Knowing is only half the battle

My therapist tells me I am one of the most self-aware client that she has met. I KNOW what my problems are, I think about things, I analyze myself constantly and I KNOW.

This makes food addiction sort of a pain in the ass. I KNOW my problem, I'm completely aware of it and I'm still struggling. How do I change this? It's so weird, like a compulsion. I've kicked addictions in the past, but I've done it by going cold turkey. I quit smoking by just staying away from it, but food... I can't stay away from food. I mean, I do need to eat. I don't allow people to smoke in my house, but I honestly can't ban all food and carbs from my house. it's just not realistic.

I guess I'm asking for an asnwer that no one will be able to really give me, so maybe this post is more just to get my frustrations out. I'm struggling with this stupid problem, I'm here everyday, submersing myself in a community that understands the problem, but I feel like it's going to be a never ending battle. At least with quitting smoking I am now able to say I don't smoke, and after 4 years there is no danger of falling back into the habit. Will I ever get there with this struggle with food?

i'm feeling discouraged and down on myself for eating 300 calories worth of Cheese-Its last night. I'm not going to stop fighting, I'm not giving up, but I feel like I'm running into the same wall over and over again. I had a few hiccups within the first few months, but the farther out I get from surgery the hiccups are getting more frequent with less time between them.

I CHOSE to do it. What is wrong with my brain? I've fought so hard, I've lost over 100lbs, I KNOW what I need to do, but I made the choice.

by the way, I love cheese-its.  cheese it's are officially banned from my house.  Sorry boys.

For the first years I found high protein low carb substitutes for the things that tempted me.  You can buy cheesy protein chips or you can make baked cheese crisps in the microwave.  I lay a slice of American cheese on a sheet of parchment paper and nuke for about a minute or until it turns crisp.

Those kind of things are no longer tempting to me, but I also never let them into my house.

Totally agree with knowing is half the battle. It's like standing on the tracks when a train is coming towards you. You know if you continue to stand there you'll get run over, but where to turn? Left, right?, indecision is a killer.

All I can say is that the battle is ongoing, having strategies in place to handle the next Cheese itz episode will help, but face it, every now & then you give in & its normal, but don't let it get you down, pick yourself up & learn from it. Just the fact you had a 300 hundred calorie Cheese it affair & not a 3 thousand calorie one is progress. One step at a time right?, right! Keep it movin! 

I've learned to say "I know this is not rational, maybe it's not right, but it's THERE." (Comes in handy with bipolar, which is WAY illogical.) Doesn't make it any easier to address it, though.

I do believe that if you've kicked other addictions to the curb that your chances of successfully dealing with your food issues are better than average :-). Trickier yes, but you can abstain from whatever type of food leads to you getting out of control.  A tough decision I realize, but if you want to conquer this, it may be necessary to take that approach, at least for now.  

I was obsessing for 2-3 years. 

Now I am in a skinny girls land... I am good 90%of the time and the rest just happens. 

If I gain 5 lbs - I panic, reset and lose that.  Then I ...gain again... And panic, reset... Etc.. Like my skinny girlfriends are doing....

I am on vacation this week.. Sure I rate mostly proteins... But I also had some wine and chocolate cake (not a lot). 

I was active, but I relaxed more than exercises. Most of time I don't eat Crap because it hurts when I do.  

Once I get home (tomorrow) I would wait a day or 2 , then step on scale to see what I need to do. 

Why wait a day or 2? Becuase I will be traveling for 16 hours, redeye, so I may get inflamation going and I don't want to panic when no panic is required... (i retain fluids when I travel) 

But it took me 5 years to get where I am now.  Take time. Measure and weigh things. And stay away from crap... 

Hala - I love you for saying not to weigh yourself and go all crazy when you know the scale will reflect fluid retention from sitting for so long, etc.  I am a numbers person so I weigh once/twice a week, and if I blow it, I will wait a day or two before assessing the damage,  and I am being  very good girl during those days.

Welcome back from vacation!

You wrote: " I KNOW what my problems are, I think about things, I analyze myself constantly and I KNOW. This makes food addiction sort of a pain in the ass. I KNOW my problem, I'm completely aware of it and I'm still struggling."

Ok so you know all this about you-- so I ask you WHY is it like this? You know the path ahead if you 'fail'; it will likely mirror your life pre-op, if not be worse.  What do you fear in succeeding? Or is it that you can't imagine succeeding (I SO get that!!) But even with a hiccup of cheese-its-- you are succeeding with every other good choice you make. Success and failure devilish words I tell ya-- sometimes I prefer to just "get-by". 

I think looking towards the same results you did with smoking (cold turkey- no desire for it) it comparing apples to oranges. I think once you kick smoking you view it as gross smelling/tasting etc. Not the same with food-- it still tastes great and makes you feel good! Recovering Alcoholics are still alcoholics who struggle lots I'm sure-- and drinks taste good too (not to me though.)

Just my two cents.

Johari's window tells us it is not possible to be all knowing about yourself. There is a part of everyone known as "the unknown". Like could you kill someone if you had to etc... There are many things about ourselves that only those who know us know. We do not. I think your therapist was telling you what you need to hear.

It is impossible to be so self aware AND simultaneously so confused. I avoid carbs like the death that they are. because I'm concerned with the confusion they bring. Not the calories. I feel bad for you to struggle like this. I hope that stupid magic 100 pounds lost does not make it hard for you to continue. I speak out of concern.

Not confused,  frustrated more than confused.