Binge Eating Disorder

Hello,

I am a weight loss grad, having had a successful VSG about 18 months ago.  The surgery was a godsend, but now my old eating thoughts and behaviors are back with a vengeance.  I will say, my surgeon and the whole program were amazing, and it was made very clear to me that the surgery is a tool that will NOT fix my head.  I continue to work with a therapist, etc.  

Has anyone here had a diagnosis of Binge Eating Disorder (BED)?  I know that not everyone who is obese or has surgery has BED, and not everyone with BED is obese, but I am hoping to connect with someone who has found a way to manage their BED post surgery.  I have an appointment with an eating disorder clinic today, but I'm anxious with anticipation.

Here I am, 18 months out, and putting on weight rapidly.  My sister's husband recently lost his fight with a very rare and aggressive cancer, and this has been very traumatic for my close knit family.  I think the return of my eating thoughts and behaviors must be linked to that.  I cannot stop.  I just cannot control myself. It's all back. The guilt, the self loathing, the sneaking, the overeating.  I'm limited in how much I can overeat because of my surgery (thank GOD for that), but I still manage to do some damage.  I have continued to work with my therapist, my nutritionist, and my surgeon, and my PCP, but I just don't feel like it's enough.  

I guess my question is, does this seem to be similar to other people's experiences?  I often find myself thinking, "Get a grip, you don't have BED.  You're just not trying hard enough."  Literally, every night when I go to bed I coach myself and say that the next day will be different.  And then it isn't.  I am a mom now, and I know my kids are starting to catch on to my behaviors.  I don't want them to see this because I want to model a healthy relationship with food.  

 I spend inordinate amounts of my day counting calories, planning food, looking up recipes, tracking my food, thinking about my next meal, thinking about how much and how often I "should" eat, trying to do it just right.  I always used to assume everyone who managed their weight did this, too.  Do they?  I always feel like everyone who has a healthy weight does this and just does a better job of it than I do.  Why can't I just get it together??

I am so miserable.  I'm sorry... this is so rambling.  I think I am just looking for some feedback about whether this sounds disordered or whether I'm just making excuses for my weaknesses.  

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.

-Ginnie

Here are the DSM requirements for binge eating disorder:

A. Recurrent episodes of binge eating. An episode of binge eating is characterized by both of the following:

1. Eating, in a discrete period of time (e.g., within any 2-hour period), an amount of food that is definitely larger than what most people would eat in a similar period of time under similar cir****tances.
2. A sense of lack of control over eating during the episode (e.g., a feeling that one cannot stop eating or control what or how much one is eating).

B. The binge-eating episodes are associated with three (or more) of the following:

1. Eating much more rapidly than normal.
2. Eating until feeling uncomfortably full.
3. Eating large amounts of food when not feeling physically hungry.
4. Eating alone because of feeling embarrassed by how much one is eating.
5. Feeling disgusted with oneself, depressed, or very guilty afterward.

C. Marked distress regarding binge eating is present.
D. The binge eating occurs, on average, at least once a week for 3 months.
E. The binge eating is not associated with the recurrent use of inappropriate compensatory behavior as in bulimia nervosa and does not occur exclusively during the course of bulimia nervosa or anorexia nervosa.

Hi there. I completely relate to where you are at. I have been diagnosed with BED. I tried everything - I did inpatient hospital stays, intensive outpatient treatments, specific eating disorder programs, therapy and more therapy. Even with all those things I managed to put on 70+ lbs from my lowest after surgery. 

I hit a point where I was suicidal over my BED and weight gain and all the negative emotions that come with it. It was such a deep dark spot and honestly thought there was no way out  my therapist was about to stop working with me because I had no hope left and no desire to even try anymore  fortunately she pushed me a little further  

I have found a solution. My BED is under control for the first time in my LIFE (and I've been suffering from it since I was 8). I joined OA which promotes spiritual emotional and physical recovery. I had to take drastic measures with all three aspects of recovery but it has been worth it. I was not religious or spiritual before joining OA but I am becoming more spiritual because I was open to trying anything that might save my life. 

