Knowing is only half the battle

I too tend to be rather "aware" of what I do and most of the time why. 

But I still struggled with my food and my weight. I found the best solution in Overeaters Anonymous. Honestly, if you really truly want a workable solution, check it out. My life has changed completely - not just my food issues. I have so much peace and serenity around food that it's beyond my comprehension at this point. If you want to know more, check out my blog or send me a PM. 

I went to one meeting a few weeks ago but haven't gone back.  I liked it,  I felt a sense of belonging,  but honestly I'm finding it hard to fit it into my life.  I know there are online meetings, and that could be a better option.  

My husband travels frequently for business and working full time with a toddler and a teenager its hard to find time for much of anything for myself. 

I've had to make some sacrifices to fit it in my life, and honestly, I'd be willing to sacrifice a whole hell of a lot more in light of the miracles I'm seeing in my life. There's nothing in my life that's better than the peace and serenity I have around food for the first time in my entire life. If you really can't make meetings, I'd suggest getting literature and work books and listening to podcasts. I'd recommend maybe a few meetings till you find a sponsor if you're up for that since that's one of the most beneficial parts of the program. 

The teenager can watch the toddler. Or find another babysitter. Making time for myself is probably the main reason I have successfully kept off my weight. I am a better mother when I take care of myself first.

I could have written this.

I thought seeing an eating disorder therapist would be the solution to my disordered eating.  Nope.  She's given me several ideas of things to try when I feel the compulsive need to eat.  Will I do them?  A few.

I repeat these same words constantly:  "I KNOW what I need to do.  WHY can't I stick to it?"  Will this obsession with food ever go away? I don't believe so.  All I can do is try to control the monster a little bit better than I have in the past.

Like you, I quit smoking cold turkey years ago.  It wasn't a problem, albeit it was the third time I quit.  But quit I did and for good.

Food is a different beast.  We recently went to dinner with another couple and I ordered a plate of half beef shwarma, half chicken shwarma.  The other female commented that I like to sample everything.  Yes, she's right.  I'm still afraid of missing out on that perfect bite.

I feel you, Deanna.  Sometimes venting is all we can muster.

You are 6 months out right?  Maybe you are in that burnout place?  I had that at 6 months post-op or so.  A sort of ambiguous place where I was happy with what I'd lost, but the road ahead looked a bit long and boring.  You get into food ruts and routines and it is hard to be as gung-ho as before.

It's a good thing you are aware of your food addiction.  Once you've lost the weight (and you strike me as someone who will get to goal) you will realise even more that it is ALL in your head and that the real test begins at goal.  Maintenance is a ***** for a reason.  

Eliminate triggers as best you can.  And when you cave- be strong enough to get right back in the game.  Elina - the VSG Qween of all Qweens who no longer posts here and was a bit of a PITA, but I digress - she was known to say " Discipline is remembering what it is that you want".  I have this written in huge bold letters on my chalk board painted kitchen wall.  I read it countless times during any given day.  It helps me stay focused and to keep my eyes on the prize.  The prize being my overall health and pride in my continued success at beating back by food addiction one day at a time. 

Hang in there - it's tough but worth the effort.

I'm mostly in the same boat as you. I can't abstain from ALL food. But I can abstain from trigger foods. Things that would just drive me crazy, looking for more. Some things I can eat healthy quantities of, others I just can't.

The other thing that really helps me is tracking. If I go off the rails a bit, I can get back on track by cutting back the following days to balance the books. If I wasn't tracking, it would be a lot harder. How many times have each of us THOUGHT we were eating very little, when in reality we weren't?

Knowing is half the battle. The people I don't understand are those that post yhey are x years out, regaining, and don't know what to do. Really? It's a very simple plan. I don't see how the concept could be any simpler. Doing it is really, really hard. But the plan itself seems hard to forget.

That is why I don't actually see myself failing,  just in this endless struggle.  I can't forget and walk away,  it's like once you see something,  you can't unsee it.

I keep finding different trigger foods, and banning them from the house.  My problem seems to be popcorn and any type of crispy cracker. 

We found a great recipe for a sunflower seed cheese cracker.  They are literally sunflower seeds and cheese whizzed up in the food processor and then baked.  They taste an awful lot like cheese-its.  Happy to share the recipe if you want to give them a try.

If I can stop myself for a moment and remind myself that whatever I am looking for in that bite/handful/random sample of food isn't there, I can usually get a handle on it. I have to tell myself it's food: it won't solve my problems. It's tasty and I like it, but eating isn't going to make me happy. Usually indulging has just the opposite effect for me.