What's it like after?

I'm nearing my surgery date. I have my last few appointments left and I'm starting to worry about everything that comes after.

I want this surgery very much and really its my only option. And I want a better quality of life. And my weight and not being able to do certain things I feel is unfair to my 6yr old son he doesn't understand and doesn't know that mommy has a problem.

But as I start thinking about everything to come after surgery that things that I'm afraid of are of course over taking all the good that will come from this. My main biggest fear is that once I get down to a healthy weight that I will still be uncomfortable in my body cause of the access skin. I know Ill look fine with clothes on but what's hiding underneath is what truly scares me.

I'm a single parent and have been single for the past 6 years mainly cause of my weight and insecurities about my body. I don't want to be alone forever. And I don't know what man would want someone with all that extra skin. I just don't feel Id be attractive in anyway with all that.

So my questions for ladies that have had a weight loss surgery:

Did you feel this way before surgery as well?

How do you feel about the extra skin? If you even have any to be worried about.

Do you regret getting the surgery?

Was your sex life better or worse after?( I know kinda personal)

Thank you in advance for those of you *****ad this and answer my question.

Have a great day!

You've asked a lot of questions, so I am going to try to answer them one at a time: 

1.  Did you feel this way before surgery as well?   

Well, not as much, I don't think.  I mean, I started at 347 pounds, so I knew there would be extra skin.  In my way of thinking, it isn't like I would be adding skin.  The skin was already there -- just loaded with fat.  The fat was making me unhealthy: I had type 2 diabetes, HBP, sleep apnea, -- skin without fat doesn't cause these life-threatening illnesses.  Additionally, in a completely shallow way, loose skin is far easier to hide than 200 lbs of fat.  

I haven't had any skin removal surgery and if I weren't already happily married to my soul-mate, I am not exaggerating by saying that I could get a date nearly everyday.  I have literally been hit on by men who would have never talked to me before.  You said, "And I don't know what man would want someone with all that extra skin. I just don't feel Id be attractive in anyway with all that."  Do you find a lot of men find obese women attractive?  Do you feel attractive now?  You may want to find a way to deal with your body image before, during and after WLS to address this.

2.  How do you feel about the extra skin? If you even have any to be worried about.  

I don't love my extra skin, but I don't hate it either.  Clearly, when you lose over 200 lbs, you will have extra skin.  It is better than I thought it would be -- and look at it as a badge of honor for the hard work I have taken to get here.  I think I look beautiful and so does my husband.  Other men don't seem turned off either.  But frankly, they don't matter.  I feel good about myself.

3.  Do you regret getting the surgery?  

Not for one minute.

4.  Was your sex life better or worse after?  

I am married to the love of my life.  Our sex life has always been fantastic.  However, honestly, our sex life is a lot better.  I am much more limber and flexible.  We can do far more adventurous things.  I am less self-conscious overall.  My husband can carry me -- pick me up -- and frankly, I sweat less.  LOL.  

WLS doesn't cause excess skin.  Being obese, stretching your skin out, and growing extra skin to hold the fat, then losing the fat...that's what causes excess skin.  If you lose weight, whether through WLS or without WLS, you're likely to have some excess.  How much depends on how old you are, how fat your are, and how long you've been overweight.  Young skin tends to have more ability to rebound, but there are no guarantees.

So, to get to your question, if you're fearful of intimacy because of body issues, you may not lose that fear with weight loss.  Even with plastic surgery, you're still dealing with scars and body issues.  But losing the weight will do wonders for your health!

So my questions for ladies that have had a weight loss surgery:

Did you feel this way before surgery as well?

No I was not concerned about excess skin, or how my husband would have felt about it. IMO true love is seeing people for all their glory AND flaws and loving them despite of. I know he'd love me just the same. And i worked on learning to love myself pre-op-- so that was not an issue for me either. i would encourage you to get counseling now if you can to deal with the insecurities. 

How do you feel about the extra skin? I'm not the least bit concerned with my extra skin. And I have it on my tummy and arms, and thighs to a lesser degree.  I can't afford plastics anyway, but really, and more concerned with putting my family though another major elective surgery with its own set of risks and complications.

Do you regret getting the surgery? Nope.

Was your sex life better or worse after? Its about the same, but I have always enjoyed intimacy with my hubby.  I'm a *little* more confident; but this question is one my hubby would have a better to answer ;-)

Not a woman, but I hope you don't mind me chiming in.  My daughter was 5 when I had my surgery, so around the same age as your son.  I'm so glad for her that I had the surgery.  I wasn't a parent who was able to run around and do much with her before surgery.  Now, we're able to do all sorts of active stuff, and it's great.  Plus, I know that I now give her a positive example to follow.  Since my surgery, she eats better, and is more active, and I know that I'm putting her on a path to better health.  If I wouldn't have made my life changes, I would've been dooming her to the same life of obesity that I had.  

Keep your son in mind, and realize that this is going to be a tremendously positive change for him too.  That alone should make it worth it!

I understand you fears completely.  So I am going to say that while I love my sister switched at birth (that would be Kat W.) she and I differ entirely on some of these issues strangley enough.  

I didn't have any of those fears before surgery, but some of those things literally kicked by ass after. 

1: Intimacy and attractiveness:   I was a people pleaser while obese.  I didn't see myself as beautiful, i saw myself as someone who should be grateful for whatever crumb I could get from whomever was willing to overlook my obesity. I then was unprepared to deal with the amount of attention I got when thin.  This was a huge factor in my gaining weight - I needed the safety barrier that being fat afforded me.  So are there men that find you attractive before surgery?  Yes, I'm sure there are.  And after - there is no doubt.  The bigger question I think is how will that make you feel?  Talking about body image and expectations with a therapist (or here on OH) can only be beneficial in the long term.

