel

I certainly feel as though I am treated differently in a lot of situations now. I am no longer yelled at by strangers on the street when they drive by in their cars, nor am I "moo-ed" at when I walk past a downtown bar with outdoor seating. Mostly, I find that men are more likely to strike up random conversations with me and hold doors open. When I was MO, my husband and I were always asked if we wanted separate checks when we went out to dinner - that has not happened a single time since I have lost weight and now I'm not even wearing a wedding ring.

But, I never felt discriminated again when it comes to my career. Do I think it was possible that people were hesitant to hire me because of my weight? Sure. But, I had a good attitude, was friendly, and worked hard. I'm sure it does happen, but I never felt that way. 

I will say though that there is no way I would have ever gotten the job I have now - one that requires me to be on a plane every week - if I were still heavy and needed two seats. Definitely not.

I think your feelings are normal and we have all had them (to some degree) at one point or another!