I'm happy to talk to you about it more privately. 

I was never diagnosed, but I still had it. I certainly fit the criteria Gwen posted above. Except I did it every day, not just once a week.

When I have been most able to resist food is when I'm super low carb. The more carbs I have, the more cravings I get. It drives me up a wall. The more I eat, the more I want to eat, until it makes me feel like I've gone nuts. Once I'm off carbs for a few days, it's so much easier.

Dense protein and fats are my friend. I get full, and feel full for hours, without wanting more and more and more.

I also spend a lot of time thinking about calories, but that helps me. I don't think about recipes or alternatives, because I eat very few things. And everything I do eat, I weigh and track meticulously.

I eat by yhe clock. Hunger is not an emergency. I eat every day at the same times. I often watch the clock, wishing it would move faster. But I find I can resist for an hour or two, or three. That's all I worry about. Sort of like one day at a time. Just one meal sequence at a time is a victory. When those victories start to add up, it gets easier.

I also come here every day, and read and post a little. It's part therapy, part accountability, and part just keeping my head in the game. And it's partly selfish, because it help me stay on track. But I hope I'm also helping someone else.

Good luck. We're always here.

this morning at about 11am I was sitting at my desk here at work and I got REALLY, REALLY hungry.  I can eat lunch anytime I want, but I made myself wait until 12 to eat, even though I felt ravenous.  I am really proud of myself for waiting, I know it sounds silly, but I am.

I also seem to have skipped my afternoon snack now because I waited.  I wonder if not eating early has helped me to wait longer this afternoon? Hmmm.

Thank you for sharing your strategy of eating by the clock. I'm going to try that!

What Grim said.  

I identified the food that I allow myself eat as much as I want when I get the urge.. chicken, meats, HB eggs.. plus non starchy veggies like NSA pickles, cucumbers and celery.  or black coffee.. or green tea... 

But.. after eating 8 oz (total) portion I do stop and wait 15-20 to see if my pouch had enough. if not - I may have some more chicken... 99% of the time - I had enough... how much "chicken" a person can eat?   

I may eat a WHOLE jar of NSA pickles during 2 hours ... I chose good quality, no sugar added - no chemicals... I no longer hide my eating... my BF never say a thing (unless I eat food we know is going to hurt me...) , no judgment - no comments... At the same time when I have days or times I don't feel like eating - I don't eat... and he is very OK with that also... 

I keep these "allowed foods" ready to eat handy all the time...

add NSA jerky, weird Epic meat protein bars... I removed the guilt and the blame from the eating and it that helped so much...   If my body needs qty - then it gets it  - but my brain will dictate the type of food and quality... 

Eating carbs makes the control unmanageable for me... plus it makes my pouch insensitive the the food volume.  Same if I drink alcohol ... or if I have to take strong pain pills...

I am addressing the resurgent of old eating behaviors.  I'm only 14 months out, but about 2 months ago, I was really worried about regain, because I felt that after getting to goal, I was having to spend too much energy forcing myself not to eat, just like in the old days, and eventually I would slip and back the pounds would come.

It was recommended that I try Mindfulness Training - I even found a course in Mindful Eating(one night a week for 6 weeks).  It is making a huge difference in helping me deal with this first transition from post-WLS to maintenance.  Mindfulness Training teaches you how to slow your mind down, along with your eating, and to separate hunger from emotional eating.  Ideally, it takes a 1+ hr time commitment per day, but you do what you can.  When you meet with your counselor, it may be something to mention. 

The Mindful Eating course I am taking is based on the work of Judson Brewer, MD, at Yale.  I highly recommend it for helping with the head-training part of weight loss and maintenance.

I just picked up Mindful Eating by Jan Chozen Bays. I'm excited to get into it.  

I'm not familiar with it - but my programs has exercises and meditations to listen to.   If there are any by your author, I would recommend getting them... Good Luck, please let me know how it works for you.