Family and Dr not on board with surgery, am I doing the right thing? Need support.

Ok, I know that asking if WLS is right for me on this site is probably going to get some biased responses, but I'm so frustrated and I need to vent. 

I have been overweight my whole life. I can think of maybe one year of high school and one year in my 30's where I wasn't considered ridiculously overweight and I was still chunky. Diets? You name it, I've tried it: medifast, cleanses, lipo-vite injections, B12 injections, paleo, atkins, good old fashioned calorie counting, countless gym memberships, personal trainers. 

I have been successful in losing weight but I can never keep it off and once I start gaining, it's like I literally go big, there's no half-assing it with my body (excuse the language). I was able to drop 127 pounds the year after I had my son but gained 80 of it back and for the life of me I cannot replicate those results again. I'm so frustrated. 

I also have hypothyroidism and PCOS. 

I approached my doctor about WLS (she's all about holistic health) and discussed it with my aunt, a nurse, and my cousin, a nurse practitioner. They are staunchly against my decision and want me to try more cleanses and more medications. I'm so emotionally exhausted with spending money on things that don't work.

Am I being lazy and giving in too early, or have I tried just as many things and just as long as the average person who gets surgery? I'm so frustrated and wish they'd just trust that I am educated. They keep telling me it will never work to solve my issues with food. I understand it will be work and it isn't a quick fix, but I feel like seeing faster rewards (losing the weight) for engaging in healthy eating and calorie restriction will encourage healthier habits and overeating or indulging in unhealthy foods will be punished quickly (dumping syndrome, ect).

Sorry so long. Thanks for reading. Any insight will be appreciated.

Well, for me, it was about looking at the stats and the truth about myself.

I could (and did) lose weight on diets ... But always regained the weight lost plus more.

I was on target to gain about 15-20 pounds per year .... 

i needed a 'boost', I needed to get a tool that would work with me while age, menopause and life were working against me.

I have had to work at losing .. And even more at maintaining my weight loss ... The difference this time is that my tool helps turn a small amount of food into 'enough'.

My WLS was just one tool.  I also joined an on-line OA group and I went to Weigh****chers ... I thought of it as a three prong approach .... WLS was physical, OA was spiritual and WW was emotional support.

It takes what it takes ... What I know for sure is that people who have not been morbidly obese for years cannot really understand what it is like to diet and lose significant weight ... And then have that weight creep back ... Repeatedly .. They have no clue the toll that takes on us .... Afain, physically, spiritually and emotionally.

Thank your friends and family for their concern and opinions ... And live YOUR life and decide what is best for You!

The spiritual support is a good idea and something I hadn't thought of. Do you find that your triple attack so to speak has helped you maintain weight loss and be successful? Are you happy? Sorry if that's personal, I just like to ask people who have actually been through the surgery and are now living life as a post-op patient. Thank you for your reply. ;-)

Yes, I am happy ... I am 57 years old ... Had surgery almost 7 years ago.

In the years since, I have celebrated each year with an 'active' vacation .... Walking tour of Montreal (100 miles in a week), hike down and up the Grand Canyon, hiking in Germany, Austria and the Swiss Alps, hiking the Camino de Santiago in Spain (200 km/ 130 miles in 12 days).

I could barely walk around the block to get my mail before my surgery.

I did stop going to WW about 2 years ago .. Saturday morning meetings ..... And in the past 2 years I did re-gain about 40 pounds ..... I have taken off 25 of that in thelast 3 months and am back with my butt in the seat ... Being accountable.  Showing up.  Getting and giving support.

I can't wait to get back to my Lifetime member in good standing status.

Now, believe it or not, my husband and I (who endured years of infertility) are becoming certified to be licensed foster parents ... And at the ages of 57 and 59 we are preparing to take in toddlers and give them a helping hand.

The adventure continues!!!!

Of course you'll get a lot of biased responses, but that doesn't mean they wrong. LOL

There are so many of us who have traveled the Every.Diet.Under.The.Sun route. I truly believe that all that yo-yoing damaged my metabolism. My PCP is also holistic and he recommended WLS after seeing how three years under his care didn't help. I don't think it was a lack of skill on his part: I was beyond medical means. Not only did he support my WLS, he educated himself on the DS, my surgery of choice. My follow up labs have been excellent due to his knowledge and support.

I'm sorry, but being a nurse or nurse practitioner does not make one an expert. I'll take the position that they mean well. Even so, it is your body and your decision. You mentioned some co-morbid conditions. That was a big factor in my decision. Happily, all of mine resolved except for my osteoarthritis. The only solution for bone-on-bone for my left knee was total replacement. (Which my surgeon refused to do until I lost weight. Yes, I could have chosen another ortho doc, yet his reasoning made sense.)

