Gather 'round, everybody, it's confession time!

One year post-op, life was great. No more CPAP, no more blood pressure meds, and I rode 40 miles in the big city bike race. I got my IUD out and was pregnant within 3 weeks. No complications with my pregnancy, and I had a beautiful little boy on Halloween.

Best little NSV ever!

Problem was, my eating absolutely careened off track. First trimester, I never barfed but I was totally queasy 24/7. With the permission of my OB and surgeon, I went from 1200 cal on maintenance to 1800. The only thing I could keep down were little gingersnaps and peanut butter sandwiches, which I was approved for, in moderation. And if there was something I really wanted? I could have it, in moderation. The important thing was having a healthy baby, weight could come off later, so just eat "normally," in moderation.

I couldn't ride my bike due to the fall risk-- my uncoordination is legendary. I cancelled my gym membership at the end of my first trimester, because my body hurt all over and my back became increasingly screwed up. Drinking anything made me queasy, no matter what flavor or temperature, so that got put aside as well. I would wake up starving in the middle of the night, craving raisin bran, so I had some. All 4 times I woke up to pee between 11 and 6. Just as everyone says, carbs go down easy and I felt like a bottomless pit.

Snickers bar? Had one. Ice cream? Yup. Pizza when Husband wanted to unwind after a long work week? Hell yes, and a breadstick too. Cookies? Yup, ate an entire package of peanut butter oreos over the course of two days and hid the evidence in my car so Husband wouldn't notice. 

Fail!

Should be simple enough, right? "Oh, I'll just get back on track when the baby gets here. No problem!"

Don't I wish.

10 weeks postpartum and I'm struggling. All of the mindsets that got me to 285+ lb are still there.

• I'm so exhausted, I don't have time to eat anything healthy.
  
  
• I survived [a sleepless night / an exploding diaper / crying at the grocery store / etc.], I deserve a treat.
  
  
• I'm breastfeeding and burning SO many calories, I can get away with eating this.

And worst of all? I'll be better tomorrow. I've said it every day for weeks, just like I did for YEARS before having surgery.

Yup.

My stomach may hold less, but I can work around it if I want. Or if I don't pay attention. Or if I get complacent. Or if I don't feel like I deserve to get (back) to a healthy weight. Or, or, or.

This is how regain happens, people. We're not somehow immune because we had surgery, we get to a size we want, or someone tells us we look good.

Nope.

The answer is simple: do what we did immediately post-op.

• Pay attention and don't waste the opportunity.
  
  
• Protein first, lots of water, no carbs or junk.
  
  
• Move your butt when you can.
  
  
• Remember what contributed to obesity in the first place.

It's 100% possible to **** things up. But it's also 100% possible to fix it if you get your head on straight. Surgery is a tool, not a cure. It won't do the work for you, especially if you work against it. But it's possible to get back on track too.

I've learned the lesson the hard way. Maybe you have too. Or maybe you're wondering if you'll avoid learning it entirely. All I can say is that it happens, but it doesn't have to, and if it does, it's not too late.

Awesome post.  I'm 5.5 month post op and still losing.  I keep telling myself I'll never eat the way I used to,  but I NEED the reminders from those who have come before.  The been there,  done that who have struggled.  I need you guys in my face every day reminding, warning.  

I hope you push through and pull it together,  I hate to see anyone struggle. 

 But thank you for being open and honest.  I need this reminder,  and maybe your struggle can keep me from going down the same path. 

Thanks Julie. It took courage to put all this out there. 

People that struggle with regain do so for a lot of reasons. But I can't imagine dealing with pregnancy after WLS. That has to be incredibly, incredibly difficult. I can go really low calorie for a while, and it doesn't worry me. But carrying a baby? You just can't do things like that.

I'm confident you'll find a new routine once your schedule gets back in a groove. You know what to do. And if you need a kick in the ass, I've got nice heavy boots.

Great post and sooooo true!!!! We all have to be accountable for our decisions and our mistakes and work to make things right for us.

Good luck to you going forward!

Great post my friend.

Thanks for posting this and being open and honest with all of us.  I'm sure it wasn't easy and I hope it helps you get back on track.  Best of luck to you and congratulations on that cute little bundle of joy!

Great post! Thanks for sharing. People do need to remember that wls is just a tool, a fighting chance, but we can never forget why we needed this tool to begin with, otherwise it'll sit on the shelf, unused & abused.

HI Julie,

I read your post. Please be kind to yourself.  Your body is still going through a lot of hormonal changes. It also takes TIME to lose the pregnancy weight. There is a very disiplined new mother at our gym (super skinny naturally before becoming pregant, displined throughout her pregnancy, and returned to her pre-baby diet and exercise routine as soon as she was allowed) that took A YEAR to lose the baby weight.

Your child is only 10 weeks- are you getting enough sleep?  Losing weight is very difficult from high cortisol levels from increased stressed AND/or lack of sleep.  Please try to rest when you can.

On having no time to cook-have you considered something like "Fit-n-fresh" (one of those programs like "DI**** up!" Or "Let's dish" that send the recipes AND FRESH INGREDIENTS to you?  I know it is spendy..but if you are tired, your child isnt sleeping through the night, and you need some time to rest and/or exercise...this may be a mechanism to get it.

Also-can you return to the gym? Do they have baby sitting?  Can you hubby watch the baby? How about a really happy Grandma? If you cant return to the gym-do you live in a climate that will let you start riding your bike NOW? How about Baby yoga (or mom and me yoga).

Take baby steps in the right direction-do the baby steps consistently and correctly and you will get going in the right direction I am sure!

Babies are huge adjustments. You know what you need to do. Make more adjustments but be kind to yourself.

One last thought: You dont want to teach your boy bad attitudes/habits about food and exercise. Even though it is HARD, try to do the right things. Your child will see it and it WILL be ingrained. 

Remember-to him the world is brand new and super cool. If he can go in a ride in a stroller-pack him up and go! It is time with you, time spent looking and learning about new stuff. FOr you, it may just be another dumb walk...for him it is seeing birds in the sky, and sleeping in the stroller.

:)

I am rooting for you!

I'm really lucky, he sleeps like a champ! He does 6 hours at a time overnight and takes cat-naps during the day. It's still exhausting, but not nearly as bad as during the first month or so.

The gym has childcare, but he needs to be a bit older yet, and he needs to be a year old before he can do a bike trailer. We do take walks sauce he loves the stroller, and I'm going to start trying C25k in the evenings, just doing circles around the neighborhood.

I've started a board on Pinterest with lots of easy meals especially crockpot stuff. Happy Teacher has me inspired to get a pressure cooker, too, so we'll be trying that out. Want to make sure Nolan picks up good habits and eating once he starts real good!

I know I'll be able to take care of things in time. And at least I only have 30ish to lose, I would have gained much more if I didn't have surgery! Just need to keep my head in the game and it'll be OK :)

Step One:  Admit what you have done

Step Two:  Make the changes to correct what you did in Step One

Step Three:  Do Step Two and quit screwing around!!!

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You have always been there when others needed the brutal, honest truth and a swift kick in the behind.  Now it's time for you to do that for yourself!  Get on track for YOU and for that beautiful little baby you have there.  You want to teach him the right way to do things so that he doesn't find himself needing WLS and it is never too early to start!