HELP! Cold feet...

My surgery is scheduled for 11/30 and up until this weekend I have been very excited. Now I am getting flat out scared! I have done my research but now new things are starting to creep into my head. Like, how long does someone live after they have this surgery? Am I shortening my life even shorter then if I stayed obesed? I want to live and that is why I started this journey. I am scared to die (like everyone else I imagine). I don't want to leave my family. I am terrified of being put to sleep and possibly never waking up. I have nightmares about what it would do to my young children. The "what ifs" are driving my crazy. How do I get over this? I know second thoughts are normal, but I feel like I am in 5th and 6th thoughts. I hate it when people tell me that everything is going to be alright, because how do they know? Mistakes/complications happen all the time. I don't know what anyone can do to calm my ruffled nerves, but I thought I would share my feelings any way in hopes that by getting it all out it would help.

Only advice I can give you is to stay busy. Clean house, go shopping, go to movies, write letters, anything to keep your mind of it as much as possible. We all have these fears so you are completely normal. Just try to relax.

As you already mentioned we don't know that everything will be ok. But I do truelly & honestly beleive that if God brought you to it he will bring you THROUGH it. Have faith remember that he is with you every step of the way holding your hand. I too have similar doubts but I keep repeating that same phrase to myself sometimes out loud just to make it sink in. God is with you & all of us that are going through this Journey. I know there have been some people that have had complications but just think & remind your self if they did not make it was their time to go. If it had not been about the WLS their deaths would have been about something else. I truelly beleive that. When someone dies it's because that was their time & it would have happened one way or another. Good Luck & keep up your faith. Remember he loves you. I'll be praying for you as well as for all going through the same journey no matter where on their trip they are. Laura M.

Jeanette, Not sure if I can calm your nerves, but I can tell you that your fears and emotional ups and downs are normal. You still have over a week and may find yourself being excited, then scared again before the day even comes. I was the same way and I have 2 little ones, so I totally understand your fear of leaving them without a mother. I was excited about the surgery and confident in my surgeon and in my research, but I still considered cancelling THAT DAY, so you're not alone. As for life expectancy - this surgery is meant to rid you of the co-morbidities and give you a longer life, not shorten your life expectancy. Someone once asked, how many OLD FAT people do you see?

Dear Jeanette, It's time to put your fears away, there is no place for fear when facing the upcoming surgery. Who is to say you won't get hit by a bus when crossing a busy street. There is probably more chance of that, than dying during surgery. This sugery, let's call it "life changing surgery" will be the beginning of a whole new life for you and will help you in so many ways you won't even begin to realize until you're there. I had surgery in March of 2005 and I never had any surgery fears, I just generally don't worry about things like that because you're dealing with trained professionals that know there job or they wouldn't be working with you. Your job is to stay positive and to make sure you let your nurses know when you need pain meds afterwards. Don't be a hero after surgery, ask for medication when you need it as it will only help you heal faster and will essentially help you get back on your feet to begin your new life all that much quicker. My self image has changed so much in the past few months and I don't have the issues with food that I initially thought I would. Yes, it's a life style change, but in some ways it was so much easier than I ever thought it would be. I like the new me, I wasn't very fond of the old me. Now I go to my kids' sporting events and don't feel like I stick out in the crowd, I blend in with the other Moms. Running to the top of the bleachers isn't something I dread anymore. I can't wait to make snowmen with my boys this winter because I'll be able to chuck snowballs at them like they did to me last year. Stop with the fear, there is no place for it. Think positive thoughts and think about your future with your family and kids and how much more enjoyable it will be with them since you will not only be there, you'll be part of it instead of watching from the sidelines. Take this step Jeannette, it's well worth it and I don't think you'll ever regret making this decision. Good Luck tomorrow. Pam

HI, Jeannette, I'm 1 week post-op and believe me, with a homeschooled 7 yr. old son and the most adorable 3 yr. old daughter you'd ever seen, I can completely relate! For me, it really had so much to do with leaving the children. I knew that if I died my hubby would go on and my mother-in-law, close to retirement, would move in and help raise the kids. It was just the LEAVING that was impossible to fathom. What would they think, how would they deal with it, etc. etc. My action plan was to make a video letter talking directly to the children, telling them why I was doing this, showing them on the video some of the before and after pics on this website so they could see me as I was and imagine the life I was aiming for. Of course, this project took some time to plan out and in the end it kept me focused on preparing the kids for the worst and that kept me sane and focused me on the best, which prepared me for my surgery date. I lost my jitters until the day of, and by then, it was too late to totally flip out anyway! Of course, I came out of surgery just fine without any complications. Other than the gas pain and a little constipation, I've been fine and just today (only 1 week out) I feel pretty darn good, a bit more energetic and have asked hubby if he'll take me to the quilt store! Welll, I feel you and I hope this helps. Best bet--find something to focus on these last few days. Blessings, Teresa "Quiltin Wilson"

