kind of confused

Call your PCP on Monday and make an appointment.

What you are experiencing is nothing to be ashamed or guilty about. We often think we can ride it out, and some do, but for others it just gets worse and finding the motivation to address it becomes insurmountable. 

As other have said, your hormones are going crazy. Also you cannot stuff your feelings away with food like you used to. Lots of us go through the same thing. The first year was tough for me. I was exhausted physically and mentally the first six months. About the six month mark, the fog began to lift and I felt human again. Get help if you think you need it. Hang in there.

Thank you Laura.

It sounds like classic depression to me. I see it all the time in my patients post heart attack or heart surgery. Very common and nothing to be ashamed about - depression is not at all a sign of weakness! Please do not ignore your symptoms, call your doc and get some meds and maybe seek out a counselor to discuss your feelings. You are going through a lot of changes right now!

Paula

What they all said and I can't think of anything that is inappropriate here - although I'm more liberal than most  .  

First, I completely agree with the previous posts about hormone dumping, depression, etc.  

That said, I'd like to share with you another perspective as well. 

For me, WLS was an opening in my life to deal with my food addiction.  I know a lot of people use that term in a very generic sense, but for me, I am using the term in the way that someone recovering from alcohol, heroin, or meth uses it -- the only difference is that my drug of choice is more socially acceptable -- at least in the using part -- perhaps not in the obesity result aspect -- because everyone has to eat.  In fact, in my very humble opinion, it is that very fact that makes battling food addiction so insidiously difficult.  We can't quit eating completely, the action is so completely intertwined in every aspect of our social/cultural lives, and can often connect us socially to other people.  In fact, overeating is so acceptable that the inability to moderate it becomes a source of our identity to others.  It also becomes our identity for ourselves.

As a food addict, I had to accept that I can't eat even a little of the addictive foods. I had to learn to practice abstinence. I also had to unfortunately deal with the withdrawal symptoms until my brain chemistry became normal again.  That meant that I had to put myself first.   When we are fat, we tend to be very generous socially.  There's a reason for the stereotype of the jovial fat person.  Stereotypes always have some kernel of truth to them.  It's a very self-centered act to take control of one's health and to lose massive amounts of weight.  You actually have to put the focus on yourself -- and that means looking at how you actually feel...without our old friend food.

Many of us, perhaps myself included, tend to self medicate with food.  Bored?  Let's eat!  Sad? Ice cream with help.  Happy?  Need to celebrate?  Let's go out to dinner!!  But then we are left with the results of our addiction -- the self medicating wears off and we are left with our down.  We either eat or feel badly -- and that bad feeling (depression?) also depletes our willpower, making us less likely to avoid eating unhealthy foods. We end up craving high-fat foods and sugar -- and these foods make us feel better, at least temporarily.  Self-medicating is a coping device that can long disguise or hide the problem(s) or dealing with what's causing us to feel unhappy. One of the greatest skills to work on the road to recovery is handling unpleasant moods by ways other than by eating.  

This can be very depressing and confusing.  It is asking you to completely change something that has worked for many years.

One thing that recovering alcoholics will tell you is that one of the hardest parts is losing a lot of friends.  Same for ex-smokers.  They come to see that a lot of their friends were simply social connections to their addictions.  In fact, any dramatic change in lifestyle is going to impact relationships. And truthfully, spending time around someone who has devoted all of their spare time to losing weight can be intolerable... because we have to be pretty self-absorbed for a while to be successful.  Additionally, spouses tend to start to feel a tad insecure, friends sometimes feel jealous and most of all, your roll is dramatically changing.   Your existence also forces people to look at their own eating and health.  Before, I was always the person in the room that anyone could say, "Well, at least I am not as big as her..." in their mind.  Now, I am smaller than most people.   It's an adjustment.

I guess the long and short of it is this -- sometimes while we are obese we think everything would be better if we just lost XX pounds.  And, a lot of things ARE better.  But mostly, it's just different.  Things settle down and it does become easier.  In the meantime, consider talking to someone about the depression, working on a plan to deal with your loss of a coping mechanism and know that you aren't the first to walk this path.  Sometimes it helps just to know you aren't alone.

Thank you. I read this twice because it made so much sense to me.

This is spot on and one of the best posts I've read in a while.  Thanks for typing this out, Kat.

Ditto pretty much what everyone else said. Sorry you're going thru this but its something we all go thru to 1 degree or another. Definitely seek help if things start to get to be overwhelming, or heck get some help right now, either thru therapy or a support group like OA. This whole lifestyle change can get overwhelming at times & talking it out with people who have/going thru it can help. You don't have to tough it out, there's no shame in your game & if you need help or even just a sympathetic ear go get it. I don't want to say man up & get help, but man up & get help, there's no shame in it.

When you're ready, let your wife in, if only a little, about what you're going thru. She's there to support you & if it was the reverse you'd want to know if your wife was having a hard time, & you'd might be just a little hurt if she'd didn't feel confident enough to turn to you in her time of need. Best wishes Gary.