2: Extra Skin:  For me it is a big deal.  I hate it. In some ways I feel worse than when I was fat.  It makes me feel a bit like a fraud.  I look great all wrapped up in my skinny jeans, but OH NO, please don't unwrap me!  It has been the biggest part of my struggle.  I thought I'd have a hard time staying on plan, eating small protions etc.  But it is excepting the damage i have done to myself by my lifetime of overeating that is the hardest for me to get over.  My husband thinks I am exaggerating.  He accepts me as I am - fat or thin or in between because he loves me truly.  

I had a very extensive tummy tuck with muscle tightening and skin removal during a multiple hernia repair surgery.  It was necessary and covered by my medical plan.  It was also complicated and I have very mixed feelings about the results.  Laura in Texas, a vet here on OH has likened Plastic surgery to painting your house.  Once you paint one room, the others need to be refreshed too!  Having a flat, tight tummy, but melted candle thighs and bat wings is disconcerting.  The weight does redistribute over time and I look better today than I did 6 months after plastics.  But it is a head game for me personally.

3. Regrets? - NOT ONE.  I would do it all over and over again if I had to.  My revision to RNY is the very best thing I have ever done for myself and my family.  My three boys would tell you the same thing - my husband too.

4.  Sex life?  Well I have been married to my husband for 20 years.  We have a great sex life - now and then.  But like Kat said - I am more flexible, more fun and more interested because I feel good in general.  So it's all good there :)

I am sorry to be so long winded.  I know this isn't what you wanted to hear most likely.  And it is only one person's perspective...  But as Bill said, if you only consider the obvious benefits for your son you will come out on the winning side of things.  Don't let fear take over.  It really is a worthwhile journey!

So perhaps Berry Sister, I neglected something that you brought up which is very true.  I was also unprepared for the attention I would get once I was thin.  I also used weight to protect myself -- and losing that protection was a very scary prospect.  

Also, when I was obese I never had to question the motivation of male's attention in my life.  I knew they liked me as a person or respected my work.  Now, I always have to question it.  It's painful sometimes to learn that they are just trying to get into my pants rather than seeing me as a person or colleague.  

Great points Berry Sister from another mama!

I haven't been on the site in a long time, but saw your post and after 3 1/2 years after surgery, I thought I too would answer your questions :)

Did you feel this way before surgery as well?

I was a very happy person before surgery, but knew I was unhealthy. When I learned that surgery would cure my type 2 diabetes, I knew this is what I had to do and knew that no matter what, I would be a healthier person for losing the weight.

How do you feel about the extra skin? If you even have any to be worried about.

I knew I would have extra skin but I'm a healthier person and I know what I can and can't wear - bikinis and short-shorts are on the no-no list and I am perfectly happy with that.  Again, it goes back to being healthier so I can live with the little bit of flag vs 289 lbs of fat :)

Do you regret getting the surgery?

NEVER!!! It was the best decision I ever made.

Was your sex life better or worse after?( I know kinda personal)

Never had a problem before or after surgery ;)

I was single for about 10 years when I got my surgery.  I understand exactly how you feel.  Believe me when I say getting this surgery and losing the weight was a key factor in me feeling more attractive and feeling energized.  So much so I finally stepped out and started dating again and found a wonderful man.  We got married last year.

How do you feel about the extra skin? If you even have any to be worried about- Do I have extra skin.  Yes.  Not a lot but enough that I would not be seen in a bikini.  But not so much that you can tell when I have my clothes on.  Men notice me.  Do I like it...no.  I am hoping that at some point I can get plastic surgery.

Do you regret getting the surgery?  My WLS is one of the best decisions I ever made.  I am happier and much healthier now. 

Was your sex life better or worse after?( I know kinda personal).  I would have to say yes since I had none before.  But the surgery gave me the confidence to date again so I would have a sex life again.  Our sex life is very healthy.  Of course we are still newlyweds...LOL!!! 

Before surgery I was confident and happy, always had a boyfriend in my younger years, (even at 300 pounds) and had married a great man at my highest weight of 341 pounds. I did the surgery for me because I was sure I would end up as someone who would have to be cut away from their home someday, despite my own efforts I was gaining and gaining with never a loss. 

I lost 140 pounds post surgery. Still married to the same great guy, and very happy about my choice.

I DID have skin surgery. I had a tummy tuck and arm surgery.
We took out a second mortgage on our house for the $15,000 loan. If you want to have skin surgery then prepare now, get your credit in good standing and plan and save for either a down payment or collateral for a loan. I wanted the surgery and hubby supported me. Unfortunately, the scars are not as nice as they could be, but I really don't care so much about the scars, or that the incision line is crooked. What I do like is not having an apron of fat and skin in my belly area, and more freedom of movement. My legs are still soft in some places, but I am working on building muscle now through swimming and exercise. 

I have never regretted the surgery or the skin surgery. 

My sex life was great before and after. As stated before, I never had an issue with men. I even dated body builders in my younger years, despite my size, and they were always handsome men with good jobs and nice cars who took me to beautiful dinners, or parties at some of the nicest clubs. I dated a pro football player for a short time, but truthfully, I don't like football. That wasn't ever going to work.

Not all men (or women) like skinny girls, but they DO like confident, attractive women who dress nicely, smell nice, and care about themselves. 

Best of luck to you. Do the surgery for yourself if you choose to do it, to better who YOU are, not someone else's opinion of you.