I know exactly how you are feeling. My surgery date is Dec. 5th & I'm feeling the same way. Just know that you're not alone right now & I suspect that we're not the only ones who have felt this way. I have 2 year old twin girls & a 7 year old son & I get so upset thinking about them potentially being mother-less. On the other hand, I know that my health & well-being can drastically improve by having this surgery & it'll help me be around for them later on in life. Good luck & my prayers & thoughts are w/you. -Sabra

You know what, Jeanette? If you didn't have concerns about having major surgery you wouldn't be a normal human being. This surgery like any other has risks. Some people have complications and a few even die. On the other hand, the majority of peope who have WSL with competent surgeons and good aftercare do very well. For me, there wasn't really any other choice. I'd been trying to lose weight without long term success since I was 10 years old. I was at the point where I felt like if I died on the operating table at least I wouldn't be miserable anymore. Having this surgery literally saved my life. This is a HUGE life altering decision. I wouldn't tell anybody to have it or not to have it. Some questions you might want to consider... What is the quality of your life like right now? How is your health and how do you feel physically? How do you feel about yourself? Do you think that you have it within you to lose the weight without the surgery? Do you believe you have chosen a good surgeon and hospital? Do you have all of the information you need about proper nutrition and what you will be expected to do in order to be a successful post op? Are you willing to commit to the lifelong changes you will have to make? God bless you and whatever you eventually decide to do, I hope you will be at peace with the decision you make. Sue ZQ

SOme things happened in my family life several years ago that made me realize that life doesn't have a set of givens, that we don't know what tomorrow or the next day, much less the next 10,20, or 30years will bring. It was a hard lesson, but a valuable one. I realized how little control I had over my destiny or future, or that of my family. The experiences didn't make me fearful of the future, nor did they make me stop living. Quite the contrary. They made me believe that today is the most valuable day of all, this day, this moment. I had my grandson for the weekend and due to teething pain, he didn't sleep well all 3 nights. I spent many hours rocking and comforting him, hours I normally would have been sleeping. But I embraced those moments for what they were--the present time, and how precious those hours were. I hope for many more days and years of him in my life and I in his, but since I don't know the future, I won't complain about being tired today. We can read the headlines every day and discover once again that life is more fragile than we'd ever imagined, more unjust, more unfair, more unplanned. There are great joys and great tragedies. It is all part of the human experience. About our life span after WLS. Yes, WLS is major surgery, but I did view it as necessary to improve my health, with a hope of living a much longer life than my then-current blood pressure would have dictated. Yes, I didn't have young children at home any more, but I had commitments to family that would definitely make life easier and happier for all of them if I was there. A long time friend, Janelle, had WLS 23 years ago, when it was a somewhat barbaric procedure compared to today's advances in the procedure. She's now in her 60's, maintaining a healthy weight and a healthy lifestyle--through her own efforts [and this is important to note] more than the surgery after this long period of time--and has never regretted her decision. Her story is on our shared surgeon's website. No one can give you the assurance or comfort you want; none of us know tomorrow's agenda for ourselves much less anyone else. This is a very difficult decision that you need to make in counsel with your physician and surgeon, and hopefully with support from your family. It is not unusual at all to conjur up these concerns so close to surgery--no matter what surgery you faced on the 30th, it's so likely that you'd experience the same fears. My thoughts and prayers are with you for a wonderful outcome, no matter what you decide to do. Ann 33 months postop.

Its hard to say why it happened to me---But I was more at calm than I have ever been in my life with this surgery---I had never experienced anything like it----So take a moment and think of things in a different light----Instead of being afraid of dying---which is what you are doing now---Think about how this is going to give you a new lease on life--a new chance---to grow and experience life to its fullest---to raise your children--to be active in their lives--their schools---how things are going to get less complicated in life when you lose weight---So many wonderful postive things are going to happen---think of those things for a moment----and NOW--think about without this life saving surgery---Say you didn't have it---Think of what life would be like then---I had gotten to the point that life was painful in every aspect--I truly had a hard time making it one day to the next--but I kept pushing myself---because I have four children and a spouse--and am the main money maker etc----There was no choice ---but I was dying inside--and the uncertainity of my future was unsettleing---When I finally got my surgery date--a peace came over me---I was gonna live---flourish--and see my children grow up--and become a grandma and so on---Take one day at a time---and know that life so far has not been a piece of cake(although we ate plenty). You will make it---and you will flourish and grow---and life takes on so many more meanings. When a negative thought comes to your head----Think again and I know you will see a positive. Best wishes to you and we will all be thinking about you on your most important day coming up! Lisa 3/15/05 -127 lbs gone forever!