As far as issues with food, WLS surgery isn't a cure all. I don't think all our issues can be resolved with surgery. I am a poster child for psychotherapy; it was after intense examination of myself with the aid of a counselor that also contributed to my success.

Now for my two cents worth about your nay-sayers. Keep them out of the loop until you are 100% sure of your decision, whatever it may be. You are the one who has to live with your body and health. As much as they may love you, it really isn't any of their business. If you are able to go to a WLS surgery support group, it may be a big help. You'll get some wonderful support here, and in person meet ups can be beneficial as well.

My best wishes for you as you research your options. I'll bet you weren't expecting a long reply. Some things can't be boiled down, at least if I'm talking.

LOL, long replies are ok. I appreciate them. I take this decision seriously. I have been attending the post op support group meetings even though I'm not post op. Just bc I want to hear what the people who have actually gone through surgery have to say. They have been a huge help and not a single one regrets the decision they made. 

Now....if I can just keep myself off the regrets and complications boards......nervous nelly...that I am.

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement.

Complication can happen. Long term side effects can happen. Be prepare for that.  They happened to me.  

do I think WLS is a good idea?  if I knew then what I know now - I would never had RNY , but I either would travel to have VSG or wait 2 years for my doc.  

But- what's done is done.  I have RNY and I am deal with the issues.  Plus - I 'll never know if my issues are 100% related to RNY or ...they would have surfaced regardless because I was obese or MO most of my life, plus my age... 

so I take the good out of it.. (size 6-8) , and deal with the others...

some issues surface for me long term post op are:

food allergies and intolerance, adrenal insufficiency, low iron, skin issues, SIBO, IBS-C, hemorrhoids....

 and with back problem.... and arthritis...  even small qty of NSAIDs.. cause severe reaction in my pouch and remnant stomach... 

I'm not sure that you have done enough research about what WLS can and cannot do.  Without all the facts, we all find it difficult to weigh (no pun intended) the pros and cons. I would recommend watching

http://drmatthewweiner.com/should-i-have-a-weight-loss-surge ry-procedure/

This is the best video that I have found that explains this.  Thus guy was not my doctor, but his info is on-target and well-researched.  No, I am not getting a kick-back, but his stuff his so organized and condensed that I do recommend it and use it often myself.

On average - a person takes off 65-75% of their Excess Body Weight and keeps of 50% of the excess body weight at the 5 year mark.   You do NOT have to be average - you can be BETTER than average.  And if we are ALL better than average - then the average moves and we all win!!!!!

This breaks down a little further for data from a few years ago:

~20-25% have gained it all back at the 5 year mark. 

~50% have kept at least 50 pounds off

~20-25% get and stay close to their ideal weights

You decide what group you are in by your effort and persistence - your willingness to follow directions, deal with emotional and physical issues as they crop up, etc, will determine your long term results. 

When I watch Dr Weiner's video, it is clear that my diet history would predict very little chance of success outside of surgery.  With conventional dieting, only 3-5% of people who lose significant weight can keep it off for 5 years.  I cannot image what your cleanse or program your Family doctor can possibly we talking about that offers and realistic chance of success. 

Best wishes for your journey. (If you find the facts presented by Dr Weiner to be helpful, go ahead and watch the next few about choosing which WLS is right for you)

It seems to me,  you have your head in the right place for weight loss surgery.  It isn't a quick fix. Oh, you'll lose weight fast,  but it's the keeping it off is what's important.  I'm 6 month post op and have lost a lot of weight. I'm currently working on my head and learning to overcome my eating disorder and find a better way to cope with stress. 

My primary doctor was all for weight loss surgery because I had type 2 diabetes that was out of control. Since surgery I am off all medications and my diabetes is in remission. 

Please do not let them deter you.  Do more research,  talk to more people who have had surgery. Ultimately,  only you can decide what is right for you.  

I don't think wls surgery is the lazy way.. there is nothing easy about it.

They are correct in that it won't solve your issues with food.. that's in your head and no surgery can fix that, the surgery is a tool to help you but you have to do your part to be successful. 

Dumping doesn't happen to everyone so counting on that happening as a punishment to help you keep on track isn't realistic.

Restriction depends on what you eat, so while you can depend on that to a certain extent.. it depends what you're eating whether or not you will feel that restriction.

While it chapped my ass having to do the 6 month supervised diet, it turned out to be a blessing.. I learned a lot of about my relationship to food, how to correct it, things to keep busy, mindful eating and healthier eating habits. 

Would taking them to a few visits or support meetings will help ease their minds?

Good Luck :)