Relationship with food. A love/hate thing???

I was talking to a friend today (she's this cute little, skinny, active, healthy gal) and we were talking about relationships to food for ourselves and with friends.  When I think about getting together with friends, I always think, "Let's go out to dinner and we can talk and it will be great!"  She said she always thinks, "Let's go for a hike or go on a bike ride."  I have been thinking about my relationship with food a lot since finally deciding to have surgery, well to be honest, I have thought about my relationship with food for a long time, i.e. I have always loved my relationship with food, which is why I weigh what I do right now.

How do you change that mindset?  How do I learn to eat to live and not live to eat?

It will be easier after surgery.  Eating will not be a pleasant experience for quite awhile.  You will actually lose interest in food.  I know you probably don't believe that, but it's true.  Use that time to re-learn how to feed your body and practice new habits.

The real challenge is to not let food regain that old power over you.  The further out you get from surgery, the harder it is to keep old habits at bay.  Making the commitment to change how you celebrate and how you cope with stress and boredom.  Recognizing the habits that lead you to obesity and correcting them will be your full time job.  Changing old habits requires a lot of practice.  You have to have a detailed plan with activities you can do to fall back on when you feel like turning to food.  Keep yourself busy. 

Thanks Rocky.

Good advice.  How did you work with your family and friends to learn new habits?  I will be re-learning habits while surrounded by my family who will still be in the same mode they were always in.  And  darn that government, they expect me to feed my children...  What is up with that?  I have worries, that I am not going to feel hungry, ergo don't want to eat, ergo don't want to cook, ergo I can see myself cooking chicken nuggets for my daughter or telling her to go fix herself something and perpetuating the cycle of unhealthy eating habits or eat the nuggets myself.  Oh isn't life wonderful, all full of "what ifs?"  I guess I need to prepare in advance for situations so that I have pre-arranged reactions.

Rocky sums it up well.

One of the things that is really useful is to distinguish between physical hunger -- your body's need for food -- and head hunger, your emotional desire to eat. It's hard, but a necessary skill.

Sometimes, it's just bad habits. Almost all your habits will be in shambles after surgery, so it's a good chance to change your approach to eating. Not eating in the car, not eating in front of the tv, etc.

Most people refer to the 6 months or year after surgery as the honeymoon period. This is your best chance for changing your relationship with food. Take the best advatage of it that you can.

I love what you said about habits, i.e. eating in the car and in front of the TV.  This prompted a discussion between me and my husband.  We both agree that what you mostly do in the car is snack or eat fast food, so that seems like a no brainer. Cut that out! Well makes sense anyway, but putting it into action will be the next step.

Now the TV thing was a bit of a heated debate.  He said he could see not snacking in front of the TV, but eating dinner while watching TV was different and should be ok.  We were talking about associating eating with sitting at the table, for example.  I cannot see myself grabbing a candy bar or another treat and just sitting at the table to eat it when there are other things I want to do, even if it is watching TV.  So maybe that is a solution.

Sadly we are a society of multi-taskers.  I think sometimes I eat because I need something to do with my hands and mouth.  I will ask you the same thing I asked Rocky, how do you get your family and friends on board?

Love this question & insightful observation, kristy.  My swim coach tells me it takes 17 days for your brain to rewire itself, and like the other posters have said, that time post surgery is perfect for creating new habits/relationships.

This is what everyone refers to as part of your journey.  The real trick comes when you are more than two years out and to remember where you came from & where you are going. This may also be why many of us grow out of friendship with some old friends because the playing field is different.

I'd hang on to that cute skinny friend for a while - she's got some rad ideas!

Did you outgrow a lot of your friends?  And I will hang on to her.  I hope to be the one she asks to go hiking.  Or enter a bike race with her.

Not so much "outgrow" as find that the activities we would engage in weren't holding as much interest for me, i.e. an afternoon out centered around lunch or some other eating activity.

Be prepared for some pull back from your buddies as you loose weight.  It usually boils down to them loosing their "fat" friend - so they aren't the only "skinny" gals in the pack.  There have been a number of posts on here from people, typically woman under 35, who can't figure out why the dynamics within their group are changing in a negative way.  As they loose weight and refocus interests and lifestyle choises from eating/drinking to healty activities and non-eating pasttimes. 

For me it has been one step at a time and one day at a time. After your surgery you will not be as interested in food and other things come into mind, like going for a walk with friends. Somehow food is not as important and the idea of going out to eat isn't so enticing. Can't eat much, isn't the kind of food you need or even want. It is a gradual change that leads to lifelong change if you want it to.

It is hard for all of us but easier when we have the tool to help.

Good luck.

I am such a newbie, I am sure you have all had these conversations numerous times, so thank you for sharing.  

How do you handle eating out or eating around others in general?  I have been working on a pre-op diet plan and at work I have found my invitations to join people at the cafeteria have dwindled.  I don't think it is conscious thing, but I wonder the reason behind this phenomenon:

• I won't want to go with them for lunch, so they don't ask.
• I am not fun to be around because I am drinking a protein shake
• I make them feel bad/guilty because they aren't eating like I am
• All of the above and/or any number of other reasons

P.S. my kids often remind me that not everything is about me-so I may be potentially out in left field with my thinking. 

P.P.S. I am not easily offended, so bring on the advice!